A-Typical male's journal.

I really would have liked today off, I might have gone to visit my friends today, instead of waiting for tomorrow, or just lounged around the apartment, trying to get on Ultima Online again.

I did go shopping, and bought two more gifts for my friends. I know there are going to be around ten or so people there, but I've only bought three gifts. I'm not sure what the protocol on those things are... I really don't want to buy something generic, and give it to everyone. I've spent some time picking out the gifts this year. I usually do, for my friends.

AJ is getting a unicorn from The Unicorn, a store that sells pewter figurines, candles, masks and incense. I'm giving Ozzymandias the Blake's Seven book and another book I know he'll like -- if he reads it. Ozzy doesn't read much or fast. In that, he's unique among my High School friends.

I decided to get Keith a gift certificate this year. Personally, I don't like giving them, and don't really like getting them much either--with the exception of an occasional Books-A-Million gift certificate from my brother. But, two years ago, I didn't get Keith anything. I was a bit sullen and irritable around him, and he seemed a bit quiet and stiff with me, too. He got me gloves or something like that. I'm not sure if I ever opened it or even still have it.

When I went to visit AJ this summer, it was an attempt to rebuild some bridges that I was burning, and a recognition that it was me doing the burning. In some cases, the bridges were of a material easy to burn, but I was playing with the matches. AJ took the whole bisexual thing well, better than I'd hoped, actually. I'm not overly worried about James--if I get around to telling him--since they have a lot of friends that are pagan or gay, or both.

But I'm really worried about Keith. Sure, we don't get along, but I don't want to cause a scene. I don't want to push him, or have him push me, either. I don't know what I'm afraid of, and it's making me all tense. Keith is either homophobic or repressed, and I don't know which.

We roomed together, for a time. I needed to move out of my apartment, and Keith needed to move out of his parent's house. It worked for awhile, but we had some differences, and my normal way of doing things caught me up. Like forgetting the phone bill. I think he blames me for his losing his girlfriend (or not getting her back). I think if it was that tenuous, it wasn't just my fault. We never really talked about it. And that's part of the problem

Maybe there's hope, maybe not. I still don't know what my problem is. I do think it's mainly my problem, though, and my stomach is in knots just thinking about tomorrow.

I really want to come up with a reason not to go, but I can't do that. I need these people to meet Marie. We need to connect with them, and start rebuilding the bridges. And I'd hate to miss AJ. So we're going.

Generic Joe's A Typical Male