Ok here is my problem....?? I am a 17 year old female and I have never
considered ever being with a women.. but, latley I have been having problems
with men always treating me like crap and I have caught myself thinking about
girls. And I don't know what this means. I also think that I would like to
try something with a girl, but I think that I would feel really weird..
what should I do, I hope you can help me
Well, you are still young and you haven't fully
developed sexually (in an emotional way). My guess, however, is that you
are feeling a knee jerk reaction to these negative experiences. As long as
you feel any anxiety about trying anything sexually, then don't. I would
take a break from relationships and wait for the perfect person (guy or girl).
Someone who does not treat you like crap and someone that will respect you.
Don't jump into anything and I'm sure everything will be just fine. Good
luck and keep us updated.
Stan
I think that if you are having doubts then it is
not the time to go experimenting. I wouldn't do anything until you are more
sure about your feelings. You don't want to do anything that you might regret
down the road. Just give it time and see if these feelings stay around. you
might also want to talk with a counselor to sort through your thoughts, sometimes
it helps to have an objective person to listen to your concerns.
Amy
My boyfriend and I had been going out for 20 months ( the longest relationship
for both of us). He's 17, and I'm 19. We talked a lot about getting married
in the future, and he chose to go to the same college as me so he could be
close to me, The past couple of months have been going downhill. We don't
fight, but it seems as if we don't have anything to talk about. He started
pulling away and I did too. Well, we decided that maybe if we split up for
a little while, we would get that spark back and a renewed interest in each
other. So, we broke up about 3 weeks ago and decided not to contact each
other until this last monday when we would go to the movies. Well Monday
came and he didn't call me like he promised he would. ( He NEVER breaks a
promise.) Well, I called him. He wasn't home and never called me back. So,
I went to his house the next morning to talk to him. I wanted to let him
know how much I missed him and wanted him back. Well, I never knew someone
could change so much in 3 weeks. He's gone totally wild. He's had to tell
me that this has been the funnest 3 weeks he has had in a really, really,
really long time. And that he's already kissed 4 different girls ( 2 of which
are models). And he won't even look at me. He won't talk to me like he used
to. Everything is a secret to me. He even informed me that he got his dick
pierced. I'm a pretty girl and have always been there for him ( even when
he was committed to an insane asylum ). I was there for him. After all we've
been through how can he do this to me. And how can he be over me so quickly.
What can I do to get MY boyfriend back. I miss him so much and this person
he's turned into the past 3 weeks is not him. I love him more than anything.
And I know he used to feel the same about me. I know he still cares about
me a little. What do I do?
I'm sorry to tell you this, and I think you already
know. But it sounds like it is over. He has moved on and seems to be happy.
Not to mention it, but he also sounds like a jerk. Why would he throw it
in your face that he's kissed 4 girls and 2 models and so forth? Give me
a break. You are a pretty girl and I'm sure that you will have no problem
finding a really good guy out there in no time. This is another example that
you should never, ever base where you go to college on your boyfriend/girfriend.
I'm afraid you two simply grew apart, which usually happens with high school
sweethearts. He obviously isn't done changing and maturing and you probably
aren't either. Good luck and keep us updated : ).
Stan
I think that this guy OBVIOUSLY has some problems.
You skimmed right over the fact that he was committed to an insane asylum.
I think this a big factor in his behavior that you must account for. You
both decided to take a break, and he liked it, that's the risk you took and
now you are going to have to deal with the results. I wish you luck, it is
hard to get over a guy, but it seems that he has moved on, and now you need
to.
Amy
i am 20yrs old and got married when i was 19yrs old. i am determined to
make our marriage work but the first year found out my husband cheated on
me with his ex-girlfriend 1mth before we got married. it hurt so bad that
i didnt know how to still love him. now i am trying to get passed it but
still always think of it . i think that the way i dwell on it is unhealthy.
can you please give me some advice on how to repair this marriage, and how
i can get my self esteem back that was destroyed by this. OR IS THERE ANY
HOPE FOR US??
Well, you need to talk to your husband.
Explain to him your fears and your thoughts. You can't have a good relationship
without trust and you don't seem to trust him yet. Remember that he must
care for you or he wouldn't have married you. You have no reason to have
a self esteem problem. I am sure that you are a beautiful, smart girl. You
did get married a little young and that is going to make your marriage a
little more difficult to make work, but it certainly can be done. He will
have to work at it too though. Good luck and please keep us updated and feel
free to write back with any other questions.
Stan
This is an extremely difficult situation, and for
me personally I don't think I have it in me to ever forgive anyone for that.
However, I don't think it is necessarily the end for you. If you can build
trust in your relationship again then you can probably move on, but problems
like this tend to linger. I think that you are in an interesting situation
in that you have only invested a year in the marriage, and if you got a divorce
it would not affect children, and it would be more like a break up than a
divorce. No one can tell you what to decide, you are going to have to figure
that out for yourself, but remember that sometimes this is just a sign of
things to come.
Amy
hi, I'm 18 and my girlfriend and I would like to start having sex... GREAT!..
well not really. To be honest I am quite big and she is a virgin. I am affraid
that having sex will hurt her and I sooo do not want her first experience
to hurt. My first time, the girl actually told me to pull out because it
hurt too much (she was also a virgin... supposedly). I was wondering if extra
luberication would help or maybe oral or fingering her before actually
having sex. We have talked about this before and she says she'll be fine,
but she's never seen how big I really am, and I dont think she realizes that
it'll hurt her the first time. PLEASE HELP!! I'll try anything!
P.s. if it helps any... im 9 1/2 inches long and 2 inches wide at the
head... yes i measured, just like any other guy would!
Don't take this the wrong way, this is not aimed
at you but at we males all over the world. I think that it is funny that
men measure themselves. It is clearly more proof that they care about their
size 200 times more than women do. But, you do have an interesting point.
More women complain about someone being too big than they do about someone
being too small. I would suggest simply that you are easy with her and using
a little extra lubrication wouldn't hurt (pardon the pun). I wouldn't worry
about it, but just listen to her and take it slow. A virgin's first time
is going to hurt anyway, no matter what your size, that's just a
fact.
Stan
It is going to hurt the first time weather you are
5 inches or 10. The first time a girl has her hymen broken, it is going to
be painful. After the first time, it probably will be no problem, believe
it or not 9 1/2 inches is nothing in comparison to a child squeezing through
the vaginal area. I don't think that you need to be worried, everything will
probably be fine.
Amy
hi!
More than a year ago I met a wonderful person I am having the best
relationship I ever had. It seemed that everything is just fine but few days
ago he told me he feels bad about making love. He said it's because of his
religious feelings(like we're not married etc.). When he asked me what do
I think about it, I told him it's ok and that the most important thing for
me is him to be himself.Although I appreciate his honesty I am confused-
why he didn't tell me before?, and I feel like I've been betrayed or something.
I mean, we are really great friends and we used to talk about sex normally
but he never mentioned that before.
The problem is that I don't know what to do now. He noticed that I've
been acting strange since that conversation but I don't have any strength
to tell him how disappointed I am cocerning the fact that when he first told
me I reacted like it's fine. Now I feel like he was making love to me just
to please me and he was feeling guilt all the time.And I can't look him in
the eyes and pretend like everything is fine when he probably believed that
making love-what is for me an act of love and trust-for him is a kind of
a sin.
I just can't forget the time we had a together but now it seems like
everything was fake. I decided to continue our relationship because of other
things I love him for, but I don't know how will this work.I have a feeling
that, if we talk about it he will say that he didn't really mean that or
something alike because he is really good person and it would be hard for
him to watch me unhappy. I just can't get rid of this stupid feeling and
it seems like it's never gonna stop. We worked hard on our relationship always
solving problems together but now I don't have strength to talk to him although
I believe he suspects what's going on and I'm sure he will soon ask me about
it again. Now I avoid even kissing cause it reminds me how close we were,
and I feel like I won't be able to go on like this like there is some line
I mustn't cross. And I love him more than anything. Can you give me an
advice?
Thank you
Well, first of all, don't think that he was having
sex with you just to make you happy. If that was the case, he would still
be having sex with you. I think it was a combination of things, one sure
it did make you happy. But also, he obviously enjoyed it and he probably
really loves you. He was tempted by the pleasure and the emotional connection
and chose it over his religious beliefs. Now however, he regrets it and feels
as though he should wait until he is married. You should respect his religious
feelings and if you can wait until marriage then I see no problem. Be honest
with him and tell him how you feel. I'm sure he will show you that he still
loves you and is still compassionate towards you. Just without sex. I'm sure
everything will be just fine, good luck.
Stan
This is something that I have heard before, and
the magic cure for it is time. You have to respect what he thinks religiously.
That doesn't mean that you have to like it, you just have to understand why.
If you love him more than just physically, then this feeling of guilt and
mistrust will go away and everything will get back to normal minus the sex.
You will have an amazing closeness knowing that you could have sex, but you
are strong enough to wait till it isn't a sin. Give it time and see if you
all have the love to get through it, if not at least you know its not the
one that was meant to be.
Amy
Hi Stan & Amy I'm hoping you can help me out, I've been with my boyfriend
for about a year now, I am 19 and he is 25. We have been sleeping together
for about 4 months and it has been great but I recently found an old picture
of him with his arm round a girl and it occured to me that I didn't know
how many people he'd had sex with before me. When I asked him he was a bit
defensive and would only say "I told you ages a ago I'd had a few" and then
wouldn't answer any more questions cause he said he doesn't like talking
about his past and its all history anyway. Usually he is very open when I
ask him anything but he said its because he didn't want to hurt my feelings.
Well since that conversation 2 weeks ago I haven't mentioned it again but
the thought of him being with other girls and sharing what we share has really
been playing on my mind. Even though he didn't know me back then and he is
a fair bit older, I feel like I've been cheated on - which is ridiculous
I know. Before I'd lost my virginity to him I knew he'd had previous partners
but it didn't matter to me, I was glad for the guidance. Why am I feeling
so jealous and resentful all of a sudden? And how can I get over it? Thank
you so much for reading this, your advice always makes really good sense.
xxxxx :o)
I know it's very tough to imagine your loved one
with someone else, but it's just something you have to deal with. This is
big piece of evidence pointing to the fact that you should absolutely wait
to have sex until you know you're with the one you will be with forever.
It creates tension and hostility and resentment when you do not. But anyway,
since it's done, you have to accept it as the past. Right now, he is yours
and yours only and as long as he is faithful to you now, you should be proud
to have him all to yourself. I suspect you feel this way because you care
about him and it is human nature. Good luck and I'm sure you'll feel better
after some time. hopefully he will be more open about it in the
future.
Stan
You are feeling this way because it is natural for
people to be monogamous, and he is not to you. You have the right to know
about his sexual past, for your safety. I think that you and he should be
tested, you have been sleeping with him and don't even know how many partners
he has had. If you are going to stay with him he has to tell you this, no
matter what it is going to make you or him feel, you have to know.
Amy
I just moved to a new city and i met this guy that i work with that is
so wonderful. He gives me so many signs and mixed signals about me. Well
he acts as though hes interested but hasnt pursued ant further relations
towards me...............like a date maybe????????? How I am I suppose to
know or what signs should I look for?
BA
Well, I say if he is being very nice and appears
to be flirting then you can just assume that he is interested. There is a
very good chance that he is just not used to making that next step to asking
you out or he just doesn't know how to do it. Get to know him and make sure
he doesn't have a girl friend and I think that you should feel free to make
the next move for him. I don't think there would be anything wrong with that.
Good luck.
Stan
I think that if he is showing you signs and you
are interested, then maybe you should take the initiative and ask him out.
This is something very untraditional, but sometimes it saves you some time
of waiting for the guy to make the first move. As for what signs to look
for, well, all guys are different, and their signals are different. Some
guys even ignore women as a sign. Hope this helps.
Amy
I have liked a guy at work for about six months. At first it was okay
considering that he did not know that I liked him. He later found out and
was playing it for all it was worth. I told his friend that I was not about
to play games if that was his intention. Later in a discussion, the guy told
me that he is not interested in a relationship or "settling down" as he put
it. I then started to think of him as a friend and started to notice things
about him that make me think that I really did not even want him as a friend.
He confronted me on this and stated that he want to be friends. The transition
of liking to friendship is hard, yet it does not help when he tells my close
male friend that he might really like me. Is he just being cruel or what?
I still kind of like him but have a strong feeling that I will be the one
to really get hurt. How can I avoid this and possible be friends with him?
Yours Truly, Worried about Us
Trust your instincts on this one. You will absolutely
be the one who ends up getting hurt. He is confused and not sure what it
is that he wants or needs. Either that, or he is trying to mess with you,
either way I think that it's bad news and you should keep your distance and
look for someone else. You've said yourself you aren't really interested
in even a friendship at this point, and that's probably a good idea. Good
luck.
Stan
Just be friends with him, it really is not that
hard. If he asks you out you say no. No one can force you into a relationship.
You are a person with the ability to make your own choices. Just because
you are attracted to someone does not mean that you have to act on it.
Amy
he whats goin on? i figured i would try you guys out, i heard you are
good. anyway, i'm sure you get this sort of e-mail alot. i am in love with
one of my good friends and i was wondering what i should do to let her know,
without ruining our relationship as friends. i have known her for a while
so it seems any way i bring it up, things will be akward between us. so any
advive would be great.
First of all, it's always good to know that our
advice seems to work. Your problem is a common one, and it requires first
of all that you make a decision. Do you really love her? Or do you have a
crush on her? If you feel that you love her and that you want to spend the
rest of your life with her, then you need to take a risk and try to ask her
out. I cannot guarantee that everything with your friendship would be the
same if your relationship didn't work out, but sometimes that's a risk worth
taking. Who knows? You could regret not going for it in the future. My suggestion
on how to bring it up, is just to either ask her out as a friend or just
strike up a friendly conversation with her and be very nice to her and polite
and then just pop her the question. Ask her if she'd like to catch a movie
with you or have dinner. It shouldn't be too bad, good luck and I'm sure
you'll do just fine. : )
Stan
You heard we were good? Do we have a fan club :
) It is going to make things weird if you bring it up, but the good thing
is it will go away. I have had friends in this situation and it does make
things awkward for a while, but once that period is over then things get
back to normal. This is good because that is if she says no. If she says
yes, then you get to date your friend, and believe me there is nothing better
than having your girl or boyfriend be your best friend. I wish you luck,
and thanks for the compliment.
Amy
You guys have a pretty cool page here. See, I had sex with a guy while
I was on my period, and I was just wondering, what are the chances of getting
pregnant, and Is it healthy to do that??? Thanks.
There aren't any health risks that I know of, but
you can certainly get pregnant. Your chances may be a touch lower than normal,
but there is certainly a decent chance that you could get pregnant. Realize
that in proper conditions, sperm can live up to 72 hours. In the future,
use protection even during your period. As for health risks, again, I don't
think there are any for you, might be a tiny chance for your guy friend getting
some kind of bacteria or something, but I'm not sure about that. Good luck
and keep in touch.
Stan
It is OK to do it, but there is a chance that you
could be pregnant. When you are having your period that is when the egg is
released into the tube. Then your uterus begins to build the lining so that
a fertilized egg can live. Once the egg is not fertilized you have your period.
So, in short, yes, you can get pregnant then, that is why you should always
use protection.
Amy
GO TO THE TOP
|
