Who wouldn't want to know more about the Amazing Septimus?  Obviously not you.  Here is an opportunity to learn a little more what I do.

    When I'm at work, I am bothered for hours on end by all sorts of strange and annoying people.  There are crazy people, drunken frat boys, vagrants, rednecks, strumpets, morons, and assorted other nutty people.  They give me money, I give them overpriced stuff, that's what I'm (barely) paid for.  So how do I entertain myself while all of these customers traipse around my place?  I have three game shows (that I'd eventually pitch to the networks) that I play with our customers as contestants.

    In "What's my damage?" we learn just how bizarre some people really are.  Typical contestants are like Hot Pants, the Petroleum Jelly Bandit, most drunken frat boys, and Halitor- Master of bad breath.  They're nutkins, but not quite loony.  The answers generally range from too stupid for words, to lack of grasp on reality, to unattractive and no chance of sex.

    The second game, "What am I hopped up on?" we guess what drugs our contestants are taking.  It's normally booze or pot, but we also get heroine, LSD, mushrooms, and crack!  I love my job.

    In the last, and most popular game, "Name that Psychosis!" our insane contestants come in and show us who is the king or queen of the crazies.  With contestants like Straw-Boy, the Snotty trio, Hand Job, the Watcher, Mary Thorazine, and Biggie Bronx, the fun just doesn't stop.

    Then there are contestants like Shaky Jake, who is the hat trick of annoyance, he is a contestant on all three of the game shows.  He's emotionally unbalanced, a drunk, and crazy as well.  Quite an accomplishment for a dirty old bum.