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Archived reviews: Page 1
Godzilla--TriStar. Starring: A huge flippin' CGI lizard... (Oh, and Matthew Broderick) |
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Okay, if you haven't been caught up in the hoopla surrounding the film before it's release, the aftermath must've swept you away by now. I personally have been dreading the film for over three years... April 1996 I was hit with the news that Toho studios had licensed the not-so-jolly green giant to TriStar. Back then they were talking about Jan "Ya, I made Speed" DuBont to create the film. Then something happened. Two dudes blew up the White House and suddenly dollar signs lit up the TriStar execs eyes. Something with Sandra Bullock and a boat that told them they made right choice in canning DuBont and another legend was (re)born. Now the writer and director team of Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich has a trump card up their sleeve. They know how to ring the Pavlovian bell to get the salivafest rolling. Blow stuff up. Note to film makers: Destroy things. People apparently like to see that. Next thing they did was plaster every available vertical surface with a comparison chart. "His ego is the size of this toaster oven. Size Does Matter" then file injunctions against anyone using it in a parody... Like Godzilla needs to be protected from parody? The original films had their own built in parody machines... Then they gave it the trademark item that we've come to expect from these two. Trite dialogue backed by unbelievable reactions to silly circumstances. Good to see they're making a name for themselves. The one thing they did right was the big guy. The lizard is massive, fairly intelligent (for a raptor on growth hormones), and has more personality than the cast. Thank goodness 'zilla has a big chunk of the film time, which distracts you from things like the (hold on... I have to stop giggling) plot. Okay, so maybe the story line leaves a lot to be desired and the film tests suspension of disbelief almost as much as Independence Day did, but really, the lizard rocks. And if you're watching the film, it's what you came to the theater to see anyway, so you'll get what you paid for, in queens and aces, and as long as you can tune out reality you'll have a great time... The big debate is whether CGI will replace humans as actors in films, and as long as Maria Pitillo (Audrey in the film) keeps acting, I look forward to a CGI future.
Okay, here's the story. Back in yon days of yore the French bombarded a few islands in the South Pacific with nuclear weapons. All the while life on this island continued. For some odd reason, 40 years or so later there is only one 'zilla which survived and it immediately makes it's way to New York City, destroying things along the way. Oh, and the creature is 40 stories tall and likes to dig through subways proving once again that everyone has to have a hobby. There's a subplot about romance that doesn't really add anything to the film and a mayoral race dedicated to patting Siskel and Ebert on the back, but the real story is the army destroying New York with missles while the Big Dude ducks. If you see the film, it's all about the action, and these scenes are as big as the lizard. |
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas--Universal. Starring: Johnny Depp, Benicio Del Toro. |
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Fear, yes... Loathing, I felt that too. I have to say that the title is an accurate description without driving away anyone with an IQ higher than that of Cheese Whiz. To be honest, I believe "@%^& in Wide Release" would have been more appropriate, but that might have been frowned upon by test audiences. Now I know I open myself up to debate here. I mean, this is based on a "classic work of modern literature" by Hunter S. Thompson who, if you are unaware of who he is, is a reporter whose career was based on writing while wired on every available mind altering substance available. Now being that I haven't tried anything harder than caffeine I can't say I relate, but the goal here is not to create empathy for the character, rather to have the audience see the depravity to which one journalist can sink. In essence, this film tries to remain true to the book. Heaven help us all. Now to say that I left the movie feeling like two hours of my life had been sucked from my body is a credit. I mean, the first words out of my mouth when leaving the theater were "What was that?". To say it was anti-climactic is like saying "Titanic made it's money back". Serious understatement. To his credit, Johnny Depp became a caricature, making it a little easier to swallow. Had he played it straight they would have had to pass out complementary nooses at the door. Terry Gilliam's direction was really more a throwback to "Brazil" with its look and feel, but it didn't have the style to pull it off. You see, films like this can be described in two words. Tax write-off. Sometimes they need a scapegoat when the board of directors asks why the studio didn't make as much money this year. As your reviewer I recommend you wait until someone forces you to see it at gunpoint.
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Shooting Fish--Fox Searchlight. Starring: Dan Futterman, Stuart Townsend, and Kate Beckinsale. |
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When I got the pass for this film I immediately noticed the distributor, Fox Searchlight Pictures. Here's where bells and whistles and alarms go off and a huge silver robot starts blaring "Danger! Danger!". Fox Searchlight is Fox's distribution unit for Independent and Foreign films. Now, to my opinion, foreign films, and UK films in particular, have always had distinguishing marks: bad sound, scratchy cinematography, very slow pacing, extremely dry humor (if any) and those cramped little cars driving down the wrong side of the street. Call me odd, but every time I hear a wonderful review of an English film, I'm always a bit skeptical. This is where I get a tad frustrated. I like some things in my life to remain constant. This film blows the doors off of all my expectations. For the first part, it's legitimately funny. Secondly, the sound was very high quality and third, the picture was not at all grainy. They still had the cars, but after that much of a culture shock I'll let that slide. Besides, for most of the film, the only vehicle they are in is a van. This is an English film with me in mind. Here is where the story comes in. Two young boys have a dream. A dream of owning a house about the size of Buckingham Palace. One, Jez (Stuart Townsend), is a British technogeek who is as detail oriented as he is socially inept. The other is Dylan (Dan Futterman), an American con artist who moves to London to get away from the crowd... well, if you call a lot of people who want to kill him a crowd. The story starts a few years into their partnership with a con they are trying to pull to raise money for their dream home. The con is simple, go into the board room of a major computer company which is still being constructed, then invite investors in to see a hands free megacomputer which doesn't exist, and fake them into putting down a security deposit. Shooting fish... (as in "As easy as shooting fish in a barrel.") To pull this off, they need someone to type in the computer display from another room. To do this, they hire Georgie (Kate Beckinsale), a temp who is working her way through medical school, to do the typing. It doesn't take Georgie long to figure out that these two are out to take these businesspeople for a few hundred thousand, but they tell her that they are doing this to raise money for orphans. What they don't mention is that they are the orphans. After leaving the con, their laptop computer gets stolen, and these guys have the most creative paybacks I've seen in a long time.
Jez falls in love with Georgie almost immediately, but Dylan starts making the moves as he is not the shy type at all. Problem is, Georgie is engaged to Roger, a rich brat who wants a trophy wife. Besides, if Georgie finds out who "the orphans" are, everything could go up in smoke. It has con games, near misses, revenge, a love story/rivalry, Ally McBealesque fantasy sequences, a Robin Hood/Oliver Twist theme, and a parody of an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical called "Dogs" (in which 3/4 of the audience is seen sleeping)... what else could you want?
Oh, and who eventually gets the girl? Like I'd tell... |
Spice World--PolyGram. Starring: Melanie Brown, Victoria Addams, Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton, Geri Haliwell (The Spice Girls) |
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Let's see... there's Scary, Ginger, Baby, Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc, Sloth, Greed, Pride... How many were there again? Actually, I've been wanting to review this film for some time. For someone whose greatest joy comes in watching bad movies and laughing at them, I was looking at what I considered to be the promised land. Besides, the whole concept of "Girl Power" irks me. Probably because "_____ Power" seems to be the rallying cry of supremacists groups.
Trust me when I say that if you like bad films, you MUST see this at the theatres, because it loses it's base element (13 year old girls singing along with EVERYTHING (and here they have Texas accents to boot!)) and all you have left is a droll film. Imagine Rocky Horror Picture Show without the audience and plot and you can see where I'm coming from. Speaking of Rocky Horror, the resemblance doesn't stop with the blandness of the film as a solo work. Look at the cast!
Why? Well, let me run down the plot. The girls feel they are overworked and want to have fun instead of taking pictures. They have their (fictional) first concert scheduled to be at Albert Hall. (Actually, their first concert wasn't even in Europe! How did the editor miss that one?) Along the way, they dress up as each other, make public appearances, take pictures and contemplate their image. Oh... and then there are the subplots. Seven, to be precise. None of which are essential and serve only to confuse the audience. Scorecard, please?
D+. Wait for it to hit the networks. It makes Batman and Robin look like Citizen Kane. |
Titanic--Twentieth Century Fox/Paramount Pictures. Starring: Leonardo DeCaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, Bruce Paxton, Gloria Stuart |
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Okay... personal note. I can't stand Billy Zane and Leonardo DeCarpio on principle if not good reason. Really. Billy Zane had the mannequin perfect face you just want to introduce to a crowbar. DeCaprio, well, he's a different story. He's a teen idol. Think of all the teen idols you've seen in the past. With the exception of Elvis and The Beatles, most are in rehab now wondering if they'll be a movie-of-the week. The thought that both of these guys were on a boat that was going to sink, and the possibility that they were going to drown, well call me a sick puppy but that was reason enough for me to shell out the cash to see this one. Then there's the Paramount/Fox deal. This is about like making a Marvel/DC comics crossover issue. Doesn't happen often, so it's a fairly big deal. Last time this happened was when Universal and Warner Bros. collaborated on Twister. Fox paid all it was going to for the film and then they asked Paramount to climb on board. Paramount gave $60 mil towards the $200+ mil film for domestic theatrical distribution rights, Fox gets overseas and video. Let's push this out of the red and into the black people, because James Cameron's future is pretty shaky now and he's a heckuva filmmaker. Now I read the script on the internet before going... and let me tell you, I was impressed with the film before ever going to see it. Even the camera directions are in the script featuring sweeping shots and majestic descriptions. James Cameron, the writer/director describes elements such as a five dollar tip which was considered a king's ransom in those days, which is something glossed over in the actual film. Other items read well on paper but on film they take on a much bigger dimension. Cameron describes the film not as a tragedy but a love story with a tragedy as a backdrop. If that's hard to grasp, visualize "The Making of 'Ishtar'". The story is told in flashback by Rose Calvert (Gloria Stuart), an elderly woman, survivor of the Titanic, whose picture is found by treasure hunters trying to find a diamond she is wearing in a drawing. She is full of life in her old age, and you just want to hug her. She's great here, and hopefully we'll see her again in other flicks. Anyway, she starts telling her story and in flashback, the main characters begin creeping out of the past. From the word "Go", Billy Zane becomes Cal, the rich, evil stepchild/spoiled brat you want to thwack with a wet towel. There are scenes where you can actually feel yourself saying "I want something REALLY BAD to happen to you... quickly". DeCaprio is charming as Jack, the third class passenger with the top notch attitude. Rose (Kate Winslet) is the trapped girl who wants to break out of the mold she's been squeezed into by her status. She wants to live a free life but is restrained by her etiquette and fiancee, the evil Zanedude. Let me tell you how it ends. The ship sinks. Okay. Now that may be the only time I'll do that in a film review, so savor the flavor... The key thing is, you know from the beginning of the film Rose survives, otherwise explain how she's telling the story. (Talk about an unrecoverable plot hole... ) The key to the storytelling here is the suspense. The ship is going to sink. You know this. Rose lives, but who else does? You find this question haunting you as you watch the film, and with Hitchcockesque suspense you find yourself trying to find clues to the end. It grabs you and sucks you in from the start, and over three hours later you leave feeling like you've only been there for about two hours. Truly an amazing feat. There's a bit more nudity than was really required, and even I wasn't prepared for the impact of the dead bodies in the water, but it was all a part of the excellent impact of the story. The substories of class struggle, and how money can't buy happiness, the depths of cowardice and civility... it's all there, and it's all stunning.
If I were to choose the contenders for the awards, we're looking at the biggie here. Heck, the movie was nominated for eight Golden Globe awards before it's release. Top that... Here's the problem, though. Leo DeCaprio was good. So good he may walk off with awards this time. Loose translation, the teen idol is going to be on half a million magazine covers again and may even keep making films... If this keeps up, he'll never meet the members of New Kids on the Block at the Betty Ford clinic. Too bad.
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