"The Back"

    There is a magical place, where everything that you could possibly desire is kept in copious quantities.  That place is called "the Back".  All that stands between you and this wondrous paradise are the evil clerks who are too lazy to go there to get the stuff that you want.

    When you go into a store and look for something, the evil clerks will try to prevent your potential happiness by keeping you from your heart's desire.

    Once upon a time, we had no room for two liter sodas in our cooler.  People would go back to our cooler and look, then come to the front of the store and ask if we had cold two liter bottles of soda in back.  We would ask, "Do you see cold two liter bottles of soda?"  and they of course respond that they did not.  They would leave the store grumbling that we were just hiding it from them.

    Now, it is plausible that we could have had soda in the back, because we carry two liter sodas.  On another occasion, someone came in and looked in the chip isle.  He came up to the front of the store and asked if we had a specific brand of chips.  I told him that we did, in fact, not carry that brand of chips.  The next thing to escape his lips was," Well, do you have them in back?"  I asked "If we had them, why wouldn't we put them up front?"  He left the store pondering on of the great conundrums of the universe.

    Everyone knows that all stores, especially small convenience stores have an infinite storage capacity.  So what should you do if you go into a store and they don't have what you want sitting out on the shelves?  Kick up a fuss and complain until they get what you want.  No matter what, don't let up on the paranoia.  They hide the stuff you want in an attempt to persecute you.  It is a vast convenience store conspiracy targeted at you, yes you.