1) Thanks very much for your kindness, gift (Especially for Novi) to us
2) We will always remember you
3) Don't forget us
4) Keep our friendship forever
5) We hope you can speak Indonesian more fluently
It reminds me of how lovely these people are. Ade and Novi knew that I was worried about my language skill, and they truly meant that last wish. As well as the others.
Indonesia was really my 'Alice In Wonderland' year, where everything was turned topsy-turvy, and in putting things right, I started to find myself. Just in these diaries, I find things which are the beginning of who I am now.
I'm laughing now - I just read about something I'd totally forgotten about - the day at school, where the teachers ran a 'raid' looking for 'contraband'. Oh lord - now I'm really laughing - one of my eternal memories was when Sabina stayed overnight at my house, and we stayed awake all night, then went shopping the next day. But I'd forgotten the bullshit story we told at the market, to convince the stall owners to sell us things at a cheaper price. As follows: "We invented a story - we were poor civil-engineering students at UGM, who had to pay kos fees and buy food. Our relatives helped us a lot to get to Indonesia, and we wanted to send them something to show our appreciation. Postage fees home would be a lot, and our boyfriends were coming all the way to Yogya to visit us, and we wanted to take them out to dinner..." So many explanations, and we still couldn't bargain to a cheaper price.
Other things that surprise me as I reread this, is the hatred I felt for my Mama, and my total inability to accept certain Indonesian ways of life. I'm coming up to the turning point in my year - I can see now how it all started to disintegrate, and I can't believe how much I disliked my family.
"I don't think anyone will understand what has happened, why this was so special." Another exchange student wrote that to me, and it's one of the truths of the entire experience. Oh, now it's the low point of my year. I'd been excited about Christmas, but disappointed with the reality. A few days after that, I'd gotten very angry, and Bapa and I started arguing. Please understand that this is an absolute cultural no-no in Indonesia. As I read this, I can see the mistakes I was making, and I wonder how I could be so stupid and blind. Throughout January, I let everything deteriorate - family, school, the lot! My contact-person gave me a month to sort out and repair my relationships with everyone: "I've made huge mistakes which now must be rectified. God knows how, and so do I - it will just be so hard. I know I'm lucky to have Tanti, who's told me all this and given me a second chance. I'm hoping that I don't fuck this up too... I want to have my full year here... coz I want to prove to myself that I can last out something which is difficult for myself"
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© 1999 The Archangel Cameo
