Here Ye Here Ye...This page is UNCENSORED! If I find a joke funny enough it will be posted here! AND you will see stupid jokes because they are my favorite kind of jokes. FOR YOUR KNOWLEDGE I HAVE NO PREJUDICES OR FEELINGS OF HATE FOR ANY KIND OF PERSON, RACE, OR RELIGION!!! I Like to think that I have an open mind to be able to laugh at these jokes. SO PLEASE IF YOU DO NOT HAVE AN OPEN MIND DO NOT READ SOME OF THESE! BECAUSE YES SOME CAN BE AND ARE OFFENSIVE, BUT IF YOU ARE OPEN MINDED AND CAN LAUGH AT ANYTHING, ENJOY
AnD sO tHeY sTaRt
"Canuckleheads"
Two Canadians are sitting in a bar getting bored, so they decide to play twenty questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a subject for his friend to guess and after a little pondering, comes up with "moose cock." He tells his friend he's ready to play.
"Ok," says the second Canadian, "Is it something good to eat?"
The first Canadian thinks for a moment, then laughs and replies,"Sure, I guess you could eat it."
The Second Canadian says,"Is it a moose cock?"
A man was driving up a steep, narrow, mountain road. A woman approached in the opposite direction. As they passed each other the woman leaned out the window and yelled "PIG!" The man immediately leaned out his window, shot her the finger and hollered "BITCH!"
They each continued on their way. As the man rounded the next bend he ran into a pig in the middle of the road.
Jon returned home late and found a naked man in his wife's bedroodm closet.
"Hey, what are you doing in there?"
"I'm ridiing a bus."
"That's a stupid thing to say!"
"That's a stupid thing to ask!"
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: "Cute, But can you eat with that thing?"
After having been commisioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth. Peter now stood before God ready to present his findings.
"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked.
"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. The drugs, murders, you name it - a regular Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is the new obsession with oral sex.
According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions."
"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully,"Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"
"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on judgement day if they do not stop this tyep of activity," replied St. Peter.
"That is an effective solution," God stated, "but I think instead of punishing those who practice oral sex, we should reward those who refrain from it. Let's send a letter that's personally signed by me to each one of these good people." And so they did
Do you know what the letter said?"
(scroll down)
No?
(scroll down a little more)
Hmmmm...You didn't get the letter either, huh?
Q: How do you know your in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling
A man moves into a nudist colony. He recieves a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.
Later he recieves another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice.
A few weeks later he recieves a letter from his grandmother. It says,"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look long."
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear?
A: So they can get a better grip on the broom stick
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died and went to heaven. Upon arriving God greeted them and asked "Tell me what is something you value a lot."
Bill Clinton answered,"Well I think everybody should always try to reach their highest potential, sets goals, and achieve them.
God replied "I like that answer, come over and sit at my left side."
God repeated the question to Al Gore and Gore replied, "I think that people should do as much as they can to save the earth and keep it a beautiful place to live."
God replied, "I like that answer also. Come Over and sit at my right side
Finally God asked Bill Gates the question,"What do you think?"
Bill answered "I think that you are sitting in my seat."
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase they're sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and The Doctor gave them thorough physical exams, pyshcolocgical exams, and various tests and then concluded," Yes I am happy ts say that I believe I can help you."
The Doctor said "On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
"Then next ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. and Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.
The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them, so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be. I cannot help."
The Greens pleaded with him, and said,"You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us."
"Well all right," The doctor said, "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios...."
A retired priest is called in to substitute while the regular parish is out of town. While hearing confession, a parishoner confesses to sodomy, and the retired priest can't remember the proper pennance for sodomy. So he leans out of the confessional and asks an altar boy, "What does father O'Malley give for sodomy?"
The Altar Boy replies,"Well, usually he gives us a candy bar and a coke."
Q: Whats the difference between the Spice Girls' film and a porno film?
