Who doesn't want to hear more about those unlovable scamps who torment my life so?

More of the Rogue's Gallery!

Comb-over: He's koo-ku for Thorazine Puffs!  Why, that full head of hair couldn't possible be a comb over, could it?  He comes in the store and plays everyone's favorite game: Food Stamp Frenzy!  He normally buys a juice with his Access card.  He is so paranoid that he has taped over his name on the front of the card.  (But he didn't tape over his signature, so he plan is foiled!  Muw, ha, ha, ha, ha!)  He also leans over and covers up the keypad when he enters his pin number, because we want to steal all of the nickels he has.

Agents of V.A.G.R.A.N.T. (the Violent, Anti-social, Grimy Regiment for Anarchy, Nihilism and Terror):

Bag Man: Yet again, someone else who confuses a store magazine rack for a library.  "I'm just waiting until 5:00 AM for my bus."  Then why did you wait untill 3:00 AM after the busses stop to try to catch one?  I had frightened him away of my store for awhile and thought that I finally was rid of him.  But much to my chagrin, he has returned.  He is what we like to call clinically loopy.

Dirtball: I've been saving this one for months.  How can words even describe this guy?  He's been pestering me for probably two years now.  He likes to prattle on about the scores of women that he has slept with, but his queer exploits have been almost mythological.  He used to live with the infamous Hot Pants, (See About Septy May 1998) but Hot Pants got carted off to the loony bin again, so Dirtball is out on the streets once more.  Legend has it that he filated a guy for a pair of boots that he has to this very day.  He hangs out at the local coffee shop, selling drugs and being ridiculed by all who pass by.

Jim Moron-son:  He's not dead folks!  He hangs out around the local coffee shop playing his guitar for change.  He butchers music from the Doors in a way that only a homeless alcoholic can.

Madame Jake:  Just like Supergirl has powers different from her namesake Superman, Madame Jake has differnt abilities from Shaky Jake.  She came into my store a few weeks ago, demonstrating an array of dazzlingly annoying abilities.  Although she doesn't urinate on everything, she does try to play for pity, and tries to come off that she is crazier than she actually is.  (Why would you want people to think that you are certifiable?  OK, she is nutty, but I've seen nuttier.)  When I finally got annoyed enough to kick her out, she started acting offended, and yelled at me.  I eventually had to call the police.  The officers who responded are now on my Christmas gift list.

Hawk: Oh no, not the cool Hawk from Spencer for Hire, just a dirty street guy.  Why do these people think that I care?!?  He came in the night before I wrote this, and introduced himself and proceeded to tell me his life story.  His wife left him and he's homeless, and he panhandling.  That's nice.  Go away.