Friday, January 23 I turned in my first class assignements...phEW...and I skipped Personal and Social development, coz I had to go buy a new folder for my maths assignment, because the other one got RAINED on and was all curly and silly and the professor wouldn't really accept it. It RAINED all day again...I tried out my babyblue raincoat poncho, but see, it goes OVER my wintercoat, making me one step down from an actual elephant, and it made me feel like I was in Star Wars, so halfway through the day I stopped wearing. In the evening me and Jesica and her friend Gene went out...first to this place called Swensens', where I got engaged to the ice cream menue (I had some..nutter..butter..thing...icecream with hot fudge cakecrumbs whipped cream peanutbutter and a CHERRY on top...I must've uttered the phrase "I am now ready to die" hundreds of times)...then we went to a place called The Caribou Cafe. It was really great, we had brought this dice game with us, Yahtzee (which's Jesica, and me Jesica and Aziza played it the week before, only they'd never played it before, and I had played it allthroughout growing up but forgot the rules..it took 2 calls to Sweden and many arguments before we got it right...), and I had a white cocoa something (hmm, it was okay...tasted just like the milk with vanilla powder I used to make as a kid)..and we talked soooo much..it was FUN. *smile*

Saturday, January 24 We had our little housewarming gathering :) All and all there were: Me, Jesica, Aziza, Sarah (Aziza's sister), Newt (Sarah's friend, isn't that the NEATEST name ever??), Gene (He brought me loads of entertainment magazines, like Details and Entertainment Weekly...AND his sister is a Tori fan, so mebbe I can get some tape boots off'a her..yey :), Misol (I think the perkiest cheeriest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting), Jesse (goes together with..) - Joseph (our private handyman..hehe, he's had to fixe the kitchen storage cabinet door twice..it keep sliding off it's hinges 8(). It was really fun...first we had Tortilla Espanol that Misol made, with sangria (mmm, sangria...although we'd picked a bad red wine, so we had to cover that up with lots of Sprite. We didn't even have a corkscrew, so we had to ask the neighbour..he's such a nice man [in his 50's we think], he lets us borrow the vacuumcleaner once a week...in fact, when we asked about the corkscrew, he opened the door and went 'Vacuumcleaner?'..hehe..then we couldn't get the CORK out, so I went over, knocked on the door, and he opens with a 'want me to open it for you?'..nice man :) Anyways..then I spent about 2-2,5 HOURS in the kitchen, frying up stiry fry vegetables and french fries...everybody liked it though so..yey. As a dessert Aziza had made a yummie carrot cake, although I was mostly after the sourcream frosting...MUAHuhauHAUHAUAHA! We spent most of the evening playing games..well, the only game I participated in was called Sagarian, and is sort of a lightweight version of Trivial Pursuit. Participated..hehe, well, I was braiding Aziza's hair and answered my queastions, she was the one rolling the dices etc...I'm TRIVIA crazed...love it. I knew several of the q's too...but I dunno...the other's didn't know who Boris Karloff was (well Gene probably do, he wasn't there though, see eventualy Misol, Jesica and Gene was looking at pictures, and we were in the livingroom playing)...I felt freaky. How am I supposed to know what mountain General Lee's head's been sculpted into though" I only know of Mount Rushmore, dammit...eventualy I gave up and answered "Mount Kenya" ;) Now you'd think the night was over after this..but NOoOOoO! I got Jessica (Kafka, not my room mate, see...roomie is JeSica, Kafka is jeSSica :) to call me up from a payphone, and then I called her back...and I think we spent 2,5 hours talking!! I felt SO good after that, even though I was being rude to our guests, because this was the first call I actualy made outside of various calls back home...we just talked silly, and made plans of our future tv show (involving hand puppets)...*sigh* It made me so happy...now I'm finaly starting to feel like I have something good going here. Yey =) *bunnylove*

Sunday, January 25 Sneezed. Coughed. Blew my nose. Went through entertainment magazines. Watched the Simpsons, King of the Hill (the old guy in that family I guess he's the King of the Hill looks like a cartoon from MAD magazine, doesn't he?), the X philes (although I spodded a bit so I never got the plot), the one hour special of 3rd rock from the sun (I LOVE that show but can never watch it because the others like watching Beverly Hills 902 10 instead), and finaly the end of The Accused with Jodie Foster (yes. I bawled, as everytime I watch that movie). I even did my math home assignment!

Monday, January 26? I'm experiencing a DREADFUL cold right now. Well not just right now, I've had it for a few months now, but ever since I got to America it's gotten worse. Blah. It's like I'm allergic to other countries air or something...see, the same thing happened when I went to Israel, my nose suddenly decided to turn my body into a muccus factory (much like now..sorry if I'm being gross 8)...and I've noticed that toilet paper rolls outside of Sweden are more loosely rolled or something, because I go through the rolls like NOTHING...during the 2 weeks in Israel I must've went through 6-9 tp rolls, and here..well let's just say I managed to use up an entire roll yesterday with my sneezing. Usualy it's at its worse when I wake up. My eyes are glued shut, my throat feels like it can't let air through any more, and my nose...blah, can you say basketball? It's so ICKY too, I feel GROSS snivveling and sneezing and blowing my nose making those silly noises that you can't hide from other people because they're RIGHT THERE (much like toilet noises, although I finaly got over that. If I have to go to a public bathroom, I couldn't care less who hears me, I mean..it's a BATHROOM. Peeing makes noise. I refuse to flush before I urinate to cover the noise up and THAT'S THAT dammit.). In the evenings I find myself coughing real bad, sometimes when I try and go to sleep I'll have to blow my nose and cough so much I almost feel like begging someone to shoot me. Heh.

Despite feeling like a phlegm ball on legs (*grin* I'll TRY not to gross you out more), I had a good time since the last diary entry. (Oh, sorry about the irregular posts too...the only place I can post from is school, and I have to stay here an extra hour before I can go home if I wanna post, and sometimes...I just need to get HOME. I can't post from home because we don't have a web browser...well, we do have Lynx, but even though I can access the filemanager through it, it WON'T let me submitt any changes..ARGH.)

I would just like to point out the BUS died on us this morning, so even though I got up at 6 to catch the early early bus I came in the same time as if I hadn't gotten up until 7 8( NO SCHOOL tomorrow..yey..first tuesday I can stay at home coz I have no classes then, and no assignments I need to get to school to do. Yummie. OPRAH. JENNY JONES. SALLY JESSY. *ROSIE*! Baye! *sneeze*

Wednesday, January 28 Did I ever mention that... I AM A FINANCIAL IDIOT? What can I say. I spent all the money for this semester. ALL. Including rent/bill/food money. Once again I'm sponging off my parents =( I mean it wasn't planned, and I was shocked finding out about it, but still. Ah well. One learns.

Thursday, January 29 How was that for a short entry yesterday, eh?8) Made ya jump, didn't I? Well, I wasn't lying or anything...I am officialy broke. I managed to spend all the money in my account (UNKNOWINGLY, mind you...see I kept adding the large numbers in my head, but forgot to add up all the small numbers..."$158 for bed..okay" not "5.90 for batteries, $12 for magazines, $15 featherboa...") When I called back home and asked why I couldn't withdraw any money for next months rent, my mom told me. I was...shocked, to say the least. I was also convinced that I had been the victim of some mean plan, that someone at WalMart had stolen the rest of the money coz I used my visa there or something...after calculating how much I'd spent maybe 7 times, and each time coming up with a larger figure, I had to realize that the only villain around was me. Yeah, I wept quite a lot. Think about it.. First month away from home...no money left for rent, phonebill, powerbill, cable bill, food, bus...I'm one clever chicken aren't I? I will be forever greatful for my parents though, who were sooo nice. TOO nice. They didn't yell at me at all, they just managed to come up with rent/bill money and deposited, calmed me down and convinced me that there was no point in me going back, that I should stay and finish the semester, that it was okay, and 'stop crying, sweetie, we all make big mistakes growing up, you'll learn from it." Last night my dad called me up and asked if everything was okay now and if I could manage. Well. I paid rent, powerbill and cable..huge phonebill left. Mom is depositing $50 next week (I dunno where she's grabbing those money from, she's a SECRETARY, she isn't exactly rollin' innit) for food and bus. I'm so thankful and humble to them now...they're making me feel real bad because they're just SOOOO nice about it! I know I shouldn't complain about it, I mean...I could've had to go back home..but still. When I DO go home I'll have to sponge off mom for 4 months till next semester anyways. On the other hand, next semester I won't have to buy the furniture all over again, so that's some hundred dollars I can pay them back with, which's making me feel reallll good :) It really did kick me in the head though...I was in the midst of planning some cunning plan on how to trick my mom and dad into paying for the bus ride to Arizona in may...which is when I hope I can go see Jessica for the first time :) I don't know yet if I can change my ticket so that I can fly to Sweden from Arizona instead of Charlotte, NC, but if I can't, that's mebbe $70 to AZ and $70 back...if anyone got some solution...or wanna donate some money to my AZ fund...do e-mail me ;)

Last night when I was waiting for the bus back home to my apartement I saw Steve again (guy that helped me some week ago), and we talked a bit again. That was fun, not to mention the first convo all day long (and it was 5.09 p.m), but I felt a bit corny when we got on the bus coz Aziza and Jesica were on it too, but there wasn't any room left on their bench, and so for a brief moment I had to think if I should sit down facing them, or go further back to where Steve was sitting (I chose the latter one, coz I would've felt odd otherwise "Bi the bus is here I don wanna talk no more"). Hehe, they gave me hilarious LOOKS. It feels giggly though, coz heh, you know I don't know anyone here, so it'd be fun to make a friend outside the room mate/spodosphere :) I saw him on the bus this morning again, but there were a lot of people so I didn't bother go back where he was sitting to say hi, so if he saw me he must'a thought I was ignoring him (which I kind of was, hehe, but not really :) Am I talking too much of a casual aquaintance? I guess, but why care? 8)

Okay...so tomorrow I have a maths test (EEeEEeeEE!) and a big sociology test (ergh). I think I'll manage...However, I do have an essay to write during the weekend for my english class that's scaring me. We're supposed to write about someone who's been significant to us (and in what way), or something in our past that helped shape us. I'm going to sort of combine the two, but focus on the first thing. I'm going to write my essay on... *drumroll* My Grandmother Vera. Eek, is that too third graderish? I don't know...but see, I've never had that many people around me that I can write about, I mean, I would love to write an essay on every friend I've ever had (well, not THAT many y'know..), but I probably couldn't make the teacher agree on the splederificuoness each and everyone has possessed. I'm going to write about grandma, and the way she always read me faery tales as a child. She was the only one in my family who did that, and through those tales my imagination started to grow, and I decided that learning to read might be quite nifty after all, and dammit, here I am, 15 years later, studying english in America because I love books so much. I sound so cheesy and formula A, don't I?:( Well. He can only hate it and put a big D or F on it, what else can I say? Math test..UUGH!!!

Heh, this guy at school asked me to help him print out some spreadsheets, and some stuff to remember for the math test tomorrow. I guess I'm not the only one not mathematically inclined (as proven economichally), but I felt strange being able to help someone ELSE out with maths...whoa. Life is strange.

Monday, February 2 I have no recollection of what has happened since my last entry...only bits and pieces. How silly 8(

Jesica bought the soundtrack for Titanic saturday, and it's been played consistently ever since in our livingroom. It's incredibly depressing...ethereal unearthly vocalizations to music that makes me see the dark ocean...the joyous exciting notes that makes me feel the wind against my face and the smell of salt as I rush up on the deck of the Titanic...it's amazing. I EVEN like and cry to the theme sung by...*shudder* Celine Dion. Me. Put. A. Celine. Dion. Song. On. REPEAT. (insert Psycho schreechy music here)

Isn't it funny? I'm not pining away to go home. Hmm..or rather. It's like this. Sometimes it saddens me that I never hear my own language anywhere, or it dawns upon me that I can't make comments in swedish to my room mates while watching tv, and expect them to understand. I get ridiculously excited whenever I see a swedish actor or hear a swedish word mentioned anywhere, and whenever I get online with a browser I look at what the swedish papers are saying (Expressen and Aftonbladet). It just feels good seeing swedish characters and names of swedish celebs sometimes. Not to mention my favourite swedish actor (Stellan Skarsgård) appears in both Amistad and Good Will Hunting, which means I see him in tv ads, and read his name in various reviews every now and then...feels good =) It's like I'm missing home and all, but it doesn't make me weepy or anything like that. I miss the environment. I miss my sky. I MISS MY CATS!!! *sigh*

I saw The Game. EXCELLENT movie, and in some shots, where Michael Douglas was real angry, he was dang sexy. I dunno what it is, but seeing a man on screen really really angry can make me all oogly, it's just something in the concentration and the way their moves get sudden that attract me. Irl that would freak me though. It's sort of weird, but I think thanks to the anger and violence that have had it's path in my family through the years have taught me what to be cautious of in people. (In case you didn't know, both my father and my brother have been abusive in our family. Now I was never a subject to my fathers physical abuse, and after my parents divorced back when I was 4-5, he changed [afaik]. My brother hasn't physicaly abused us much, 99% of the time it's "just" been verbal abuse and other things that makes a house uninhabitable, but it's been bad at times. Let's just say greeting police officers wrapped in a bedspread can get tiresome. No, I won't elaborate :>). I know how little it takes to trigger someone's anger when they never had the control to begin with. I'm not surprised to read in the paper that a woman got half beaten to death because she didn't put the right kind of bread on the table. I know it has nothing to do with intelligence if a woman puts up with abuse for years and years - there are so many things playing into a violent relationship, and if you've never been in one, or seen one closeup, you really can't imagine. If you've been there, then..I'm sorry.

I have an essay to write for wednesday...and I'm going to Wal Mart tomorrow. I need to buy underwear, a stapler and some dish washing liquid. How exciting. HOW UNINSPIRED I am! I'll just go away now and hope to maybe stumble upon Steve at the bus stop, as I get home for a real uneventful evening. Yey =)

IMPORTANT NOTE: Me and Jessica have started a new band. What's it called? Brace yourself, it's a good one..: Gothic Lesbian Whores We haven't got much material yet, only this one line for a song...RESPECT MY VAGINA! hehe. Did I spook anybody? GOOD!8)

Wednesday, February 4 I feel like crying. I feel like starring at a wall and cuss at it repeatedly. I feel like never uttering another word in my life. No. Nothing specific's wrong. I DON'T KNOW. I don't know. I never do.

Jesica and I went to a lecture she had to attend. The subject was supposed to be on Human Rights...only once we sat down, it turned out to be "America and China". he he he he. It was actualy more entertaining than either of us expected, but still..after 1,5 hrs...eeeeek. Tonight she and I are going to eat at some Hare Krishna place...at least I know they won't serve meat, eh?;) I went to WalMart yesterday, and got a cute stapler, 3 pairs of underwear, and shoelaces that aren't supposed to tear and break easily. hrmph. I have 30 days to prove I can tear'em off, in which case I'll get a pair of new ones. Now if that isn't a challenge, I dunno what is ;) I went to Barnes & Noble too. I AM IN LOVE with that place! So many books, so many sections, so many things I can never buy...I saw two biographies on Tori Amos with wonderful pictures in'em, and a book with Penn & Teller that just made me giddy. If you're rich, and like me - there's what you can donate to me 8) I do ask for things from you guys a lot, don't I? Sorry...I'll try and stop. I don't mean to sound that greedy/poor/needy. I just am :>

FUCK FUCK SHIT TOMATO ARGH. Sorry about that. It just...slipped out 8( I am so frustrated...I've just realized that it's sort of a good thing to be able to write if you're an english major. I...can't. I CAN'T. I stink =( Remember the essay I am supposed to write for english class? I CAN'T. -It-won't-come-out-. The words won't cooperate, my thoughts won't gather up something inspirational, the sentences just don't match up. I can't write. I'm so frustrated I want to find a corner and cry for a while. How can I explain what I mean...I can't write structured. I can't think of a clear thesis statement. I can't read my own, let alone other people's essays chriticaly. I can't dissect paragraphs. I'm a failure =( No, I'm not trying to be melodramatic. It just...saddens me. Structured writing. It makes my skeleton itch. I can't do it! I wish I could. Once I write something, I write it, I can't revise and go over it, change it, perfect it...I can barely be bothered to correct typo's and bad grammar, as some entries have clearly shown. That's why my poetry sucks, except to me, because I'm the only one who know how I felt at writing it. Ah well. Tomato tomato. (sorry'bout that, Dylan...won't happen again. Maybe ;)

My english teacher makes me feel so stupid. Argh. I noticed he has long fingers like E.T too. *sigh* I just feel really ignorant and small and pale around that teacher, I don't get inspired in his class, I get depressed and confuzzled. I don't care if he's a writer I DON'T CARE he's unknown too so pfft. dammit.

On a happier note...Gene agreed to go with me to see Andy Richter speak at UNC feb.17 ! (I wouldn't dare go alone, you know how paranoid I am, I would just stand by the door, look down at all the people setteling in in their chairs, and flee)..and two days after that, on the 19'th, me, Jesica, Gene, Kamal, Aziza, Joe (and maybe Firaz) are going to see "Grease" performed...I even get to wear my promdress, and look snazzy...I think I might even drag my new blue featherboa along, I mean I have to use it SOMEtime, right? Only snag is I need new shoes to go with the dress, I only have one pair here, and those I wear daily..they're hardly dress shoes. I'M GOING TO SEE ANDY RICHTER! AAAARGH! (In case you dunno who he is...Conan O'Brien's sidekick..I'm so excited! And starstruck! EIEIEIEIEI!)

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