Just when I thought that I wouldn't have a True Tale of Stupidity this month, someone comes along an reaffirms my belief in the moronicy of humanity.  I was originally intending to write a more rules to live by, but someone actually did something amusing enough to document on the web page.

Garbage Pickin' Duo

    I was cleaning the hellhole, when I looked outside to see all of the happy people walk by, and listfully wish for my freedom from wage-slavery.  I saw the Guardian Lunatic bobbing up and down through the window suspiciously.  Feeling a wave of annoyance wash over me, I decided to go out and take a look to see what insanity awaited me for the night.  I opened the door, and saw one of the local vagrants sticking out of the garbage can.  He pulled himself out of the garbage, and I looked at him as if he were crazy.  (Because he is)  I went back into the store and resumed my cleaning enjoyment, when he came in and asked for napkins.  I asked him if they were because he was playing in the garbage, he didn't respond and took some napkins.  That would have been fine with me, but unfortunately, he didn't just go away.  Nope, head first, right back into the garbage.  So my friend 'Rico (AKA Abrasor: most abrasive human alive.) and I went outside, and I very politely asked them if they could "Take it down the street."

    Now the Guardian Lunatic was OK with it, but the Trash Pickin' Wonder had a fit.  He told me to f*** off, and to f*** my self, (note the lack originality in his banter.)  The Guardian Lunatic tried to smooth things over buy picking up some of the garbage that they dropped, but the Trash Pickin' Wonder would not abate.  He screamed and yelled, so I told him that he didn't need to come back to the store.  He told me that he was going to boycott.

    'Rico said, "Oh no.  Not a boycott.  You won't be buying the usual nothing."

    I begged him, "Please, please don't boycott!  We'll go out of business if you don't patronize us!  Please come back!"

    He said "If you ever come into my restaurant, I'll poison you."

    At that point, Bastard-Man possessed my soul, "Ex-f***ing-scuse me, but what sh**-hole of a restaurant would have you as an employee?  What puke-bucket place would let your trash-picking a** work there?  Please tell me."  I paused for a second.  "I really have to see this place."  He muttered something and toddled down the street as I continued to berate him from afar.

    So I guess that the moral of the story is that pickers should not be choosers.  That or that if you're going to dig into a trash can, maybe you should crawl the rest of the way in.