Six months of bitching, moaning, and complaining-  and we wouldn't have it any other way.  This month I'm going to add something new: the annoy-o-index!  This is the stuff that is bothering me, but not quite enough to work me up into a good rant.  So what does Septy think is stupid this month?

Annoy-O-Index!

Gen Y Scream Flicks:  Scream 2, H2O, Disturbing Behavior, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legend.  New old films out this summer.  I know what you did last summer, you made a really crappy, uninteresting film.  Here's an urban legend for you, once upon a time someone wrote a trite piece about someone making horror stories come true, and it was nothing like the hundreds of other horror movies that it ripped off, the end.  Damn it!  Can't someone come up with an original idea?  I know, I'm asking for too much from the movie industry, the same people who thought that Last Action Hero was a good idea.

Sean "Puffy" Combes:  "Look everyone!  I'm dragging Notorious D.O.A's corpse around behind me.  I think I'll but him in another video!"  It's like Weekend at Berine's, but it just won't end!  His whole talentless career is built upon the foundation of a dead guy.  And please, either put on a shirt or go to the gym, you skinny thing.  It's amazing that he's actually deluded people into thinking that he is an actor, he's in an upcoming Oliver Stone movie about baseball.  But the good news is that old Ollie may kick old Puffy off of the project because he refuses to show up on time.  Does anyone know what minute of fame this guy's on?

The President's Sex Life:  Just because I'm not getting any doesn't mean that I care if anyone else is.  How many months now have we been bombarded by the media.  (How I hate saying "the media".  I feel like a right wing conspiracy freak.)  Wow, she's a human humidor.  My life's enriched.  Why does it seem that all of the people who buy newspapers in the mornings are tired of the "scandal"?  Probably because they are.  And I'm sick of it too, and I'm sick of putting it on my web page.  And I'm really sick of having to defend this guy's right to privacy.  For as much as he has screwed the gay and lesbian community over, I hate having to defend him.  He hasn't done anything that hasn't been done since the beginning of time.  Deal, and let's move on with our lives.

The Media:  As I just said: move on!  Move on move on!  Find a new topic to beat to death

Swing Music:  You know that it was someone at Mtv or some big music studio that said, "Hey, let's bring back swing music.  They buy Hootie and the Blowfish, those sheep will listen to anything."  Third-rate bands remaking music that talented bands made decades ago.  You know who I really blame for this?  The Mighty Morphin' Bostones.  They were the first band in recent memory to use a horn section in their music.  So as a result, we have to suffer until a corporate brainiac can figure out the next hot trend to stuff down our throats.  And may I give the "Reel Big Fish" a dishonorable mention while I'm talking about it.  Go away!

The Weather Channel:  "Hmm.  I wonder what the weather's going to be like today.  Will it rain?  I'll check the weather channel."  Maybe in four or five hours you'll get to see the local forecast.  But first, here's the weather in Europe, Canada, South America, Siberia, Antarctica, and Alpha Centauri.  And here's some pictures from the hurricane that's destroying some southern state.  Look at that rain.  No more than two feet of visibility.  It's not like the people where that weather is effecting can really stop fleeing for their lives to catch the devastation on TV.  Would it be too damn hard to put the local forecast on a scrolling bar at the bottom of the screen?  Oh wait, that would be practical.

Slim Jim Commercials:  What is this "Eat Me!" crap that they are trying to pass of as an advertisement?  I vow to not eat another Slim Jim until they bring back the Macho Man!  (Big threat of that.)  "Art thou bored?"  Yes we are!

The Sea of Abercrombe.

    With my thanks to Stan for naming this dreaded phenomenon.

    So last month my friends and I went to the local fetish ball and had a pretty good time there.  Some interesting stuff, I got a new leather collar, but not quite as amusing as I expected.  This is Pittsburgh, we have to make little steps toward coolness.  So when we left, we decided to get something to eat.  There was only once choice.  There is a diner in Shadeyside that used to be the mecca of all of the cool and strange people in this crap-ass town after 3:00AM.  Note, I said "used to be".  When we got there, we found that it was awash in the "Sea of Abercrombe".  You know what they look like.  Whether it's Tommy Hillfiger, DKNY, Polo, L.L. Bean, or whatever else, they are in the clothes that are popular that minute.  And don't think that they will be in them one minute longer than it is fashionable.  Nope when one fashion trend is over, it's onto the next one.

    We stood at the door waiting to be seated, yes it was crowded, but there were some seats.  The guy who ran the place looked at us and rolled his eyes.  He pretended to be busy so he could ignore us, but other people started to come in to the door behind us.  People who had the proper look to pass the dress code to get in his greasy little spoon.  So we got fed up and left.  It is a shame, another decent place taken over by the phalanx of imbeciles.

    This is only the tip of the iceberg.  Why does there seem to be such a huge number of people who feel the need to have absolutely no individuality?  When did so many followers crop up in this nation of supposed free thinkers?  Why do so many people feel the need to cater to these morons?  Sure they will give you money in the short run, but how long do you think it will be before you are passé?  So why don't you piss off your regular clientele who stuck with you through thick and thin.  Sounds like good business to me.

    This conformity thing is really pissing me off.  It's nice to have an independent thought.  I really ought to promote the idea of them jumping off of bridges to see if the others would too.  For years these people have bothered me, and I've had many names for them: the phalanx of imbeciles, bell curve bottomfeeders, the parade of human flotsam, the deluge of half-wits; but the Sea of Abercrombe seems very fitting.  It reflects their temporary and fickle nature.

    So what did I accomplish here.  Absolutely nothing.  But hopefully it inspired someone to think and try to break out of the "norm", even for just a few seconds.  Yup, I always see the glass as half full.