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So, I'm leaving in about six and a half hours. Yeah. It's hard. I actually don't know how I feel about it at all. For a while there, I thought I'd be okay, like, all "well, it really has been fantastic, yeah, definately, well, bye bunny!", but as the night is progressing, and actually leaving comes closer, I can feel my tear pouches getting tighter and tighter... I don't know, heh. I mean, I knew I was going to cry when this time came, but it still hits me kind of with surprise, just how big the sadness is that is lurking and waiting for that last hug, last wave, last look out the window.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
The thing is, I KNOW it's time to leave, I am filled to the brim with sparkly memories and hugs and hours worth of talking and car rides and everything - it's time to leave... but it's such a stupid thing to go through. "Well, hey, here's this person that I totally dig and wanna hang out with, but yeah, um, it's time to not see her face to face again for who knows how many months!" It just doesn't make any sense.
And then there is the knowledge that hey, I'll be alright, I'll spend two days moping on various Greyhound buses, and then all of a sudden I will have gone back through the mirror and find myself with all these other people I also dig, who I have not seen in almost three weeks, who will also have these new glistening memory bubbles to show me, and yeah, I missss them, and duhhhhh, Jessica is right there, typing to me, but bah.
I feel like I'm always putting myself through a lot of big goodbyes. Everytime I went to see off of the net and had to leave. Everytime someone off the net came to see me and had to leave. The first time I left for America. The first time I went home. The second time I went to America. And now.. this. Not to mention I then have to leave America _again_ in may. It's just neverending, it seems, these.. goodbyes. Well, fuck. I guess the rational way to look at it is that without the goodbyes, I would have never gone and met any of these people that have left beautiful (and sometimes, salty, oily, smelly) memory droplets with me. So there. Yeah yeah. Blah. Don't feel very rational at the moment.
Jessica is currently in her room, making me secret tapes for my trip. I'm not even allowed to look at the slip of paper to see what I'm listening to when I'm on the bus until afterwards. I do know three things she put on the first tape, at least...:
Chocolate Covered Wheat Puffs:
- Tombstone Cowboy
- Teenage Crush
- Golden Stream
Limahl:
-The Neverending Story (my request)
Engelbert Humperdinck:
- Quando, Quando, Quando.
BrRRrRR, hehehe :)
I feel like Jerry Springer, so, uh, here is my final thoughts:
Arizona is like another planet. Cowboys are wonderful. Sometimes Goodlooking Asshole Tom Cruise Guys are nice and kiss toad girls without even being shit drunk. Families can be really nice to strange net.people invading their home during holidays. Jessica T. Gluckman is a wonderful human girl who I am very happy to know and call my close, close friend. There are very few saguaro cactii around Sierra Vista. Sugar is a sweet, bouncy dog. One can have a good time even when broke when in company of good friends. Places far away physically can be very close emotionally. Engelbert Humperdinck's dance album is oddly enough not totally stinky. Chocolate Covered Wheat Puffs actually make cool songs. Threads that are golden don't break easily. The thought of Oreo cereal is frightening (they do exist). John Hughes movies are best when viewed in good company. Geo Metro's are neat. Never ask for half a gallon of ice cream if you have no idea just how much half a gallon of ice cream actually is. Tombstone rocks. Blimpie does not serve olives on their blimpie sandwhiches. Sellout fake Santa's rip off kids all over America, legally, in malls. Leaving is hard. Keeping people close in your heart is not.
Goodbye.
(Do send me a good thought or two - I will be on various Greyhound buses from late morning, tuesday (tomorrow), till late afternoon, Thursday, passing through New Mexico, Texas and Tennessee before I reach North Carolina. At least I will have my mystery tapes and the sin red blanket Jessica's mother made for me with me to seek comfort in. Ta-Ta.)
FOOLS! I thought I was done, but Jessica just popped up behind my shoulder and ordered me to write more because she has one more side of the second tape to make. I told her I was all drained out of things to say at the moment, but would she listen? NoOooO! Therefore, she gave me a discussion question:
If You Were a SuperHero, What Would Your Powers Be?
I will answer that through different approaches, depending on what kind of superhero I was.
If I was a... Softy Girl Super Hero, I would have the power to come to the rescue everytime a woman in need had forgotten her sanitary pads or tampons and were stuck somewhere without any, and have her favourite safe, non-toxic brand ready for use. I would also be donning the super panties that never stain. OO, and I would have the power to make lonely girls unrealistic crushes come true.
If I was a... Student Super Hero, I would have the power to suddenly appear and stop time during especially tough tests, and then whisper the correct answers to those students who were actually smart but can't seem to learn how to study.
If I was a... Bunny Super Hero, I would have the power to rescue bunny babies in need everywhere from things like nasty mean cats and stupid humans who don't understand that bunnies need to be left alone in the wild or their human stench will keep the bunny parents away 8(
If I was a... Food Super Hero, I would have the power to make onion rings without dead slimey onion inside of them. I would save people from nasty tomatoes everywhere and quickly puree them and thus kill them like THAT. I would feed anyone starving. Oh, and I would erradicate bad blue cheese dressing, and also, change beauty concepts so that over weight girls were adored everywhere. I would also have the power to charge every horrid lo-fat/no-fat food item out there with calories and actual yummie TASTE. DOWN WITH DIET SODA!!!
If I was a... Sex Super Hero, I would have the power to release guilt all over the world from people feeling bad because they masturbate, or (gasp) want to have sex. I would also be able to supply anyone in need of condoms and other assorted birth control devices, because I am also the SAFE Sex Super Hero.
If I was a... Stupoid Super Hero, I wouldn't be a super hero at all, I would be the evil servant of the even more evil Kafkus, and thus am forced to keep my powers secret so I can devistate our enemies better.
That's the powers I would have if I was a Super Hero. Now I will go eat the pierogies Jessica made, and make the best of the 5 hours we have left.
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