More True Tales of Stupidity!

Only one true tale of stupidity this month folks. I heard this one on the news.

HOOVER HUMPER HACKS HIMSELF HORRIBLY!

In New Jersey a few weeks ago, a man called the police and said that he was assaulted. The story that he gave them was that someone broke into his home while he slept, and cut off part of his penis. It didn't take the wisdom of Solomon to see through his story, and he then told the truth. He was using his vacuum for an elicit purpose, but did not know about the small blade that resides in the tube. When he started performing the love which you dare not plug in, he chopped himself something horrible.
Needless to say, this is probably not what Hoover had in mind when he invented the vacuum, and as a public service to those thinking about that different kind of lovin', here's a little song to steer you in a different direction. (Sung to the tune of "Be Our Guest" from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. It loses a little something without the orchestra though...)

Feel Our Breasts. Feel our breast, feel our breasts, on a rubber woman's chest. Yes they're plastic, they're fantastic! It's a doll you can molests. Rubber sheep, for real cheap, we guarantee that they won't seep. Our ball gags work so well you can't protest! So buy a rubber maid, because you can't get laid Feel our breasts, feel our breasts, Come on down and feel our breasts! More stupidity to come!