A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist decided thought he'd have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired han, wide eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to the farmer. "SAM," he shouted,"those animals are talking! If that sheep says anything about me, it's a damn lie!!"
Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the playhouse?
BECAUSE, she sat on Pinnochio's face and said,
"lie, mother-fucker, lie!"
1st man: How'd you get that black eye?
2nd man: I called some woman a two-bit whore.
1st man: She PUNCHED you?
2nd man: Nope. She hit me with her bag of quarters.
The sign at the counter said that the cookies
tasted just like pussy, so I asked for a sample.
"THESE TASTE LIKE SHIT!" I complained.
"Turn it over," said the clerk.
A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at
a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks
her why she was so down.
"My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed,"
she said.
"What a coincidence! My wife just left me," said the man,
"she told me that I was too kinky for her too!"
The two talk a little while longer and finding that they have
so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's place
and have kinky sex.
When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and
says "Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more
comfortable." She goes into the bathroom and changes into a
full leather dominatrix outfit.
However as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is
putting on his coat and walking out the door.
"What happened?" she said,"I thought you wanted to have kinky
sex?"
He looks at her and says,"Well I just screwed your dog and
shit ino your purse. I'm done."
What is the difference between Virginia
and West Virginia?
In Virginia moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a
misdemeanor.
If I have a rooster and you have a donkey, and your
donkey eats my roosters feet, What do you have?
Two feet of my cock in your ass!
What do you call 365 used condoms?
a good year
What did the man in the yellow hat do when Curious
George shit on the carpet?
He spanked his monkey
