(Warning!!!  Just like anything else that I write on this page, this is all a big joke.  I don't want people to actually think that I would do this if I took over the world.  Although most of this stuff is a good idea.)

    In 2004, after being forced to watch The Facts of Life: the Movie, I will finally be pushed to the point that I decide to take over the world.  Using a specially created form of cheap beer, I will gather an army of even more mind-numbed Frat Boys.  Then I will bribe then Surgeon General Dr. Ruth Westhimer to tell heterosexual women that oral sex is harmful and will cause weight gain.  Heterosexual men will run around in horny confusion, and that is when I will usurp power.  I will then have the power to stop all of the other horrific predictions that I have made, including the Earth falling into the Sun because of the "Puffy Combes" Saga movie.  Humanity will be ushered into a golden age of peace and prosperity that has never been seen in all of recorded history.

How Life Will Be Better After I Achieve World Domination!

Chapter 1

    Movies and Television will be improved dramatically after I kick out all of the bums that are lousing up the media.

Movies:
    All copies of Ishtar, Leonard Part Six, The Shadow, every Police Academy sequel, and any movie with Pamela Anderson in it will be rounded up and burnt.  The collective IQ will immediately increase by about 25 points.  The writers and other people involved with these disasters will also be rounded up and rehabilitated, they will produce hygiene films for elementary schools.
    In dramatic fashion the final installment of the "Earnest" movies will be created.  Earnest Goes to Hell will be a comedy about Earnest dying and burning in the darkest pits of Hell for tormenting so many people with such an asinine character.  The film will win critical acclaim for its special "Torture-vision" feature, and several Oscars as well.  Another movie that gets made is Roger Ebert's Great Pudding Adventure.  I just won't have the heart to keep him from achieving his greatest dream, and will be quite successful on the film festival circuits.

Television:
    Television will become a tool of efficiency in the future.  Many new game shows will cross the airwaves.  First off is revenge for every Catholic school student, The Frying Nun.  Problem nuns will be locked into metal habits, and their recovering students will get to super heat them with blow torches.  Next is capitol punishment taken to the next level: Catapult of Justice!  Criminals will be loaded up on a catapult, and contestants will try to fling them onto a big spiky bulls eye.
    Most importantly is Outrun the Reaper.  Contestants will be tossed into an enclosed track.  When they get in, they have seconds to start running, 'cause that's when the Reaper starts up.  A giant combine will start chasing them, while playing the song "Yackety Sax" from Benny Hill.  As each person got reaped, their family members could wager for cash or prizes, and the reaper would speed up too.  The show would end when the contestants got to the end of the track, and faced the choice, get thrashes by the combine, or jump into a big fiery pit.  My agents will scour different homeless shelters to find the cast of Friends to be the first contestants for the show.

    Next month I'll continue with more ways that I'll improve humanity, including compulsory service in my giant harem.