OK loyal Septi-Page fans, let me be honest with you.  Even my psychic powers have their limits.  Peering so far into the future is starting to strain even my vast and great psychic abilities.  To help alleviate this problem, instead of gazing years through the murky depths of time, I'll only gaze a month ahead.  So sit back and relax while you read this first ever...

Septi-Verse Soap Opera Preview!

    What will happen on your favorite soap next month?  What will the characters do?  Who will the characters do?  Well wonder no more, faithful reader, for all will be reviled.

On Generally Unwatchable:  Much to her surprise Liz finds out from a paternity test that her son Dominicus is actually hers, even though she switched him at birth with Cissy's son, because Cissy unwittingly switched them back in an attempt to blackmail Dr. Rodgers into bed.

On The Unoccupied Days of our Wives:  Vladimir calls the Devil to posses Stephanie, but the Devil actually possesses her clone's twin.  Megan gets plastic surgery to look like Delilah so she can trick Spencer into bed, but Spencer had plastic surgery to look like Zack so that he could inherit the Ozwald foam rubber finger fortune.

On The Bald and the Plastically Enhanced:  Edgar sleeps with Cara, who he thinks is his daughter, not knowing that Madiline switched her at birth with Tina, both of whom he is sleeping with as well.  Malcom is given five minutes of screen time this week as the token minority character, and is involved in a patronizing, contrived scenario.

On Nine Lives to Live:  Fluffy has the litter, but they turn out to be tabbies like Streaky, but siamese like Buttons.  Patches catches the mouse that has been in his apartment, but it turns out to be the reincarnation of his lost love Tiger.  Pepper's new personality finally emerges, and it turns out to be a dog named Rover.

On All My Clichés:  The evil older woman comes up with a scheme to ruin the life of her wealthy ex-husband.  The attractive  younger female socialite with the massive boob job has an affair with the rough street tough with the heart of gold.  The well-meaning doctor tells the recent victim of a tragic accident that she has amnesia and my never regain her memory, but she gets it back the next episode.