Added: September 28, 1997 Submitted by Unknown
This one seems esoteric, but when you know the background it
really isn't. Rock group Lynyrd Skynyrd had a song called "Sweet Home Alabama".
Most of the founding members died in a plane crash in the 1970s. An old roommate of mine,
a fan of singer Warren Zevon, was listening to a song of his that has the lyric
"Sweet Home Alabama/play that dead band's song". After much thought and
confusion, he asked me (and he knew full well about the Lynyrd Skynyrd incident): "do
you think that could be a reference to Lynyrd Skynyrd??" No, I think it's a reference
to "Twist and Shout", moron.
Added: September 28, 1997 Submitted by Unknown
After interrupting me to ask a fairly good question about
punctuation in a bibliography, my roommate's girlfriend goes on a tirade about the
author's name. "Nget?? What kind of name is that? Like a chicken nugget?" and
then the kicker: "WHY CAN'T PEOPLE ALL JUST HAVE AMERICAN NAMES?"
Added: September 28, 1997 Submitted by B.Marie
Destination: Jackson, California.
The stupid place in route: somewhere between Livermore and Stockton, Hwy.580 or maybe it
was 205.Okay, I didn't carefully studied the map. I thought I was lost because I couldn't
find the exit known as Hwy.120. I stopped at a local Taco Bell to ask directions.(Okay I
was thirsty, too!) The conversation was something like this: "Hi guys since you work
here I can only assume you know where we are?" "Sure, can I help you?"
"Well, I'll take a small bag of fries and a large coke with ice...and please tell me
where I am?" "You're right off the freeway 205 and 580." " Okay..now
what town I'm I in?" " A very small one, hot too!" ( I kid you not!!) Now a
voice from the back yells out.."Where do you want to go?" "Jackson,
California!" I yell back. "Never heard of it!" (This is a joke I thought!)
I'm now filling up my large coke with extra ice. "Okay, has anyone heard of
Manteca?" I said in the forum of Taco Bell. "Oh, sure, it's got the water
slides, and camping but this isn't a good day to go because there's no shade and it's very
hot" "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind".. All I could think of at this
was:Turn around and just calmly walk out the door.. don't look back! Then at last, two
young guys sitting off-duty in a both said: "Hey, I know where there's a Jackson
Indian Casino, on Hwy. 49 about 46 miles from here! "BINGO!..AT LAST.. "Great,
how do I get there?" "Well, the sign will tell you everything. It's about 15
minutes from here down through Manteca" "So do I turn on hwy. 26 in Manteca or
just stay on Yosemite Ave.?" ( I later found out it was really the same road)
"Well, I can't tell you that because I don't drive yet. I'm only 15. "I thank
them all then walked out. Ah, the Holiday Inn right next door.. "Excuse me, can you
tell me how to get to hwy. 120 from Manteca?" I asked the lady at the front desk.
"Where are you going" "Jackson!" I answered. "I don't think it's
hwy. 120. It's 123." She said. Amazed, I said "Are you sure. The map says
120?" "Well, it's must be wrong(the map), she insisted." Now by this time
I'm sweating from the 95 degree afternoon heat and growing very impatient. But I calmly
said: "Well, I guess you're right since you live here and probably know all the
directions around here. "Then with one quick break she said: "Oh, I've never
been there, I just moved here a week ago, I'm from Chicago! "Well, I stopped in
Manteca and had a cold beer at a biker bar and everyone there knew exactly where the
famous town of Jackson, California was. I was just 58 minutes from my hotel room and a
cool bath.
Added: September 28, 1997 Submitted by Kim
Last week we gave in to the cable company from hell and got
de-scramblers for all of our televisions. My wanna be a techno dude uncle was over
visiting. He picked up one of the cable channel de-scramblers and said, "Hey, if you
plug a mouse into this you could probably access the world wide web." I won't mention
his theory on plugging a mouse into the microwave and cooking things at other locations
Added: September 28, 1997 Submitted by John
I work at this resort where a lot of different people arrive.
Well, I was walking behind this blonde (go figure) and her husband and young son, and we
have a meeting room that is called Message Center 1. This lady looks into the window and
yells "Ohhhhh, Look honey!! A Massage Center!!" I completely lost it until she
finally figured it out!! She was so convinced!!
Added: September 20, 1997 Submitted by Dino
True story of an honest customer at a video store--
"This movie is in black and white, will it play on my color television?"
Added: September 20, 1997 Submitted by John
Here are a few examples of the stupid things people say or do in a fast food
restaurant that I have experienced over the years:
When asking someone if they want 'Ketchup, salt, or pepper', I've gotten
the response of 'both' and 'neither'.
When someone is ordering in drive-through, they want it to go. Don't
they like our drive-through tables or something?
When ordering, once in a while, someone will ask what the price of
something is while staring at the menu board.
Even though this is considered fun by some, ordering something that is a
product of another place (ordering Burger King food at McDonald's) makes you look real
stupid.
After close, we would laugh at the people who would sit at the
drive-through board for more than 30 seconds not realizing that all the lights are out and
no one is talking to them.
After sitting at the board for a couple of minutes (of course not
realizing the place is closed), a fellow finally pulled up to the window and sat for
another few minutes. Finally one of the crew tells him the place is closed. He asks why,
failing to notice the hours that are posted 8 inches from his head.
Leaving a mess on the table that is next to the trash can (this also
makes you look lazy and sloppy).
After being told that the place doesn't accept checks and/or isn't set
up to handle credit cards, the customer argues with the employee that the place does.
It's bad enough when someone can't read, but when a customer asks what's
in a combo meal when it's all in a picture above their head, I tend to question their
ability to have an IQ score at or above 0 when they can't read a picture.
Someone ordering from the breakfast menu at lunch (or lunch at
Breakfast), and then gives you a funny look when you tell them they can't have what they
tried to order.
Someone in drive-through who doesn't want anything to drink, but then
asks for water.
Added: September 20, 1997 Submitted by Myles
I was at a restaurant for the first time. I had to go the bathroom. So I went.
When I was done in this strange, unfamiliar bathroom I went to exit and found that the
door was locked. I panicked. I stood there pounding and yelling for someone to come and
get me out. After about ten minutes of the yelling and pounding, a kid walked in behind
me. I looked around and realized that I had been pounding on the broom- closet door for
ten minutes. I just looked at the kid at the kid like I knew what I was doing and just
walked out.
Added: September 20, 1997 Submitted by Kathy
Picture it ... American History. 8th Grade. We're discussing, oh, I don't know,
maybe World War I. Out of the blue, a girl raises her hand and asks our teacher (who, in
turn, simply stared at her like she had lobsters crawling out of her ears), "Are
there 49 states in America, or 51?" Amid the general disbelief in the room, she
explained her reason for asking: "Because if Puerto Rico is a state, then there's 51,
right? But if it's not, then I guess there are only 49. Right?"
Added: September 20, 1997 Submitted by John
I used to work in fast food, and it was always enjoyable to
get someone in drive-through ordering their food and then wanting it 'to go'. Like the
drive-through tables weren't good enough for them or something. Or when asking them if the
wanted ketchup, salt, or pepper, they would either say 'both' or 'neither'.
