Wordperfect Helpline
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; However, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CALLER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect"
TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CALLER: "Well. I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
TECH: "Went away?"
CALLER: "They disappeared."
TECH: "Hmm - So what does your screen took like now?"
CALLER: "Nothing."
TECH: "Nothing?"
CALLER: "It's blank; It won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CALLER: "How do I tell?"
TECH: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
CALLER: "What's a sea-prompt?"
TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CALLER: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything when I type."
TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CALLER: "What's a monitor?"
TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CALLER: "I don't know."
TECH: "Well, then look on the back of thee monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CALLER: "Yes I think so."
TECH: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CALLER: "Yes it is."
TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it. Not just one?"
CALLER: "No."
TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CALLER: "Okay, here it is."
TECH: "Follow it for me and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CALLER: "I can't reach."
TECH: "Uh huh. Well. Can you see if it is?"
CALLER: "No."
TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CALLER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - its because it's dark."
TECH: "Dark?"
CALLER: "Yes. The office light is off and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
TECH: "Well turn on the light then."
CALLER: "I can't."
TECH: "No? Why not?"
CALLER: "Because there's a power outage."
TECH: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CALLER: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
TECH: "Cool. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CALLER: "Really. Is it that bad?"
TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CALLER: "Well, all right then, I suppose - What do I tell them?"
TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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