January

Thursday, January 8 - Wednesday, January 14. WAH..a week without any web browser access 8(. If it had been my fault, then I would have said I was sorry..but this was out of my control...don't say I never warned you it'd be like this for a while...:) Ah well. To bring you up to date, I bring you..the WEEKLY, um..diary. Heh. As I can recall it. I'll try and keep the babbly stuff to the end of this rather long entry...okay? Thanks :)

Thursday, January 8 I live in a town called Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Now the tricky part about that is that I don't go to UNC like yer supposed to when you live there. I go to North Carolina Central University, which just so happens to be in Durham. To get to school everyday I have to first take a 5 minute bus into Down town Chapel Hill, then get on another bus that goes to Durham, that takes maybe..um...50 minutes? At least 2 hours each day on the actual buses therefore, and then there's no telling of the amount of time I spend WAITING for the buses to actualy show up. The thing is, I really don't mind, I mean...I like having both places relevant to me. It was just HARD this first day to go to school aaaall by myself and everything. But I made it 8) Once I got there (and it was RAINING 8(), I got to go take placement tests...six of them. I was shocked to learn that I'd have to take a foreign language test, alongside with the english and the MATH tests...heh, I mean, um..english IS my foreign language. Eventualy I decided to give spanish a shot. Spanish...a language I haven't studied for a year and a half, and nearly failed. Imagine my surprise when they told me I had been ONE correct answer from being allowed to start on the second level!!! Alas, I got placed in something called CFAS classes. Beginners stuff, I supposed they can be called. Then I had to go to the infermiry and get SHOTS. TWWO of them, one in each arm...but that was actualy okay, which really surprised me. Maybe it's because I was 12 the last time I had to get a shot...I just remember the fear and pain from back THEN...I couldn't connect that with the tiny stings it actualy was. Growing up is SOOOOO confusing. Didn't have any furniture or food at home...and my LUGGAGE didn't arrive until today, so I'd had to wear the SAME CLOTHES since monday night...I felt really really lost without anything around that was mine and familiar...I almost cried when I got home and found my two suitcases FINALY delivered. In one of them I found a check from British Airways for $75 (in case I'd had to buy toothpaste and such), and in the other suitcase I found a note my mom had placed there...that felt so odd, I dunno WHEN she managed to slip that in since I was the one packing, but it felt so good to see her wellwishing words and all. It felt even odder when I phoned home that evening. All I could say was "Um, evrything is fine...yes, I'm alive...the school seems nice, yes...well, I've seen maybe 5 other white students so far..." Odd odd ODD feeling.

Friday, January 9 Got to school to register for classes. GAWD this country deal with students oddly! No wait that came out wrong..it's just all the things one is supposed to know just in order to go to a damn school here. It took 3 hours to get me into all the classes I need, and several small miracles in the form of sweet, but stressed people. This is my schedule: Monday Wednesday Thursday Friday 10-10'50 Maths Maths Maths 11-11'50 PSD PSD PSD 12-12'50 English English English 1-1'50 SPAT SPAT SPAT 2-3'40 SPATLAB 3'50-5'05 PSDLAB The PSD is some sort of preparating class where we'll discuss and learn things about becoming a master student, and we'll do assignements dealing with being a person in society...so far it seems really fun. The SPAT class is some sort of sociology class, not quite sure what we're to do, right now we're working with Darwin and evolution. Strange class where I only understand bits and pieces...so far. Heh. The evening was VERY eventful. I got home to a dark apartement lit up with candles. It turned out the power had been switched off for no good reason at all. While we were sitting there I suddenly looked out our livingroom window and...spotted a fire in the apartement across from ours...HUGE flames in the left corner...so Jesica (not Kafka, that's Jessica...no, Jesica is my other roommate, alongside with Aziza :) called 911...we kept looking..and suddenyl we realized there were ppl there...and that maaaybe this wans't a real fire. The firedepartement showed up...sirens and everything...and it turned otu to have been...a grill. yes. Embarrassing?? NOOOOoo...hehe. Well fires aren't allowed..and we really DID think it was a real fire, dammit. The entire evening the guys kept going out on their balcony and gaze across towards us...ARGH. 3 days and we're the snitches of the neighbourhood. Great start ;) 10 minutes after the firetruck and people disappeared, the power company person turned up...and one of the guys from that apartement went over and talked to them, hehe, we're pretty sure he must've thought they were cutting THEIR power off as a punishment 8)

Saturday, January 10 Me and Jesica went to a shoppingplace called Timberlyne to shop for groceries. I spent...um...$92 there. lalala. We had something like 6 plastic bags each to carry...it was AWFUL, haha, but GAWD it felt good to shop for food that -I- wanted!! First time I've had: Goober Grape on Cinnamon swirl bagels. It's so YUMMIE. Mountain dew. It was NOT fluorescent, you dorks, and it didn't taste like toxic waste either :P I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. *shrug* I can. Ho-Ho's Oreo's something to eat from Subways. I got the veggie delite and it was AWFUL! Never get that!! Grilled cheese, which I had after I threw the sub away...grilled cheese sandwhich..ARARARAR!!8) Snapple. I asked the other people in line what flavour they thought I should have since I've nevr had it before..they all agreed on Strawberry-Kiwi, and MMMMM so good! SQUEEZE CHEESE! Like, in a spray can...that stuff is HIDEOUS! I love it! haha! Lucky Charms - MMMM! I thought I'd melt, it was that yummie, and it made me feel juuust silly enough. Mahahha :) These are just a tiny few things of all I've never had. Oh. I went to Walmart on the friday I think..SCARY SCARY SCARY!!! I mean -really-..the big issue though was the fact that they DIDN'T HAVE ANY XMAS LIGHTS! Can you believe that? I mean it's barely 3 weks after xmas! I got to borrow some from Jesica, but I have to give them back..boo- hoo. I ductaped them to the walls in my room, into patterns. I now have a pentagram looking thing on one wall, two hearts on the other, and the word 'Music' written over the corner that I've made my music corner. So cute 8)

Sunday, January 11 We all stayed at home since the buses weren't running..me and Jesica watched some movies I rented the other day at Timberlyne..I finaly got to see Scream and Slingblade! yey! Slingblade was...well, how should I put it..I ADORED it, but it felt like they could've cut away 50 minutes of long non happening sequences, and still gotten the story through, but maybe that's only my ignorant view on it...It was excellent, and in it's quietness, quite loud. I liked. Then we watched Scream...now you know I'm a huge fan of horror movies, and especialy Wes Craven..I LOVED it! We were sitting throughout the movie squeaking and trying to figure out who the killer was...I'm definately going to see Scream 2 asap :) In the evening I got acute tummy ache, went to the bathroom and found the toilet to be..clogged up. It didn't overflow, thank goodness, but I -had- to go, and none of our two toilets were working! We called it in to the management as an emergency, but they didn't think it was...I had to go to some of our neighbours. EMBARRASSING.

Monday, January 12 First day of classes. EEe nervous...it didn't get better by the fact that I only have 10 minutes between each class, and that the PSD and english classe sare held in building on each side of the campus..it takes about 13 minutes to get to the english class, so heh... Classes was a bit confusing. Not to mention the fact that people kept dropping into class during it continuously..I mean why go to a class you've missed 90% of???? All the teachers seemed scary, but the students were okay...the students here have really been great ever since day 1. I've come to understand that NCCU isn't very classy in comparison with Duke or UNC or whatever other uni's there are around here, but really..SCREW THAT. I've been at UNC's campus, and people there are just like back home...they just walk by you and look down into the ground. Here at Central, whoever I pass give me a smile, or they say 'Hello' or something, and this is just STRANGERS passing OTHER STRANGERS on the street!! Everyone's real helpful...I very much like it. I still haven't seen more then maybe 30 white students, but that's just cool. I feel like an alien though! I mean, I've noticed that even back in Chapel Hill, where the populaiton seems to be mostly white, I stick out...I'm SOOoo pale, my hair has a strange redish colour, and my eyes are so pale...Almost everyday someone's commenting on my hair, or eyes. Strange. I went out to Timberlyne to return the movies...and just happened to find and buy a marked down blue featherboa while I was there. Heheh...and some glitter makeup..and some BLUE HAIRDYE. I didn't buy the hairdye, I'm still going over it in my mind, but I might actualy go through with it in a month or so..the blue'll stay in about a month and a half, so it's not permanent, and if I hated it I could always strip my hair and redye it to this red shade...we'll see. Like I said..I'm an alien enough around these parts, with their thousands of gooorgeous lookin black girls with long nails, and tall black guys that are just plain mm-mm delicious (with my luck, someone from here'll read that and taunt me with it. Well it's TRUE dammit!! :)

Tuesday, January 13 Had to come in to school even though I had no classes 8( I picked up papers from my dragonlike math teacher, Professor Batts (she's SCARY!!!), bought all my textbooks ($217 8() and went and got some TBC shot thingy at the infermery. ThEEEen I went to this mall, South Square, and ordered a mattress from Sleepworld...yey, I HAVE A MATTRESS! It's being delivered friday evening ($150 all and all 8(). I then went to New Hope Common, and Walmart...I got 3 huge pillows ($12), one portable cdplayer ($75), one graph calculator for math class ($94!!! And I HATE math!!!!!!!) and a blanket ($19). OH! And Depeche Mode "Violator" on cd..only $8..hehe..YEYEYEY! I finaly have it! Okay. The LOOKS and COMMENTS I got when I went back on the bus to Chapel Hill..EEK! I mean, it wasn't like I was stealing money from them, dammit, and how else was I supposed to get my stuff back home??? When I waited by the Lizards & Snakes Cafe for the bus back to Bolinwoods where I live, I ran into this girl I'd talked to at the same place a week earlier..she was kind enough to help me get my stuff on. The bus was SOOO crowded, and everyone gazed at me like I was the anti christ...I don't know if it was because of all the stuff I was loading aboard, or if it were the blue lipstick, but they were starring dammit 8(. Luckily, the guy I sat next to (I saw him last week too, and I overheard that his name's Steve...hehe, he's cuuute actualy ;) helped me out and joked some..but still. Getting it up those STEEP steep stairs, and then the REALLY steep hill up to our building..YIKES. And no one offered to help 8( The day before this asian lady helped me with the bags of groceries I bought at Timberlyne (to complete the saturday purchases)...but noooo, not those snotty damn students 8( Ah well. I can move into my room on friday! No more livingroom couch! No more other peoples pillows and blankie! I CAN LISTEN TO MY CDS!!! *sigh* I feel so good now. Wasn't hungry though, but since I hadn't eaten all day I made myself eat salad, bluecheese dressing, bread croutons, and bread. HIGH FIBER bread :P I'm healhty...I tried to buy as much stuff as possible that said Lo fat and No fat etc :)

Wednesday, January 14 Second day of classes. Funny how things change, monday I thought I hated most of the classes, today I see that I'll probably enjoy english class, despite all the grammar and the fact that the teacher seems snippy (The textbook has clips by Maya Angelou and Stephen King etc etc etc...I'm gonna enJOY reading it, even outside of assignments...and to think I OWN it! I also bought a Webster's Dictionary, to go along with the English- Swedish/Swedish-English dictionary I stole along with me from the library back home ;) Maths seem stinky as usual, of course, but the PSD will be interesting (tomorrow in lab we're gunna attend this 'celebration' type of memory thing for Martin Luther King Jr, I CAN'T WAIT! They're gunna have a speaker I think, and some choir'll sing..I just hope I can stay and watch the whole thing, coz my last bus go sometime after 5..in fact, it's 4.35 right now coz I thought I'd check today when the late bus leaves so I know for tomorrow..don't wanna be stranded here :) Things seem good, people are soooo friendly, and dammit, I'm broke but I'm happy. We're (well, Jesica and Aziza really) are putting together a little get together on saturday, as a sort of housewarming thing...we're gunna make dinner and stuff..hopefully it'll be fun. I already met Jesse and Joe (they picked me up with Aziza in Durham when I came in from Charlotte), and Joe was at our place saturday (heh, he's like our li'l handyman, during his stay he fixed the kitchen closet door that was stuck, helped me check and see if my stars would stick to my ceiling [he's rather tall, not like my brother Jimmy, but still], and got my mail key out of the mailbox...it's a copy, and it had gotten stuck when we tried it out) It'll be fun, I'm sure, and I'll wear my blue shirt dress and MY BLUE FEATHERBOA, hahahahaha. Scary 8)

Last minute babble: I got my school e-mail account..it's jalibasi@bambi.acc.nccu.edu :) DO send me mail there, otherwise it'll just sit there and feel lonely and empty...I'm so glad Jesica has a computer that we all may use..although lately I seem more proned to just sit and play tetris than spod. Odd 8) As far as this diary goes...I will keep on posting, not every day, and probably not in HUUUUGE bulks like this time, but I will be posting, so don't give up on me now, y'hear?:) Life is one exciting pie, and I'm nibbling at it right now...

Thursday, January 15. Leaving for sociology lab in..oh...3 minutes. Thought I'd drop a note at least..today was SOOO rainy!! And I kept missing buses by maybe 5 minutes each times, so I spent 1,5 hrs waiting for'em...my feet almost died of cold 8( I felt a bit blahy too this morning, so I called my mom home at her work...she got real happy, and I feel a lot better now so..yey :) She's gunna call saturday too. I had a smashing breakfast, Lucky Charms, cinnamon swirl bagels with Goober grape, and a chocolate snackpack..yey..hehe. This afternoon we're attending that Martin Luther King Jr tribute..can't wait! :) WHAT A GREY DAy. BLERGH. Maybe there'll be somethin' fun on tv tonight..and HEY, my mattress arrives tomorrow night, PLUS no school on monday, and since I have no tuesday classes...4 day weekend 8) Gunna try and trick Aziza and Jesica's friend Joe into driving me to Walmart so I can get a lamp and a bedspread..don't want to put myself through people's hate by trying to drag it on the bus again... Me and Jesica are gunna go see Titanic on saturday. I have a feeling I'll be the only one who don't cry. IT'S IN PUBLIC. I won't cry. Bye.

Tuesday, January 20. Ooh..it's been a while, hasn't it?:) Well...I'll try and recap things.. Titanic. Yes. I went and saw it. Um. I...cried. I know I said I wouldn't...but I did. Quite humorous actualy, as the others expected they'd cry, and I said I wouldn't, and then I was the one bawling... So. What did I think of the movie? I thought it was magnificent, grande, huge...everything. It's one of the better movies I've ever seen, which is sort of surprising to me, as I didn't expect to like it at all. I found both Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet exquisitly beautiful (I feel crazy coz I'm almost as pale as she is in the movie..and I like that. I'm just a pale kind of person.)...and all the scenes were grande, some were funny, some were painfully real...and. I. Cried. Yes...and DON'T YOU DARE say "TOLD YOU SO." The movie left me feeling unbelievably depressed though...I'm the kind of person who scarcely love, unless it's friends, and the possibilities that I'd find someone I would die for (yes I'm being melodramatic) are..very...very...slim. Although I am travelling around quite a bit, and the bus stops around here have some cclectic people...who knows ;) I'm going to see Titanic again next weekend. On my own. I can't get it out of my system.

I feel so odd. I don't know anybody, and it doesn't feel like we've adjusted to each other yet back home in the apartement. I don't know what I imagined, but whatever it was, this is more...hmm..uneventful. I don't know...I guess I'm going through a phase everyone who moves has to go through. I'm not homesick, actualy...I just don't feel like I belong here yet. I don't know anyone here...I haven't talked to anyone irl at all today, except for when I said "yeah" when asked if I was awake, and when I had to go around to different buildings in order to drop/add a class (it turned out I've been going to the wrong class all week long...same class, same time, different classroom, different teacher...). We even have voice mail, but I've never gotten one so far...and Jessica don't have a phone yet, so I can't call her. I'm...lonely, I guess. I mean I'm used to being by myself, but it's like the theme song for 'Cheers'..I wanna go somewhere where everybody knows my name...and they're always glad I came...Hehe..pathetic, I know :)

We were talking about strip clubs yesterday...more precisely, we saw the preview for the next episode of party of Five, where Julia catches her hubbie at a stripjoint, and got all upset..and I asked the others why she got so upset..and they looked at me like I was an alien. *smile* Well. To tell you the truth, I don't really have a problem with strip clubs. I don't believe there has to be any severe problems in the relationship just because one party decides to go see sexy women dance/strip and get arroused, unless it was a frequent thing. I would have a bigger problem if he decided to go have sex with somebody else, as much as I respect prostitutes...I mean, I really don't see getting arroused by other women/men as something really awful and deceiptful towards our relationship, unless it's used as a substitute for affection towards ME. I guess what I'm trying to get to is..um. Well. If you don't feel confident in the person you're with enough to trust them around other humans, then..I dunno. I might feel differently if it happened to me for real, but right now..I don't have a problem with it. Hell, I'd probably wanna go with'm :) I think there are so many different views on relationships, and what we expect from them. I'd expect respect. I'd expect them to not have sex with anybody else, mostly because that would be putting me at risk, I mean heh...I don't wanna be sleeping second hand with strangers. I would expect that I'd have an open enough relationship that whoever I was with felt they could tell me if'when they'd go to a strip club or something, and I'd expect tyhem to return very turned on and ready to have sex with ME. it's the same with porn movies. I don't really endorse the industry, because I feel it mistreats people, but I mean...I can get turned on by porn movies (depending on how it's made, heh...), and I mean...to me it's like, look, but don't touch anyone else but yourself or me is okay, and look and put your penis in someone else isn't. *shrug* Just my view.

Wednesday, January 21 I know I forgot to mention it yesterday...I did the STUPIDEST stupidest ssstupidest thing friday...I...accepted...a...ride...home...with...a...total...STRANGER. Now nothing happened, and I made him drop me off where I get off the bus, instead of having him drive me all the way home because...well, let's just say I spent the 45 minute drive beating my self up in my head for GETTING INTO A CAR with a STRANGER for a ride longer than 5 minutes. Heh. Well to my defense all I have to say is, it was RAINING, real bad, and I forgot I have a raincoat, and I never did bring my umbrella with me from Sweden, so I was VERY very soaking wet and really cold, and I'd already been standing outdoors waiting for the bus for half an hour...and I had 40 more minutes to wait...But GAWD I can be stupid. I didn't connect "nice person offering to drive me home" with "Don't ever get in a car with a stranger in America!!!" And I have this niceness problem...I don't want to insult the guy by saying "No thanx, I'd rather stand in the rain for 40 minutes than get in a car with you"...but dammit, I have to get over that. I mean even the GUY told me to NEVER EVER do that again, because there are dangerous parts around here and just to NEVER EVER do it again. Mom called saturday morning...and the last thing she said was "And don't ever get into a car with a stranger, y'hear?". I lied, of course. No mom. I won't. I'm sensible...you know that.

Friday was fun though..because when that guy dropped me off, I was on my way to Taco Bell to try something there out, and all of a sudden this cuuute guy stops me with a "Weren't you that girl from the bus the other day with all that...stuff?" Hehe, then I remembered...I had sat next to him, and I had him help me carry some of my bags..it was when I carried three pillows, a stereo and 3 large bags onboard the bus from WalMart. We ended up talking for maybe 10 minutes..Wowee. I mean really. That's the first time ANYone's ever done that to me, and it's even better coz I found him yummie when I first saw him ahhahah. With my luck he'll see this sometime. No wait, that WOULD be lucky, because that would mean we spoke again and he somehow got my url and got interested hehehe.. Aziza taped Rosie O'Donnell for me this morning (well turned on the vcr), so HOPEfully I have some fresh Adam Sandler to look forward to when I get home..first me and Jesica are gunna look around Chapel Hill though, and go have dinner somewhere..yey..finaly getting places :)