Computing Zen

This is a great prank to play on someone who is computer-phobic. Print it out and give it to them. Be warned, though, that after reading this, they probably never will use a computer.

This is a step-by -step guide to using your compter and felling comfortable. Now sit in front of it. Don't touch that "on" switch! Just look at it for a while. Pick your head up from this paper and look at it! Good. Did you notice how it looked all blocky and ugly? They do that on purpose, you know. Sit in front of it for a while. Do you realise that it can't do anything harmful while it's turned off? If you want to stop right here, it's ok. We won't hold it against you. You can use it as an interesting paper weight. But we assume that if you paid thousands of dollars for something, you might want to use it for a purpose other than a paper weight. (unless, of course, you are thilthy rich and can afford thousands of dollars worth of paper weights. If this is the case, the editors remind you that we do accept donations...) If you would like to use your computer for non-paper weight purposes, however, first you should get aquainted with it. Put your hand on the mouse. Do you feel its contoured sides fit right into your hand? We don't. But if you do, please let us know. Move the mouse around. Notice how again nothing happens. Do you want to go further? OK. This is the moment of truth. Push the "on" button. Not the monitor yet, just the computer. Is it beeping and lighting up? It's supposed to do that. Now, the moment we've all been waiting for. Turn on your moniter. We mean it. The screen should light up. It should be really bright.... like it's alive.... or possesed... geeze, this is creepy. Um, ok, stay calm. It's just a computer. It can't..... do anything? Oh no....

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

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to The Procrastinator's Aid.