December


Thursday, December 4

In honour of Xmas, this month will consist only of red, green and white posts from now on. Haha.

HAUAHuahUHAUAHA!! Nothing can beat my mood today. First I pretended to sleep late, because I was really really tired...I stayed home all morning, and watched Oprah/reruns of Family Ties. ThEEEEn, I called CSN, the study loan place. They said that once they get my acceptance letter from NCCU, and the dates for the spring semester, it should only take a couple of days to reach a decision. The chicken in me hounded the guy in the telephone to try and squeeze some thoughts out of him regarding how likely I am to get my money...he kept saying "well, I have to be neutral in this matter, but since you seem to fulfill our requirements, and this is your first loan from us, I don't see why it wouldn't come through. First time loaners rarely run into much trickiness." Theeeen I hung up, and called the travel agent..and she said I sure picked a stupid time to go...with xmas rush and all that, but that she thought she could squeeze me in somewhere by the end of december on some flight. I'm calling back tomorrow to book something, as I needed to set a date for when I go back for the summer too. Last of all, I called the American Embassy in Sweden, only to find I was 10 late for their phone service, and had to listen to a machine...but it seemed that a visa wouldn't take more than a few days. OH MY GOD I THINK I'M GOING!!

Okay, there's an idiot sitting next to me. He always books the same last hour at the library as me, so I always have to hear him speak to his equally moronic friends, and see what he looks for online. Hmm? What he looks for? Usualy images of Pamela Anderson, or some other actress. Now that's fine by me (well, actualy it's NOT, coz this is a public library, and well...it's just icky, you know?), except...he once saw my females page, and stated that it was a PORN PAGE! Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but 5 or so images of pretty women hardly makes it very x'rated, heh, don't you agree? *shudder* Great, he just used the zoom button to zoom in Pamela's butt. ARRRGH. I wanna HIT HIM OVER HIS GREASY ICKY HEAD and say 'EEW!' on Pamela's behalf 8(

*smooch* To my favourite chocolate coated wheat puff - peanut flavoured girl Jessica, who has an...interesting visit to look forward to next week =) And *huuuug* To my future co-roof owner!


Friday, December 5

I always had this thing about xmas trees. I just love the idea of them. I don't love the idea of cutting down a living tree though, so I settle for the plastic ones nowadays. I love decorating them, I love the little tiny xmas lights that give that gentle glow to the entire room...I just love them. I usualy have a problem with how americans decorate them though...I mean, i love the tacky way of xmas in America, but when it comes to the xmas trees...argh. When you can't even see the actual tree underneath all the ugly ornaments and weird things..that's a Bad Thing(tm)..and there should _always_ be a star on the top...not some angel ...y'HEAR?????

*sigh* Not in a mood to write =) I'm not depressed or anything like that, and I do have the time..it's simply that I'm exhausted when it comes to typing. Today I finished the written stuff that we have to turn in from our project...and then I had to write several html pages with content for the actual terminator page...and then some e-mails...and I've been online all day at CN...I just don't have the words right now. I think.

I'm going to see Alien resurrection tonight..I can't wait! Ripley is just so very very cool..she's one of those onscreen characters that makes me gasp for air and want to laugh hysterically, because she is just SOOOOOOO cool. She makes me want to get lethal too. ACTUALLY, I had a plan once...on how to become as tough and badassed as the women I liked in action movies..but after 3 months of airgun practise, and 3 lessons of karate I got bored...I think I'll stay couchpotato me, and leave the tough thing to the actresses...I still have a badass attitude when I want to so...8)


Saturday, December 6

So I went and saw Alien Resurrection..and..I don't know. I have really mixed feelings about it...I mean, when I saw Contact I just had this great feeling throughout the movie..this time...I don't know. I instantly fell in love with Ripley again though. Sigourney Weaver really got that character perfect this time. She was *amazing*..and the strange relationship she had with the Queen Xenomorphe was breathtaking..I just think they had too much goo and slime in it. I mean yeah, the alien movies are SUPPOSED to be slimey and gooey...but THIS MUCH? Blergh.

I got e-mails from Jessica that made me all silly and warm feeling..I'm kind of sad that I won't be seeing her for the upcoming weeks, but then again I'm not, because I know why she can't be online much and ooooo I so happy happy sappy for her. It's just..crazy that all these people exist, that make me dare exist are out there...I mean, before I got online I was a lot more intimidated by things..but little by little I've gotten more and more courage...and now it's gotten to a point where I couldn't care less what people here might think of me, because I don't need them to be. I mean...take going to the movies for example. Before I'd be really intimidated and scared of going to the movies, especialy since I always go by myself..I'd go, and not make a noise. Yesterday I laughed to all the really hilarious mean things Ripley said to the males in the movie, whereas no one else got it..and I cared not. There was only my laugh in the entire saloon, and I FELT GOOD! haha.


Monday, December 8

Björk I spent sunday at Maria's...talking lots of course, listening to music and..watching Björk *giggle* Okay, I saw this ONE hilarious clip of her doing a song for some MTV awards thing..she wore a HUUUGE red wide dress made out of something that looked like plastic sheets...and she was running around..and rolling on the floor..and was just SOOOO adorable..I almost squeaked to death watching it, much to Maria's amusement, heehee..it got even worse when she got to a clip where Björk sings 'It's Oh So Quiet', and NEIGHS like a HORSE in the second verse...she throws her head back and..E-E-E-E-E her way into the lyrics...soooo hilarious, hehehe.

I haven't been eating well at all though =( I don't know what's been up...eating just haven't been a priority...since friday i've had 3 bags of chocolate covered wheat puffs(peanut flavoured)...a bowl of veggy soup...two potatosalad sandwhiches..two oranges and lots of sponge cake at Maria's...this weird diet made me REALLY queasy too..it just sucks 8( *grown*

One more thing..amazing how people think I'm this sexobsessed guru with a bitch attitude..it just..amazes me. heh.


Tueday, December 9

OOOO

I read in a book by Alice Walker last night that OOOO means love in some obscure southamerican indian language. or maybe she made it up. Who knows...I like it though 8)

I booked a ticket to North Carolina on december 30...hopefully I'll get to use it *smile*..but IF everything should crumbel and fall around me, I've been informed that there's a 30-40 week long education I can get, learning more about the Internet that WILL LEAD TO A JOB eventually..so even if I end up stranded and not in America withing the nearest weeks, I'll have something to do.

DYLAN tricked me today! Okay...you can't laugh at my gullibility either, because he's the only one who can say things like this and get away with me believing it...he said that a duck's quack doesn't echo. You could drag it into a remote cave and make it quack, and no echo would be produced. AND I FELL FOR IT. And posted news on CN stating it...hehehe..that was so mean.

Wow..it's actually 7.45 p.m as I'm writing this...coz I was allowed to stay while the guy in charge of the puters' here so..I'm here...with him, and the woman (Karin) that works for the unemployement office, and has helped me with some paperwork for the US. We just had a pizza each (mmm...pizza), and now they're doing the 500 purity score test...hehe, she started laughing uncontrollably at the questions about masturbation already...I'm not sure she'll manage to complete the test...I guess that will make ME a pervert for having taken the test several times, eh?;)

I made aaaall my Tori Amos pictures into thumbnails...I have...164 images. I also created a new logo for my PJ Harvey site that I'm gonna work on for the first time in a year soon...it's gonna be called "50 foot queenie" after one of my favourite songs by her. Hmm..and now I'm gunna create a new look for the Tori site *again*...it's going to be black like everything else on this site, as will the PJ site be. It's going to have a pretty and functional image map, and it's going to be as clean as possible, that is...not a lot of disturbing text, just a functional site with lyrics, articles, images etc. Am I boring you yet?;)

I had a bad bad evil dream in which someone died, and I was blamed, because I had encouraged that person to be where he was that lead to his death. It was really uncomfortable..I kept walking around, trying to find people close to him, to explain that I didn't know, and how sorry I was. Then all of a sudden I found myself at a school I've never been in before, at some internet convention (!). It was filled with people making profound speeches that went right over my head, and they were broadcasting it all over the world on tv...I wasn't really participating, I just kept walking around the corridors, trying to find...someplace. Eventually I felt so uncomfortable in there that I stepped outside into the garden. There was a huuuuge oak tree there, and the wind blew through the branches, and all the leaves rattled like they do in the summertime. I walked out through the school's gates and down some stairs to a store...I walked in, and found that it was rather empty, except for huge boxes with cabbage heads and mushrooms...it was rather chilly, and it smelled much like a storage for...fruit and vegetables. heh. How surprising. I woke up after wandering aimlessly in there, not knowing what to do since I didn't really like anything I saw. And that was that.


Wednesday, December 10

YEYEYEYEYEYE!!!!! I GOT THE LOAN!!

Hilarious, isn't it? I've been dancing all day long..I got the money I got the money I got the money..so now all I need is the visa...which I should be getting a few days before I leave, i just sent for applications AGAIN because they didn't send me any the last time when i faxed 8( Wow I'm so nervous. And I just realized all the things I need to bring that i don't have, and all the things I'll be leaving behind..it's really...weird. I have so much more to say about this, but right now I'm speachless so...I can't.

Tomorrow's that big presentation of our Terminator page...the audience will consist of roughly 60 people...I'm not too nervous, I know I'll just blabber on as usual, pure auto thing..but still...kind'a nervous..a bit...no. It'll be fine..unless I have dreams like I had this morning..i dreamt of three sequence things that kept together in the end...first I was in the water, trying to swim away and avoid a floating dead body..the next I found some files in a basement about a really icky serial killer, with pictures...It didn't really scare me, it just...made me feel gross for ages.


Thursday, December 11

Heheheh I DIDN'T FINISH telling you about the dream, now did I? Shame on me...okay, third sequence:

Me and some of my relatives were held hostage by another serial killer...boy was he a real psycho...the thing was, he wouldn't let any of us leave, until we had given him just the right name, so that he could RUN FOR PRESIDENT. It felt like we spent hours in that damp cellar with yellow walls, with him walking around like he'd snap and kill us all any second. The thing is, he had no weapons or anything, so I'm not sure why we couldn't just beat him up and leave, but...we couldn't. We brought him lists and lists of names, but none of them was his, he claimed. (Oh..definately Rumpelstiltskin inspired, wouldn't you say?) Then...I suddenly, out of desperation shouted out "RHODES!" to him, and watched him turn to me with this huge grin on his face...apparently I had found what he wanted. (as far as I know I wasn't thinking of Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran fame, no...) He let us all walk out of there, and the next thing I see is him on the tv, riding in an open convertible with his hands in the air, and a big smile...after winning the election. heh. Go figure.

I'm a bit overwhelmed, because I got a sweet congrats mail from someone who apparently reads this diary...heheh, thank you! I was...shocked...but it feels good somehow that there ARE people reading this that doesn't read it simply because they're my friends already. heehee, my name isn't deanna though...it's *drumroll* Jennie ;)

And nooooow I'll go be nervous about the presentation..it's in...ooh...20 minutes. The thing is, I'm not nervous about speaking to the people, even though there's a lot of them...it's the fact that I'm gonna have to use a microphone. HOW SCARY IS THAT? *shrug* I dislike my own voice enough without having it dried out and distorted by a microphone...8( I guess I'll..write more late ;)

--later--

Hehe...it went really great actually. Weee. I dunno...I just didn't get nervous...I mean I've spent 3 months with all the people there, so I knew them all. I got several laughs too 8) it just felt good all around, I got a lot of compliments and such...*ego floating around up there* For a person with all sorts of weird ideas and frights and phobias, I can be quite good on a stage. Unless it requires me rehearsing things...I did the thing today without preparing at all, nothing written down. I just...can't be bound to a piece of paper dammit. blergh.

Wah. There's so much to plan. Hehe, there's so much to PAY. I'll be happy if I have $5 to spend frivolously each month I'm in the US, when all essentials and fees and books and companies have been paid. Ah well, that's alright. I mean...I'm going to have more to spend starting fall semester -98, seeing as by then I'll have aquired the essential things we'll need, y'know, kitchen ware, a BED, plants...a table and a chair would be nice to have too ;) If you're in the US, and have something that you think I could use, and are willing to sell real cheap, oh say, like a phone, or some lamps or something..e-mail me ;) (This of course, expecting people to be reading this, heheh 8) I wonder if pillows are expensive =(

Okay, I really should stop typing now...I have a headache, and I'm -so- hungry. I ate 9 oranges last night though *grin* Well, not really ATE, but I cut 9 oranges in halves and then the halves in halves, and sucked the juice out. Mm-mm-mmmm. I know, I could've just squeazed them, but no. Somehow it's yummier to just bite and suck the juice out on your own. And it gets to be sooooooooooooooooooo much messier, and that's always good (heh).

All the world is danglin' danglin' danglin' for me darlin'
You don't know the power that you have
With that tear in your hand

Tear in your hand, Tori Amos


Friday, December 12

Where I've been all day...

This chick...she has a webcam on her 24/7...I've been watching her sleep for almost 3 hours now...it helps that she's gorgeous =) It's sort of funny to watch her move around...love it. I love most of what she likes too, according to her faq, so I'm definately going to snailmail her, as she encourages us to do...apparently she has a huge following, and she makes music and is an artist...it's just great. I'm -really- -really- jeallous though, I mean _I_ want to be that much all over the net too. I'm not really out to be, y'know, WORSHIPPED, but I love being able to throw up all sorts of bits and pieces of myself online. I guess it's my way of exhibitionism, right?

What else have I been doing? Well, this guy here got me to apply for membership in *cackle* Trekkies of Southern Sweden. 64 members. (65 with me ;) Dylan told me that true geeks likes babylon 5 better, and looks down on trekkies...well POO on that. I've seen one (yes ONE) episode, and really...the captain used to be a COWBOY, so :P~ (If you don't know what I'm referring to...Bruce Boxleitner was in this american western show in the late 70's, starring as Luke MaCahan. This guy was one of my first crushes...I, and every other girl I knew had huge posters of Luuuuuuke up on our walls...*swoon* But Luke, the cowboy heartthrob up in SPACE? NO!)

My tummy is grrr'ing at me. Well puh. I'll just grrr back to it then. I had a cookie earlier...yeah. They were also serving cake, because today's my last day at Datorteket (yey!) I didn't have any. "Why NOT? lots of fattening stuff in cake!" I hear you yell...well. I don't like cake, unless it's chocolate cake. It's all that icky whipped cream flowing over everywhere...and the AWFUL massacred fruit jam stuff...gross. GROSS. Everything should be chocolate. Heh, I have a story about that actually...

Okay, when I was growing up, there weren't a lot of Africans, or other people with different colour around. Now this was intriguing (and frustrating, since I never got to get a close look) to me, because it just fascinated me how there could be all these people around with such various skintones. I guess it was simply curiosity running around in me...anywas. One day when I was maybe 3-4, I saw an african family walking around, and I just got this image of how they looked as if they were made out of yummie dark chocolate...I really had to restrain myself from running up to them and licking their hands to see for myself...Now the reason this is a story, is because I still get that feeling sometimes...I just think dark skin seems yummie.:O) A while after that, this african lady started to take the same bus as my mom and me every morning and evening, and I made friends with her...she was so beautiful, but I just couldn't grasp how her hands could have such pale palms...she used some kind of handlotion too that smelled soooo nice...

Someone should slap me. Now I'm at Ana's irc channel too...imagine that, me, the one who -NEVER- goes on irc 8)

snippet from the convo:

spleenwrk - She even wrote in her diary about Ana
spleenwrk - already
} well i write continoiusly over the day so..
MMM-A - Intersting, you an artist/performer, lana?
} no =)
spleen - Maybe we'll get in there, MMM
spleen - :)
* lana laughs, just coz you said that....
* MMM-A flogs himself
spleen - I'm not very subtle
* lana needed a reason to start a new paragraph anyways
spleen - woohoo!!!
spleen - I've never been a new paragraph before!
} and besides, i never get subtle anyways

I'm ITCHING to write lots and lots on this site now. I was thinking I could spend the weekend writing in notepads, and then typing it all in on monday...but then again, whenever I write something down, I completely alter it during the transfer...I don't know why that is, I just...think of so much else I want there. That's why i usualy write my poetry as a spur of the moment thing, and not onto paper first, because I just change it anyways. Did that make sense?8)


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