June
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One day I'll wish
Somewhere over the
Judy Garland, (The Wizard of Oz)
Kafka still pee's in my bed.
And he knows (Tori?) |
Today it feels like everything I have to say should go in that box on the left. Don't have big enough thoughts tonight to put them in this big shiny box.
I think about how awful that video for Madonna's song "Ray of Light" is. It's directed by a swedish guy too (oh god oh god oh god how shameful), and it's just plain ugly. What was she thinking? "It looks crappy, it's badly filmed, it COULD be the new Ace of base video, but the kids'll probably like it, I'm wearing black denim, I look HIP"
Words are useless, especically sentences
I feel like my brain all of a sudden got cable, it's zapping feverishly between all 250 channels like that, that, that. Thinking about all and nothing, of course. Things I won't ever write down, because they're just mundane thoughts like why do my nails get dirty so quickly after I clean them?
Jumping around reading random diaries. Maybe maybe maybe I'll find something inspirational crumpled up in some other persons diary that I can . (Does anyone remember the movie Maybe baby? I'm pretty sure it had Molly Ringwald in it. It sounds like a movie that WOULD have Molly Ringwald in it. And then there was that song by ... Amy Grant? "Baby baby..." Oh. Sidetracked.)
So I'm sitting here, real uninspired, and something happens. For the past ten minutes, I've been held hostage in a sense by a drunk man in his forties. He stumbled up to me, grabbed the chair next to me, and sat down. Puzzled, I looked at him, as he pulled the chair up real close to me, and started leaning on me. What the hell was I supposed to do. His greasy long hair, and the stench - so thick it's still in my air even though he left a few minutes ago. Ugh. Heh, I'm a bit in shock? That was so grrross! He kept leaning in on me, stroking my back, despite my repeated "Okay, DON'T do that.", squeezing my arm ARGH. I thought maybe I could get him to lose interest and leave if I just starred blankly at this computer screen, but I could see in the corner of my eye that he was starring intensly at me. He even had the gutts to wink at me. And in the midst of that, I didn't want to be mean, so I kept trying to figure out a way to make him leave without saying "GO AWAY." How sick is that? He left after I stuttered out a "Could you please leave me alone?" Before he walked off, though, he grabbed the back of his chair and lifted it with one arm up into the air, and grinned.
I'm going to have to stop writing for now, then. I need to work this through. What the hell just happened, heh? Gee. When you decided to read this entry, you had no idea you'd get this ecclectic thing, did you? Me neither.
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I am not your
I am not your
Things are getting
I am not your
Tori Amos, Raspberry Swirl (From The Choirgirl Hotel)
Kafka did NOT, I repeat, NOT pee in my bed. Now I'm paranoid, because he HAS to have peed SOMEWHERE. Hmm. |
I was a bit discouraged when I read that Douglas Coupland detests bell peppers. I don't know WHY it bothers me the least bit, it's just ... not BELLPEPPERS. I think they're my favourite vegetable. Especially the green ones. There's just something inevitably green and yummie about them, and it's almost ic to cut up a green, a red, a yellow, a white and an orange bellpepper, and fry them up together, the colour explosion almost hurts your eyes, and they swirl next to each other like spilt colours. I like bellpeppers.
Okay, I've only done this twice, no recipe, so I can't vouch for the amounts of ingredients, but still -- if you're lucky, it'll turn out real nice.
1 red bellpepper 1 large chunk of good melty cheese 9-12lasagna pasta plates 1 chunk of butter, about 50 grams 1 liter milk 1 deciliter flour 2 large red tomatoes (urg, I know..) 10 semi large fresh mushrooms Cut the two bellpeppers in halves, and then into stripes. Dice the tomatoes. Peel the mushrooms and slice them. Put'em away for a while while you: Melt the chunk of butter in a . Stir in the flour. Add allll the milk, and stir, stir, stir until your arm is just about to fall off, so that it doesn't get lumpy. Keep it boiling until it gets kind'a thick. Congratulations. You've just made bechamel sauce. (If you wanna make it exactly like me, stir in a bit of Heinz tomato ketchup, it looks gross but it adds flavour.) Now get out a lasagna thingy. Pour some sauce into it so it covers the bottom. Cover with lasagna plates, a bit of sauce, and then a layer of bellpepper stripes. Slice or rgate cheese and put on a layer. Add another layer of sauce, pasta plates, sauce, and then the mushrooms/tomatoes, cheese -- etc et , il you've reached the tip of the you're using. Last layer should be pasta plates, the leftovers of the sauce poured over, and lots and lots of cheese. Put in the over at 200 degrees celsius for about 30-45 minutes. EAT.
I may not be Julia Childs, but that is YUMMIE. In fact, it's what I'm na make today for dinner -- third weekend in a row. The best part is, it's enough leftovers for dinner tomorrow too. Heheh, I am pathetic, I know.
Maria was over last night. She's leaving today for a few weeks -- ugh. We talked a lot though, she played with the kitten (he's so cute you can't ignore it), we listened to Cranes and Jarboe (thanks Jessica for the tapppppes :), ate chips, drank heaps of Coca Cola, and whined about PJ Harvey, Bjork and Tori Amos never getting enough airplay, blah.
The good news is, she's na try and make me an mp3 out of this version she has of PJ and Bjork singing 'Satisfaction' at an old Brit Award show. Yey ... finally something new for my PJ page ... muahauahuah
Watch: The new Bjork video, it's for 'Hunter', and it should be on the upcoming 120 minutes on MTV, so if you like her - go sit and wait.
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I rue the day that
I cannot wait to
You might have been
We were a right You promised me poems You promised me poems You promised me poems You promised me poems
Tricky, Poems (Nearly God)
Success! Kafka pee'd and poo'd outdoors. Yeyyy ... let's here it for urination elsewhere than my bed, aye?
New Movies seen since Saturday:
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A came by today. She was in my high school class, although I think she and I have been in the same classes since kindergarten.
Episode.I can see how her brain is feverishly overjoyed at the sight of me. No, not because we were ever dear friends [hardly.], no no. It's the fact that she sees a new plum to squish with tales of her life that makes her freckles shine so bright. The first thing she says after her hello's [glazed like sweaty donuts, the sugar makes them dangle in the air before they reach me] is -- 'Oh I just moved back from this-or-that large city where I study nowadays. God, I'm already boooored booored, I mean really, I seem to have forgotten what on earth there is to do here, I can't believe I used to live here...' I wonder how hard she's worked on that new accent. Sometimes people are so eager to leave the old behind, they don't judge the new things they adapt to, anything, anything, anything new and big and shiny will do. I let her get inflated. I know it's mean of me, I know. But she's enjoying it so. Her eyes are so big and blue, squished between those heavy mascara lashes. It's those insect leg lashes, you know? Oh IPU, it's so easy to just nod and let her speak. "And I was thinking, maybe I should go to Spain and visit my brother, he lives there nowadays, y'know. I don't know, it's so hard to decided. My boyfriend is an exchange student in France right now, maybe I should go there? I don't know." It's so easy. So tempting. I think it's time. I'll let her ask. "So, what have you been up to?" "Well, I just got back from the US a few weeks ago. I study there, you see, and have all semester long. I'm an English major - got 3-4 years or so left, so I'm just home for the summer - much like you." NOT LIKE YOU NOT LIKE YOU SPLAT! I know it's terribly childish. It's just my turn to make them feel small. It is.
I just borrowed the most peculiar cd from the library. "Sounds we remember."
My cat Sammy came back. He was so big, so black, so dirty, so hungry ... and I nearly exploded into multicoloured stripes when I saw him. I fed him, I tickled his paws, I kissed his fur, and I called him all those names he hasn't been called in 6 months ... Sugar Prince, Plum Boy, Snuggle Cat ... of course, he was gone by the morning, but that's alright. He forgave me for leaving, and all. I feel so much better now. So much better. Cats.
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You promised me poems You promised me poems You promised me poems You promised me poems You promised me poems
Tricky, Poems (Nearly God)
Cats are fine. Sammy was home again, he wouldn't stop kissing my nose with his nose. Sweet cat he is mine.
New Movies seen since Yesterday:
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I keep feeling sick, for no good reason. I've stayed in bed and couch for endless hours, looked at my cats, played with the kitten, and watched so much tv. I can't bring myself to do anything, and yet I desperately want to get up and get online and see everyone I like that breathe like me, but then I don't.
I keep thinking I have a brain tumour. Heheh, hypocondriac, or what. It's because my left front tooth is giving off a weird taste ... well, it's not, it's just that every now and then, I feel a weird bitter taste in my mouth, and I can locate it strongest right behind that tooth. I'm thinking my brain turned itself bellyflop over, maybe, because I think I read sometime that the first signs of somethign weird with your brain is taste sensations and ear hallucinations and things like that. nevermind. There's nothing wrong. Honest. :)
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I'm so tired of playing
Oh yeah
From this time unchained
Oh yeah
So don't you stop being a man
Oh yeah
Its all I want to be, a woman
Portishead, Glory Box (Non-Album Track)
New Movies seen since Yesterday:
Does anyone else find that Billie Myers(sp?) song "Kiss the rain" really annoying? It's like someone ruffled through left over demo's from the times when "Right here waiting" with Richard marx, and "Don't want to lose you" with Gloria Estefan were blasting all over the radio and tv, and decided we needed another POWERBALLAD. Winds of Change. Arrrrgh. And the video. GHOD! "Let's have a shot where she squeezes a blue heart shaped balloon until it blasts into pieces. That'll show them how heart broken (haha, see what I mean?) she is!" I recall someone reviewing the video with the words "Well, a while ago I heard the term psycho bitch. It seems suitable." *Note, said by a woman, if that matters. CLICHE cliche cliche. Blargh.
Maybe I'm the afterglow
don't you hear the laughter
Yes I am the anchorman
Gonna meet a great big star
Way down
Tori Amos, Way Down (Boys for Pele) |
Had a fight with my brother, again. It's really wearing me out, I haven't been feeling well for days now, and these constant unnecessary confrontations with my brother - not what I need. Not to mention it would wear anyone out to be subjected to screaming and litanias of how stupid one is a few times every day. Yesterday I was told what an idiot I was, simply because I had chosen to make my toast in the living room instead of the kitchen, for not knowing that I should use channels between 18 and 30 instead of the 1-20 instead (same channels, just different locations on the satellite dish box), and for not recognizing that his tv, which happens to be situated in the livingroom, is a soccer only tv, meaning the second he gets home, it should be turned onto wherever there is a soccer game going on, regardless if I'm watching something else. This morning, I woke him up at 11 am to tell him I was leaving the kitten upstairs in moms room, because I was going to be gone all day, and my room is freezing (12 degrees celsius - about 50-55 degrees farenheit). His response was to chase me out by the stairs, punch my shoulder repeatedly, and then, as a finale, kick my back in an attempt to get me down and out the apartement faster. I don't even feel things like that anymore. You think I would. I left the kitten with my grandmother, and went off to get sucked into the web cabels.
I hear Geocities has decided to abuse their members' accounts even further. Lucky for me, all the computers I can get to use older browsers, but from what I understand - some or most of you are now forced to read this with an ugly big Geocities logon infiltrated into my layout. I'm sorry. I'm looking into moving, really, I am, but if you knew how many files and images I actually use around here, you'd see that it's several hours worth of work. I was going to try Xoom, but they only seem to offer either a really lame "follow these easy 10 000 steps and we'll help you make a page" 'editor', or the ability to ftp your files there. Unfortunately, I won't stand the first offer, and the second isn't an option for me. I would happily jump to Tripod, but for now, their popup window is as annoying as what they have here, so I'll just wait a while. Maybe I'll pay somewhere? Argh? What is with Geocities, though? I've been happy here for almost two years, I could even live with the popup windows, but what's with the "Let's interrupt everyone's layout with a big ugly Geocities logo!" thing? I would have happily put a nice small logo at the bottom of the pages, if that's what they think they need, but what's this going to serve? Do they think people are so stupid, they don't even know where they are? "It says geocities.com in the url to this page, but I'm not sure, gee, it might be a Tripod page. Oh LOOK, there, it says, repeated on every page, GEOCITIES, I guess it IS then." Frustration.
I have a headache now. I wish I wasn't so lazy, and I wish I actually believed in headache medications.
I think I said it before - I haven't been feeling well these past days. Maybe it's the rain? I've always enjoyed raining and dreary weather, but right now, it just feels like one big meterological manifestation of how my brain feels. Maybe it's because Maria left for a few weeks, maybe it's the stress of my brother, maybe it's the weather.
I stopped going to #analove a while ago. I stop in every now and then, but there's rarely anyone I recognize there, but then, I am in a different timezone now. I check in on Ana maybe once a week, but I don't know. I still find her fascinating, I just can't bring myself to be as active as I used to. My energy is at a low point, right now, I can't be bothered with new people much, it seems, except when it comes to e-mail. I go through these phases where I either barely mail at all, or where I want people to write me mastodont letters, that I'll try and reply on as excessively. Unfortunately, since I've been on one of those "I can't do e-mail now, I have nothing to say" spells, hardly anyone e-mail me anymore, except for the random "i like your page! bye!" mails, or my close friends (both kinds of mail - very, very much appreciated, believe me :). I have tried to keep an e-mail thread going with a new person though, it's mainly about music, but then it'll die out when I can't think of anything else I listen to to rant about, and that'll be that ... but then, maybe I'll be in a "don't feel like doing e-mail right now" phase, anyways. Jessica told me about onelist a while ago, which allows you to have your own mailing list. Enthralled as I am by these gadgets that become more and more easily obtained for free, I decided to get my own. I'll give further details as soon as I see what happens ... no, I don't expect people to come running to subscribe, so don't worry. It's just another one of my follies that'll remain empty and rather unused, until I get stressed by it and give up.
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