Prove Anything
Methods for getting people to believe you (as good as, if not better than, proof). A collection of proof techniques that will prove invaluable to both mathematicians and members of the general public.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #1 - 'Proof By Induction'
- Obtain a large power transformer.
- Find someone who does not believe your theorem.
- Get this person to hold the terminals on the HV side of the transformer.
- Apply 25000 volts AC to the LV side of the transformer.
- Repeat step (4) until they agree with the theorem.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #2 - 'Proof By Contradiction'
- State your theorem.
- Wait for someone to disagree.
- Contradict them.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #3 - Fire Proof
- Summon all your inferiors for a departmental meeting.
- Present your theorem.
- Fire those who disagree.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #4 - The Famous Water Proof
- State your theorem.
- Wait for someone to disagree.
- Drown them.
Note: Proof #4 is closely related to the 'bullet' proof, but is easier to make look like an accident.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #5 - Idiot Proof
- State your theorem.
- Write exhaustive documentation with glossy colour pictures and arrows about which bit goes where.
- Challenge anyone to not understand it.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #6 - Child Proof
- State your theorem.
- Encapsulate it in epoxy and shape it into an ellipsoid.
- Put it in a jar with all the other proofs (one with one of those Press-to-Open lids).
- Give it to a professor and challenge him to open it.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #7 - Rabbit Proof
- Generate theorems at an altogether startling rate, much faster than anybody is able to refute them. Use up every body else's paper. Run away at the slightest sign of danger.
- Leave any crap in small, easily identified piles, in prominent places where you no longer are, and it cannot in fact be proven that you ever were.
- PROOF TECHNIQUE #8 - Fool Proof
- State your theorem.
- Invite colleagues to comment.
- If they don't agree, exclaim loudly, "You Fools!"
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