If I Were A Q
By Lia!
If I were a Q
What would I do?
Such is the subject of this verse
Why I would do
What a Q must do
Spread Chaos thru the universe
So I embark on rhyme and story
To put Chaos in a category
As what Dis-Order I might evoke
If I had power to provoke
With very thought the universe to madness
For it would be this, not joy or sadness
And irrelevent is good or badness
Oh what to do!
Oh what to do!
What wondrous feats would I construe?
What tear down? What build anew?
Is there anything a Q can’t do?
But to ask such is to misconstrue
What good does it do
To say to you
"How much glue can a true Q threw?"
(Ungrammatical I know, but it will do
I needed threw to rhyme with Q
And If you don’t like it – boo hoo to you!
For a Q must do what she wants to do
So to laws of grammar I say Adeiu
As I would to those of physics if I were Q
Or to my lunch if I ate tofu)
But, alas, this rhyme I strain
I fear this verse must grow mundane
With this rhyming rue
Of "Q to you too"
So that I may vary and deviate
I’ll take this chance to alliterate
That which I may now construe
As to what I would do
Were I Q:
I’d Quell the Quacking Quadruped Quails
With a Quantity of Quivering Quills
In a Quintessentially Questionable
Quasi-Quizical Quatrain
Then Quaintly Quest for Querilous Quadruplets
Qualify my Qualms in Quantum
Quarantine Queens to Quiescent Quiedtude
Then, felling Queasy, Quit this quote
To alliteration I say Adieu
And back to rhyme at once I flew
To shew you words that rhyme with Q
Now Shakespeare may have tamed his shrew
But no man alive can tame a Q
No woman either – whatever I do
I must not be gender specific
For this is not morally right
It would make many Quite uptight
And that my morals may seem finer
I’ll not exclude children or dogs
Or small furry creatures from Ursa Minor
And so many words do start with Q
As Sylvia knew
Ach-du, Ach-du
And all that German gobbledygoo
Like a foot in a shoe
Or an oppressed Jew
Afraid to achoo
If I’ve killed one man I’ve killed two
You bastard I’m through
Are you?
And it frightens me to think it true
That English may not have it’s Q
In our language Q appears to be
Only a redundancy
And KW would have stood in its place
Were it not for the Latin race
Latin’s fun, there’s nothing to it
Just know your "multus sanguis fluit"
My mind declines like a Latin noun
And conjugations bring me down
But Vinum in caput meum abiit
Is Trimalchio’s little habit
And Quintus would not think it best
But Caecilius in tablino est
But I digress from out original Question
Of what I would do
Were I Q
Would I make the world new?
Wear blue suede shoes?
Indeed the question does confuse
So now I must invoke a muse
I’ll now invoke the Muse of the Q’s:
O heavenly muse
Who inspires the Q’s
Say what method I should use
And what path I’d be best to choose
Should I help? Should I abuse?
Or simply snooze
Drink too much booze
Or drown myself in the river Ouse?
Will I win or will I lose?
There’s much ado
Over what I should do
As a Q
And I fear my mind’s a tad askew
So I do need you to shew me true
And please, I beg, don’t misconstrue
Oh mighty muse
Of all the Q’s
But I’m afraid I do not see
The muse of the Q’s won’t sing to me
So I must , for my recreation,
Rely upon imagination
Yes, Imagination I must use
If I’m to make news
Among the Q’s
But I suffer a-Q-te anxiety
Which you might think is Q-rious
Or maybe just Q-te
It may be due to my high I.Q.
Or perhaps classical Q-piditas is the ail
But what then is the Q-re?
A Q-bic Q-rator in a room with a Q
Displays Q-bic Q-cumbers
Oops – I mis-Q
Adieu
But enough now have I punished you
With puns upon What else but Q
But still I know not what to do
If I were Q
And Thus feel blue
But it does appear to me
That chaos is spontenaity.
I must act spur of the minute
Act on a moment when I’m in it
And should I be good or should I be bad
Doesn’t matter in a universe gone mad
And insanity is the seed
Which I’m sure a Q knows
From which havoc, from which chaos grows
And I know I am insane
And were I Q I would remain
That chaos may well best be spread
As when this poem shall be read
So if I were a Q I’d know what to do
I’d be a true blue Q through and through
Like you!
