Well I thought I was being funny......(BEWARE; If you're reading this post ages after today, odds are the links won't work..I can't hangon to large files like these forever you know...)

I can't remember the beginnings (as usual), but I have a feeling they're rather long and complicated. In there somewhere is a plot, but since I never remember the beginning, I never really have a clue. All I know is that I'm on my way to kill someone. It's not an action movie kind of thing, and I'm not really a hitwoman or anything, I'm just calmly travelling to somewhere to kill a person whom I never know the name of. On my way I suddenly find myself at the house where I grew up, only it's not *really* the house I grew up in, it only exists in those dreams. That's where I stay for a while, as I plan the killing of the unnamed, unfaced person.

As I stay at that house I slowly start to become a part of the people living there. They have no idea I'm really a killer of course, and so I find myself surrounded by good people celebrating summer, while I feel like I'm 80 years older than them, trying to be like them. At this place I get very emotionally attached to this man that's older than me, yearwise, but I feel that I'm the old one of us, and I have to protect him, because he's so ...heh, innocent and real. I think we're "together" although it's nothing spoken, and I spend most of my time hiding what I'm there to do (talk about a "Nikita" complex...if you haven't seen the movie then..um..it's somewhat like this plot, but a whole lot better). The time keeps closing in on when I must do the killing, and I'm torn, because I know that if I do it, then I must leave them and him and be on the run, and if I do leave him he'll be a wreck (heh, ego ego ego) and I can't handle that much guilt for breaking all those illusions, and so blah. My My, what am I ever going to do? Well I never find out because I always wake up, voluntarily or not before I know.

Argh. 8(

I spend a lot of time reading through this page about Delirium, a character in the comic book series about The SandMan, by Neil Gaiman. I've never bought or read any of the books, but I'm just now saving up some guts to send for some, becase I have a feeling I'll love them. *sigh* It's so good it depressed me, because Neil, the writer, just has a very beautiful language and...he just pinpoints thoughts so well. Argh. Argh.

A lot of the characters have names starting with a D, and that just leapt out from the text and hit me on my head. So many powerful words start with a D. Look:

Destiny, Death, Dream, Destruction, Despair, Desire, Delirium, Delight (That's the names from the Sandman). Not to mention Depression. They're all words I like to hang out with though, but I rarely mention their names, because I don't want to be labelled as a Drama Queen. heh.

Funny sidenote though. I've seemed to have had a lot of D people play parts in my life. It's been Daniel this and Danny that and oh look, a Dan and a David and finaly a Dennis too. Most of them have also been Dorks 8). ARGH. And I wanna name any son I might have DWEEZIL too! This is weird. heh.

I got to see "Welcome to the Dollhouse" on saturday. What a strange (but good) movie that is. It's main character is Dawn (ANOTHER D!!!), who's basicaly being harrassed etc in junior high. It's spitballs this and mean words written on her lockerdoor that. It's one of those movies that don't end 'happily ever after', or even leave you with a yummie gutfeeling that it's all working out, but it sort of tugs at your hair and won't let go until you spend time thinking about it. I know I feel at home with a character when my tummy turn into knots and I have to zap channels through some passages, because I can't handle seeing her making a fool out of herself once again, or her being in a situation where she, as usual, will lose. I felt the same way with "Georgia".

I also saw a remake of Jane Eyre with *gulp* Charlotte Gainsbourg! Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to know who she is..she's a french actrisse...I first saw her in a french movie called La Petite Voleuse (The Little Thief), and she's just..sooo beautiful. Wah. Oh..and apparently she has a british mother and a french father, which would explain her wonderful accent in Jane Eyre, as well as her french in The Little Thief. I really liked this version of Jane Eyre, in the same way I love all those movies made out of books by Jane Austen etc etc etc repressed british women. I love seeing those dresses I'll never get/be able to wear, I love it when you sit and watch, and YOU KNOW the cynical man and the main character woman has a thing, but they won't admitt it, and all those repressed feelings scenes. I was watching this, and I got wonderfully frustrated several times. Yummie. ("KISS her YOU FOOL! What are ya, STUPID!? _KISS_ her, or I'm flipping channels!!nuausbuauhUHUHAUHAUHAUHh!!!" (That's the language I use when I get frustrated like that. It sounds a lot like Donald Duck choaking.))

I've been thinking though. As much as I enjoy watching movies/reading books taking place in other centuries, I suspect I wouldn't be able to live in those times myself. I mean...take the end of the 19'th century. I'm not thin, so I could never squeeze myself into those pretty dresses (although I designed my prom dress in that sort of style). I have rather thin hair that won't grow really long, so I'd never be able to have those amazing hairdo's. I'm quite lazy. I have a big laugh. I don't like men with side burns. My guess is I'd get stuck at home as that spinster that lives with her mother and gossip all day. Heh. "I wan't the handsome noble man or I'M NOT PLAYING!"

*chuckle* Why is it that people who doesn't like this kind of movie WATCH IT ANYWAYS, and then reveal their ignorance by posting reviews such as this one? *giggle* it's just..funny =)

Oh my, long post, and it's only lunchtime. I don't know if this is good or bad. I DO know what I'm having for lunch though. Raw carrots. In a sudden spur of "Must Feel Like A Rabbit" I brought a whole bag with me, and a knife to peel the bitter first layer off. I also brought sesame seed crackers, and a cheese spread. Mmm, cheese 8)

How about some....PIPPI?..hehehehe...or the e-mail virus joke I got from bren 8)

I wish I could just write TMI(Too Much Information) on the palm of my hand to flash to people when they tell me things I don't need to hear. This particularly goes to the category of people that needs to spread intimate details about their sexlife(existant or not) to me. I'm sorry, but unless we're talking about sex, I really don't want to hear all of it. Now don't get me wrong here...first of all, I'm sure you noticed I'm hardly a prude. I have *nothing* against discussing sex etc, and I'm hardly shy. I don't mean discussions with good friends either. What I mean is those people that you talk to a little bit, and they feel this urge to just tell you how once you fucked a girl that could chew bubblegum at the same time, and another time a naked woman appeared from your closet. It's just...TOO MUCH INFORMATION, y'know?

Btw..I go to Denmark next tuesday, just for the day, with the people at Datorteket...but still. Should be a nice miserable day for me, because lately I haven't been in the mood to socialize much, so a bustrip with 50 people I barely know should get..interesting..

My brain can't wait for me to feed it with more movies, more words, more sounds, more thoughts, more knowledge...I mean, just think about music...there's *so* much to hear! There's hardly a day or week that goes by without me having 1-3 new bands/artists that I just *need*to hear. I may not LIKE all of it, but I want to form my opinion of it. I spent 2 hours today reading lyrics and the background of The Dead Milkmen, a band I still haven't actualy heard, and yet am totaly in love with already.

It just seems the world is divided into people that don't get it, and therefore takes everything too serious, or people who get it, and piss the other people off. Hmm. This sounds like I just divided the world into stupid people, and not-stupid people, and making myself one of the not-stupid people. Shows you how ignorant I am then. I just meant...all and all, there'll always be people that get provoked by other people that won't just settle for salt and pepper, but adds a bit of curry to their food too.

I don't get this fighting between Star Wars fans and Trekkies though. I mean...really. I go bananas for both. Well. Actually I think I get slightly more excited when I get to watch the Star Wars movies again, but give me some frames with Data and I'll show you pathetic 8)

It's so weird when you see some person, and you imagine them to be a certain way, and then they open their mouth or do something , and you go "oH...that didn't suit him/her". I know..it's not really fair, we don't choose how we look, and other's aren't responsible for our perception or imagination of them, but still. Like yesterday I saw this guy that is *so* good looking...not the kind I usualy like at all...he looks like he should be in France just after world war 1. Not talking like Beavis in the supermarket. Blah. 8(

I want BLUE HAIR. For real. Or magic marker superunatural red. We'll see. SOMEDAY..in america..don't wanna give my mom a heartattack 8)

I started out as a 17-year old girl at a swedish webchat, and found myself with a huge net (heh...) of friends, and a day didn't go by without me writing 3-7 loooooong e-mails to different people. Everyone there knew who I was etc. Then I moved on to telnet talkers (SE and later CN), and in the process I lost the people that had been my closest friends for about a year. It wasn't intentional, it was just one of those things that happens when you don't spend the days together anymore, and you find it difficult to remember the last time you said anything in an e-mail that went much beyond "I miss you!! What are you doing nowadays? How _are_ you? Yeah the old chat really suck nowadays."

2,5 years and 3 failed net.relationships later I find myself logging on basicaly to spend time with the few people I consider my closest friends, reading the 100+/posts at rec.music.tori-amos, and writing short, meaningless entries in this diary, or rearranging/writing on the other subpages. I used to be this really friendly, open person who'd chat with just anybody, now I can be rather short and grumpy if I find the approaches inane and too newbie-ish. (I'd like to point out that this does not apply to CN. Since I'm a super user there, and therefore at the service of the newbies logging on, I do my best to make people feel welcomed there. I enjoy helping newbies. I do enjoy silly conversating with strangers. I just don't like breathy clumpsy approaches on other talkers where I basically have no obligations at all, such as Resort.)

I don't e-mail much anymore. I think that stopped about a year ago, after I was singleifyed again. it didn't really have anything to do with that whole mess, far from it, it was just...hard. Close friends became remote aquantances, remote aquantances became non existant. The one person I've been close to for a long period of time is Aziza. That's why it depresses me sometimes that we've slid apart quite a bit, without anything causing it. I'm still working on my US plans, and I know we'll get along beautifully once I get there, that's not a worry of mine. It's just sad that we rarely have the opportunity to spend some time together online anymore, and even if we manage to, we end up having one of those awquard so-much-to-say-but-can't-think-of-anything moments, and that makes me sad. Blah.

Well. Whatever path my future will take, I'm always thankful for the wonderful friendships I've found online, and I'll never forget.

Ugh. That sounded like I'm planning to leave the online. Well I'M NOT so :P...*smile* I'm going to go eat the cheese sandwhiches I brought for lunch now (mmmm...cheese). Tomorrow I'll be in Denmark over the day, so it's quite likely there'll be no time or opportunity for a post, but there's always wednesday, and really, this isn't so fascinating that I'll have hords of "no post!argh!!" mails sent so...you'll live. And so will I. I hope. Those danish people can be evil, I'm sure, after all the danish horror/thrillers I've watched emerge the past years....you never know. ("Swedish Tourist Murdered By The Chocolate-Danish Serial Killer; read more on page 57")

BTW! I finaly had a chance to rent and watch Star Trek: First Contact. 8)) It was soooooo goooood...and Data was yummier than ever, ehhehehehe. He's my favourite android of them all 8)