July/August

Thursday, July 30
He called me Magdalene So much my eyes have seen Cleopatra would have wept for these of green I watch the people leave I walk the sorry town When I saw him first he was looking down He called me Magdalene My [] queen But he would not look Into these eyes of green And we were there alone No one else around And when I turned to him He was still looking down I came, I witnessed, followed found Returned returned He is still looking down still looking down And the people leave Leave this girl Leave this girl Leave this town And still he dares Dares not look at me He's drawing circles in the ground PJ Harvey (Pascal Comelade), Green Eyes. I even saved the ticket stub, see? I'm very .. slow, right now. A bit like I'm mentally hybernating. It's not that I don't have things I want to do, right now, it's simply that I know I'll get them done .. eventually. *kiss* to Aziza for mailing me, even though she tells me envious things, like having just spent a week at a resort by the Red Sea. Soon. :) My brother scares me lately. He's been far too nice. We've played CARDS, he's given me MONEY, watched movies WITH me, without even telling me to shut up when I laughed ... definately scary. Maybe it's because he's trying to change my mind about tomorrow. They're having a Seinfeld fest on one of our cable channels. 19 hours straight with the two last seasons - and my brother wants me to tape them all. Excuse me? It starts at 4.30 am! I'll help out, but geez. I'm a bit sad about it, though, because they have never aired the last Seinfeld episode in Sweden, but are going to then and ... well. It's been the only thing I could threaten with this summer when we've bickered. "Give that back or I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED!" It's worked like a charm.	As you may have guessed, I went to Denmark yesterday after all. It turned out to be an okay trip, despite my reluctancy to go at first. I was quite a bitch most of the trip, though, to my own dismay. Lately I've been very sour and snappy. I think it has to do with me leaving in now, less than two weeks. I just don't know what I feel, really, because on one hand I'm ecstatic, I'm going to America again, I'll see my friends and see Tori .. on the other, it's shitty, because I won't see THESE friends until next summer, nor my family, my cats, my room, the stuff I have to leave behind. I guess it's supposed to be like this, though. Can't have it all. The Trip To Copehagen, step by step. Left home in a big car around 7 am with a few of my cds clutched in my hands in hope to get to play them eventually. Broke my sunglasses. Depressing. 10:30 am - Malmo. Figured out that The Rolling Stones were to play in Copenhagen that same evening as I kept seeing a billion people with that lips and tongue logo on t-shirts. Discovered that most ferry rides to Copenhagen had been booked already. Settled for stand by tickets, hoping we'd get on a ferry eventually. Got on the first ferry, despite the fact that they really had no room. First they let ppl with standby tickets numbered up to 25 board. After some pleading, my cousin got us on board too (we had numbers 28-32). I spent the 30 minute ride standing up since there were no seats left, worrying that we'd sink due to people overload. Copenhagen. Ghod what a beautiful city. Split up with my family as all they wanted to do was to enter every shop on sight containing clothes, and me .. not wanting that. Started making plans to get to the hospital where The Kingdom takes place (refresh your memory here.). Scrapped the plans. Walked aimlessly around in Copenhagen in search for a music store with bootlegs. Did not succeed. Stumbled upon Museum Erotica and decided to go inside and have a look. I really liked parts of the exhibitions, the old daguerrotype photopgraphs of prostitutes were _amazing_, but I have to confess, it felt a bit strange to look at a videowall composed of tv screens showing 15 or more different pornmovies at the same time, whilst strangers were around. I got over it after a while, though. If you're ever in Copenhagen, do give it a visit. Had falafel. Sulked over not finding anything I wanted to buy. Saw a Swedish tv celeb. Didn't even get excited, even though I used to think he was real cute. Instead I just looked at him saltily as he passed. I could tell he noticed. Alarming. Went back to Sweden on a crowded ferry. They kept showing the same 9 minute clip over and over and over on the tv screens, a mix between "Funny" clips of people falling down or accidentally getting slapped, and candy commercials. My family decided to go to more stores in Sweden. i finaly found things to buy. I bougth Polaroids from the Dead by Douglas Coupland, a strapless bra because I've never seen/worn one ever before, a manic panic like hairdye called 'fire' to use the night I leave for America, and a liquerish icecream. Visited some more family in Malmo. Unfortunately my cousin Sanna wasn't there, so I quess I'll have to wait to see her next summer .. I will have missed almost 2 years of her life by then. Blah. Drove home around midnight. Tried to play my cds, but my cousin (who was driving) couldn't stand Tori, nor Bjork .. instead she left the radio on. LOUD. And that was that.
Friday, July 31
Last night my kisses Were banked in black hair And in my bed, my lover, Her hair was midnight black And all her mystery dwelled Within her black hair ... On my fingers lingers the smell Of her deep black hair Full of all my whispered words Her black hair And wet with tears and good-byes, Her hair of deepest black All my tears cried against Her milk-white throat Hidden behind the curtain Of her beautiful black hair As deep as ink and black Black as the deepest sea The smell of her black hair Upon my pillow Where her head and all its Black hair did rest Today she took a train to the West Nick Cave, Black Hair	I've worked all day on something .. not sure how it will turn out, but hopefully it'll get all nice and pretty and special .. I'll link to it tomorrow. From the size of this, I'm sure you can tell I've either got nothing to say, or have very little time to say it in. It's a combination of both. Maybe if I speak in really short sentences, I can say something after all? Ninnie spent the night, which was nice. Kafka the kitten (NOT Jessica, okay?:) farted. Quite horridly, too. I had lemon tea from Turkey. At least it says it's lemon. It's a bright yellow powder in a tiny plastic jar. It colours the water bright yellow too, which of course suits me marvellously. I'm helping my brother tape the 19 hour Seinfeld marathon. I'm in charge of the 7 pm - midnight tapings. Sadly enough, that is my idea of a really fun friday night. Maybe it IS time I get back to America. I can go to cheap movies and buy pizza and feel like I did something friday'ish. Ah well. At least the thought of working on my webpage sounds tempting once again, as opposed to incredibly boring and stressful, like the past three days. yey :)
Saturday, August 1
Yah yeah, I had 4 minutes precisely to scan and make something to put up in that other box. So it's crappy. You'll live. 8) It's odd how watching 23 Seinfeld episodes in a row suddenly makes one want to scream "FANCYBOY!" at everyone, and prance about.
Monday, August 3
i watch me be this other thing and never know if i'm marooned o'er where the purple people go then lily white mattress hide from vicious words it doesn't leave a scratch so therefore no one's hurt thunder wishes it could be the snow wishes it could be as loved as she can be these gifts are here for her for you for me and on and on the nurses make it clear just when you escape you have yourself to fear a restaurant that never has to close breakfast every hour it could save the world so hey do you do judo in your finery an angel's face is tricky to wear constantly thunder wishes it could be the snow wishes it could be as loved as she can be these gifts are here for her for you for me Tori Amos, Purple People Started Writing entry at 1:55 pm I decided to try for once and work with today's entry exclusively, from start to finish, with no fiddeling about elsewhere on my pages. I was quite astounded to see that it took 2 hrs and 15 minutes - despite today's entry being a rather frivolous one. I don't even want to think about how much time I spent just searching the web for info and pictures related, or how many hours one of my longer, more personal entries takes to compose, edit and put up. Eek! Ended Writing entry at 4:10 pm Utterly dreary day. My simplenet account is seriously weird, so I can't ftp anything into it, nor even view it. Of course this happens on the one day I'm bursting with inspiration to work. No fair 8( I leave for America next wednesday. EEK. I'm not really nervous about it, because now I know pretty much what to expect when I get there and .. well, I think I've travelled enough the past 3 years to have lost some of my fears and phobias about getting lost or on the wrong plane. In fact, accidently ending up on a flight to Malaysia seems like a quite fun mav at the moment. I'd forgotten just how much STUFF there is to do before these trips. I think my mom is more stressed than I am - she keeps knocking on my door to tell me she's bought a teadrainer or two new pair of socks or some Sweden napkinks for my birthday to bring. My head is constantly filled with calculations of what money I'll have available, and what they need to be enough for (3 rents, apartement deposit, food, tuition, school books, bus fares .. etc etc.) Luckily, my parents are still willing to help me out, so I think things will hold water this semester. Mom even decided to help me finance buying a used computer, so that I don't have to spend 60% of my days in the school labs, trying to work on my page, talk to friends and write last minute essays. *sigh* I'm going to miss her.	I spent last night simultaneously watching three movies on 3 different channels that all started 9 pm. It helped that I'd seen two of them several times before (and yes, they both still make me cry. Blah.), and that the third wasn't very interesting (Stella, with Bette Midler. Awful movie, but I still love Bette Midler. Hey! Stop pointing and laughing. I like outrageous pottymouths.) What WAS interesting though, was that the 'stars' in two of the movies had something in common. They're both druggy actors with halfdead careers. Exhibit A: The Platoon with Charlie Sheen. I view this movie as the height of his career, simply because it shows really nice acting. This movie let him seem like an actual person, much like in Cadence (another good movie with him in military clothes). Even though I like some of his latter movies, it can't be helped. Something has .. happened. He's turned from cute believable guy into puffy face person with dim eyes. Somewhere along the way, he lost ... IT. It went from "Oh, cool, Charlie Sheen's in it, he's alright" to "NO you did NOT spend MY money on a Charlie Sheen movie! I kill you!". Nowadays he's always in these movies that rides whatever wave is sweeping through Hollywood at the moment. I guess it's not HIS fault that these scripts are the ones being sent to him, but still. It's alright, coinkydinks happen, but I really doubt that the movies he's starred in were in the works long before the similar movies that became actual hits. Speed becomes a hit, next we know Charlie stars in Terminal Velocity AND The Chase. Contact becomes somewhat of an hit, and suddenly he stars in The Arrival, about an astrophysicist who suddenly gets radiosignals from space ... These are movies made for the people who can't really keep track of actors names or movie titles .. the ones who walk into videostores and ask for "You know that movie with aliens and some signal from space with that ..guy? Or was it woman? I dunno .. got anything like that?" I think it's about time someone tied Charlie to a chair and made HIM watch these movies too. Maybe that'd shake him up enough to .. I dunno. Say no to the obvious cliche movies, take a year off, THINK about things, join a performance group and get that clear glint back in his eyes? After visiting a Charlie Sheen Page I am startled to find that he had a poetry book published in 1988, and that he said NO to a Major League III because... "he wants to star in movies that will improve his image as a dramatic actor. No more fooling around." Okay .. SO POO ON ME for going soft everytime I see him enter a baseball field in ugly glasses, with an entire audience singing "Wild Thing" then. Dammit. 8( Charlie Sheen movies to see instead of the crappy new ones. Platoon Lucas Eight Men Out Major League I and II Cadence Hot Shots I and II Exhibit B: Chaplin, with Robert Downey Jr. Hello? Down the drain check? I think this is one of the weirder things. I find Chaplin to be a wonderful movie, mostly because it was a great story, but also because Robert Downey Jr just .. played it real well. It's just so sad to see that it's all just .. gone, that star thing he had glowing about him. I can't say as much about him as I can about Charlie Sheen, mainly because this is just .. much weirder. Here's an actor who CAN ACT, and still hasn't gotten anything together. Drugs? Plenty, it seems. But still. It's .. sad. *sigh* I can't even put together a nice list of things to watch where he was good, because you really only need to see Chaplin, to see it, and anything after that to see it .. gone.
Tuesday, August 4
Ride on ride on friends of the black swan Ride on ride on do you know where she's gone? Tori Amos, Black Swan www.sanrio.com Fortune: You'll find yourself thinking a lot about the past this week. Maybe it's an unfinished project... maybe it's someone who has seemed to disappear from your life. Finish what you started. Your lucky day is Friday. For "Honeybear" and her father, whom I didn't know personally. Sadness.	Poo. Jessica logged off 14 minutes ago to start her bustrip to Toronto, where she'll stay with Debbie. I already miss her ridiculously much. I suppose it's because I know that no matter how many times I check the screen, she won't have magically logged back on. I hope she has a wonderful, safe journey, and when she arrives - many laughters and nice memories to bring back to tell about. Idyllic, eh? I've finally gained enough inspiration to work on my pages again. Unfortunately, it means I spend all day working on images and with html, neglecting to properly answer e-mails sent to me, making me feel all guilty and blahy. If I 'owe' you mail - sorry. It's coming, honest. :) Creeping Myrtle has a new site www.doldrum.com. Out of the ghoodness of my heart (hehe...), I urge you to scoot over to Indie 25 Top Chart, and click on "Creeping Myrtle" .. I like voting campaigns, and since this is the only band where I know a member, I think helping out's a nice thing ;)
Wednesday, August 5
Things you'd expect to be Having effect on me Pass undetectedly But everyone knows what has got me Takes me completely Touches so sweetly Reaches so deeply I know that nothing can stop me The sweetest perfection To call my own The slightest correction Couldn't finely hone The sweetest infection Of body and mind Sweetest injection Of any kind Depeche Mode, Sweetest Perfection Not illustrating the song, doh. I'm actually working on my page, like, for real. Maybe I can get it together till I leave?	It's funny - if I know that Jessica is just at home, sleeping, I'm fine. Jessica on a bus for days - I go bonkers. I feel a bit ridiculous, because it's not the end of the world - it's a few weeks. Still. It bothers me. I'm just so used to her being online with me. All of a sudden there's this big empty space in my head, things I have to keep trapped inside my head because I can't tell them to her, no matter how small a thing it is. ("If a Jennie goes to the bathroom without first announcing it to Jessica, will Jennie really have been to the bathroom?") Pathetic. And then there's the part of me that's all giddy and nervous and scared and blase and excited and all that. A week from now -I'll- be doing the travelling. I'm gunna get to see Aziza again whom I've missed like crazy, I'm going to get to eat bagels and proper nachos and maybe drink blue stuff again, and HELLO, I'm finaly going to see that Tori do exist. This last week is really hard to live through, though. I have to try and squeeze in visits to all those people I've promised to visit before I leave, make sure I have everything I want to bring, pretend it's not sad that I'm leaving... emotionally exhausting. I'm sure you can tell it's leaving me in a "I'm staying in bed forever" mood. I've already begun to try and make it up to my cat Sammy - three nights in a row I've spent about an hour cuddeling and snuggeling and talking with him. Afterwards I've broken out into allergy attacks, but who cares? And WHO THE HELL decided that it would be fun to make me allergic to my own cat, whereas any other cat is just fine? Is that not EVIL? I think so. 8(
Thursday, August 6
I have a tale to tell Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well I was not ready for the fall Too blind to see the writing on the wall A man can tell a thousand lies I've learned my lesson well Hope I live to tell The secret I have learned 'till then It will burn inside of me I know where beauty lives I've seen it once I know the warm she gives The light that you could never see It shines inside you can't take that from me The truth is never far behind You kept it hidden well If I live to tell The secret I knew then Will I ever have the chance again? If I ran away I'd never have the strength To go very far How would they hear the beating of my heart? Will it grow cold the secret that I hide, will I grow old? How will they hear? When will they learn? How will they know? Madonna, Live To Tell I've grown ridiculously fond of messing pictures up. In fact, it excites me so much, I might just redesign this diary as a nice project for tomorrow. I'm already done with the basic layout of the new PJ page over at simplenet, and I have quite a few ideas for the rest of the page, so I'm really taking my time and trying things out, playing around, asking people "Does this look cool? Why not??", loving every second of it. It sounds awful, but with no Jessica around, I actually spend a LOT more time getting things done. Heheheh. She's been on a bus for days, now. I wonder what she's doing? It's early in America right now, so I suppose she might be sleeping. I can just see her in a bus chair, with her walkman headphones slightly askew as her head rests sleepily. Or maybe she's listening to a scary person next to her rant about Jesus. What do I know. (Though I hope for the first ;)	I went on a shopping splurge last night. Most surprisingly, I spent an (for me) obscene amount of money on makeup articles. I bought things I've only read about in those glossy magazines that other ppl seem to buy (I rarely buy magazines, and when I do, it's either a music/movie magazine, or a comic magazine. I get my glossy magazines from friends and family second hand, instead.) The thing is, I've never bought these things before because A) I can be a Cheap Ass who rather buys things like cheap white babypowder and lip balms which helps blend what I already have into 20 new shades and colours, and keep cheap old makeup around until they become biohazards, and B) It's very hard to find things that match my very pale, pinkish complexion. However, since my dad gave me $70 to buy a backpack for my trip, and I found a nice one for only $20, I decided that this unexpected money should be spent on something I would never buy with "my" money. Once I got past the "but I should save it! I won't find anything anyways! I could buy 2 CDs!" obstacle, I really got into it. I must have smeared dussins of different creme's and powder samples and lipsticks on my hands and arms (Which seemed a bit silly, as I have a different skintone on my arms than on my face, but I don't want other people's germs smeared into my face.) Eventually I ended up with things that all seemed to be called "ivory fair blonde" and "Moonshadow", and other meant to be descriptive, and yet alluring enough for women to want to buy. It didn't seem to turn me into a yellow faced clown, so I bought it. I also bought all those little brushes and spatulas and sponges that makes it feel more like you're painting your face with oilpaints rather than subtle powders and liquids, some facial mud and peelings, and a few hairclips (I made sure to pick colours I thought would look nice with my hair AFTER I dye it crayon red on tuesday, like .. yellow, and dark green. I'm so s-m-r-t.) I was surprised at how fun being frilly can be if you decide that you can actually afford it. Of COURSE I tried it all on late last night (in fact, right before I went to sleep at 4 am) .. heh. I looked very .. different? I suppose. I usualy don't use a lot of makeup, not even when it looks like it, so the smeared and coloured face that looked back at me in the mirror felt odd. It didn't look BAD (In fact, I think I wouldn't even have minded if anyone had tried to take my picture right then), but it made me feel a bit ill at ease. It's sort of like everyone has all these options of what image to project to other people, and all of a sudden, someone added the option "Glossy 902 10 person". I doubt I'd ever go out like that in public because .. well, I looked like the sort of girls that I dislike when I see them. I like Madonna. Or rather, I like the Madonna that was everywhere when I was growing up. I borrowed a CD, The Immaculate Collection a few days ago from my cousin, and it hasn't left my cdplayer yet. It's like a soundtrack to my early teen years, darnit, and it feels so yummie. I don't love it all. Evita-Madonna, and icky Ray-of-Light-Madonna creep me out a bit (though I adore Frozen some days.) I still think she's alright, I just don't like the kind of music she's made the past years much. Throaty Like-A-Prayer-Madonna will always make me dance, I just can't help it. Live-To-Tell-Madonna will always make me sad. Cherish-Madonna will always make me want to become a mermaid and swim in the ocean .. it's just how it's always going to be. And I'm okay by it. I can even sing along to things like True Blue, Baby, I love you! without feeling too dorky. I just don't care about flying tomatoes, anymore. Haha .. I spotted Bjork in the movie Pret-A-Porter. Did you?
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