There was one day, just after a weekend when I'd tried to learn to read Arabic, when we had a student teacher in for our Arabic class. Sari convinced her that I was a proper student, and so the teacher asked me to read a page of Al Q'uran. As I was reading, at the tremendous rate of a sentence a minute, I could see the teacher thinking I was some sort of incredible idiot. So funny...
After four hours of class, we had a 15 minute break. I'd usually leave the classroom, and go stand on the balcony, where I'd contemplate jumping (if it was a particularly stressful day.) In fact, one of the first words I learnt from school was bunuh diri. More often though, I'd run down the the 2nd floor for some tempe which I'd eat with a chilli, or some pisang goreng. Sometimes just before lunch break, I would join the girls for pengajian, which were Islamic teachings for the girls who were 'impure' (i.e. menstruating). Or I'd go find my friend Yura, who had lived in the US for most of her life, so had perfect English, but no Indonesian. At lunch I always ran down to my fave canteen, where I always ordered es coklat susu.
When school finished, Sari and I would walk together past the playing fields and along the street, before jumping on an overcrowded bus which would take us home. If it was a particularly hot day, I would remove my jilbab at the bus stop, and to hell with the astonished looks I received.
Actually-factually (I like the way that sounds), for the first time I'm rereading my Indon diaries. I was never really rajin in keeping them, but I'm surprised at what they say. I was so unsure, and so worried, and so depressed. And comparing myself then with myself now, I can see how much more confident and self assured I am. I can also see the same doubts and worries that plague me even now.
But, if you're curious, this is the first entry in the diary, dated 12th August (my second day) "Dining room with no walls, crowded roads, keep expecting to see gum trees. Stupid strange feelings, weird lump! HOT AND STICKY. Cockroach on the wall, lizards on the ceiling... over caffeinated, tired"
14th-17th August: "Stayed awake all night, 4 am half the group left, we left last. Long bus ride, long train ride. Now, random thoughts: 36 hrs no sleep, the weather is cooler, meeting family today CANNOT WAIT!"
20th August: "Yogya is so different. My family is ace, and the house is so big! And white! I got so stressed by midday trying to speak Indon all the time. Friday we drove to Yogya and met our families... Sabina started crying and I could understand why. I felt that way too".
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© 1999 The Archangel Cameo
