What do you call a german condom:
Fitemgoodandtight
One afternoon a man and his wife had just
finished possibly the worst round of golf they'd ever
played. In order to remedy their golf woes, they decided
to schedule some lessons with the resident pro.
Unfortunately the pair's schedules did not allow them
to schedule their first lessons together, so the husband
signed up for a Tuesday afternoon slot, and the wife,
for one the next day.
Tuesday arrived, and the husband walked out to the
first tee with the golf pro. The pro, having never seen
the husband's swing before, asked him to tee one up and
fire away. The husband did as he was instructed and, as
per his norm, sliced deep into the adjacent woods. The
pro remarked, "Well, Tom, I can see a number of problems,
but the most obvious is that you hold the club way too
hard. Loosen up on the grip--as you would if you were
holding your wife's breasts." The husband, seeing the
value in such advice, gripped the club much more gently
and teed off and hit one long and straight down the fairway.
He went on to shoot one of the better rounds of his life.
The next day, the wife arrived for her lesson. The golf
pro asked to see her swing, and she too sliced, not quite
as deep, but into the same woods her husband had the
previous day. The pro said, "Marilyn, you and your husband
have the same problem. You both hold the club too firmly.
I want you to loosen your grip--as if you were holding
your husband's penis." Marilyn shrugged, and gripped the
club as she typically held her husband's penis, and hit
the ball a few feet off the tee. As it rolled and came to
a stop a mere six feet from the tee, the golf pro
half-chuckled and said, "Well, now, that's just fine,
but let's try holding the club in your hands, and not
in your mouth this time."
A guy walks into work with a sad look on his
face. His friend asks him why he is so down. "My wife
doesn't seem to want to have sex with me anymore." was
his reply. "That happens to me sometimes too, so you know
what I do? I go home after work and strip off all my
clothes, climb into bed and eat her out. That does the
trick every time." "That' a good idea, maybe I'll try
that."
So that night he went home and the lights were all out.
He took off all his clothes and climbed under the covers
and proceeded to eat her out. He heard moans and she
wriggled about so he finished her off. Just having come
home from work he was dirty, so he decided to take a
shower before he continued. He walked into his bathroom
and saw his wife on the toilet.
"Shhh-your mother's asleep."
