You heard it here first.  In my July Glimpse into the Future, I mentioned a movie being made by the name of Jack Frost.  At that point, I thought that it was a movie about Keanu Reeves as a gardener, but little did I know that it was more terrifying than that.  The movie actually stars Michael Keaton as a dead dad turned snowman.  (Rip off Ghost Dad a little more please.)  I knew that it wouldn't be pretty, but it boggled even my precognition.  Like I said, the future isn't a pretty place to be.  And neither is a Star Trek convention.  On with the predictions.

    (Warning!!  Just like everything else on this page, this is all a joke.  I don't need the feds thinking that I'm a militia group intending to topple the government.)

    In 2004, after being trapped and forced to watch the new amalgamated movie, Inspector Gidget, I will finally be pushed to the point that I decide to take over the world.  Using state-of-the-art technology, I will create a new breed of Furbys.  The new brand of furbish that they will speak will contain a hypnotic suggestion bending children to my will, then they will pester their parents until I am named supreme ruler of the world.  I will then have the power to stop all of the other horrific predictions that I have made, including the Earth falling into the Sun because of the "Puffy Combes" Saga movie.  Humanity will be ushered into a golden age of peace and prosperity that has never been seen in all of recorded history.

How Life Will Be Better After I Achieve World Domination!

Chapter 3

    Family life will be vastly improved after I regulate child care.

License to Breed:
    There are too damn many people on the planet already, just wait to see how many people will be around in 5 years.  The problem is that all of those darn heterosexuals having kids.  Heterosexual sex not only the major cause of overpopulation, but it is also a contributing factor to screaming children on airplanes, smelly diapers, "baby on board" signs, and malls teeming with baby buggies.  Along with this, when children are improperly raised, they can become serial killers, drug dealers, accountants, guests on Jerry Springer, and members of the Backstreet Boys.

    Let's face it, most people can't be trusted with a house plant, let alone a sentient being.  If you can't depend on someone to water a cactus monthly, why would you trust the same moron to be responsible for the care, feeding, and development of a child who could possibly be a leader of the free world?

    So what should we do about it?  First, people will have to be fixed; nothing permanent, something that can be reversed later on.  Second, as young adults (around the age of 21 - 25, no one under 23 should have children) if they wish to have children will have to take child care courses.  If the potential parents can complete the class, then they will be issued the license to breed, then will be un-fixed so they can propagate the species.  This will help society because not only will the world be less crowded, it will be easier to feed everyone, and yuppies won't be having any more children!

    Next month I'll continue by revealing how I will bedevil the rich by turning their poodles against them.