What would Christmas be without all of the advertisements?
Enjoyable, tolerable, not a commercial bonanza- but that's besides the
point. The Septi-Verse is brought to you by the letters "F" and "U"
and these fine sponsors.
Syphilis, herpes, warts, chlamydia,
gonorrhea, hepatitis, crabs, vaginitis
Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all- STD's!
Catch all of the Sexually Transmitted Diseases!
Visit your local whore today.
You hear people talking about a satellite dish and
think how much better it is than cable, until you add it up. All
of your TV's have to watch the same channel unless you pay extra, and you
can't even watch local channels! Another great thing about cable
is the frequent outages. Just think how much more reading you and
your kids can get done when your cable goes out at least twice a week,
and up to four time a week in rural areas. And selection!
With a satellite dish, you can have two or three times as many channels,
you'll never figure out what you want to watch. But not with cable,
the limited selection makes it easy to pick the infommercials you want
to see, and most of the time, all of the channels are playing the same
ones. And don't forget the cost. Satellite dishes can be bought
from any number of companies driving prices for services down, whereas
you only have one cable monopoly in the area, allowing them to charge as
much as they need to buy up even more small companies. And that's
why when you ask me if I want a dish I say, "Satellite dish?
No thanks, I'll keep my cable!"
Cable Television, it's a better Monopoly.
Paid for by the "Telecommunications Monopolies for Telecommunications
Monopolies Foundation".
First American Mortgage Rip-Off Financing asks the question, "Are you receiving a monthly payment?" Lottery winnings, inheritances, insurance settlements, mob pay-offs? Would you like a lump sum of cash instead? At First American Mortgage Rip-Off Financing we specialize in clients who are incapable of sticking to a budget. Let us buy out your monthly payment and give you a small fraction of what it's worth. And when you let us buy out your payments, you will be pre-qualified for a 50% interest mortgage on your house when you spend all of the money that we gave you.
Our famous sports figure spokesman urges you, "Let us buy out your payments so you can consume more, you feeble minded dolt! I'm famous, do as I say!"
At First American Mortgage Rip-Off Financing
we always say, "The Future Belongs to Us When we Foreclose on Yours!"