This is the part of my web page that I set aside for my misanthropic diatribes.  Whatever is annoying me at any given moment is fair game for a tirade: news, people, television, nothing is beyond MY ability to complain. (It's my special talent.)

    For example of a little tirade, I find the phrase, "money can't buy happiness" quite amusing.  I sure know that poverty can't buy happiness.  In fact, I challenge any billionaire out there to give me $10 million, and I will prove that money can in fact buy happiness.  (Note: this is a clever scheme on my part to retire early.  Shhh...)

VIAGRA FALLS
    Awww.  How sad I feel for all of the middle-aged men who can't get it up if they don't pay $10 a pill per shot.  (Literally!)  Maybe they like the feeling of getting screwed better.  How long have people with cancer, HIV, heart disease, and who knows how many other afflictions had to bend over and take it so the pharmaceutical companies could get rich at their expense.  Perhaps some of those people who aren't (yeah right) taking this magical pick (or is it "get") me up in Congress can finally reign the price gouging at the expense of sick people.  And I know that there is at least one person out there who is whining, "But HIV is punishment from God.  You can't compare that to impotence."  Any man who's taking Viagra probably isn't going to be having kids, and sex that isn't procreative is sodomy.  And we all know how bad that is. Lord knows how the Christian right likes to bitch about those damn sodomites, but truth be told, how many of them are sodomites as well?  You tell me that none of them have actually had oral sex?  (O.K., with some of them it is believable...)  Guess what, if so they're going to hell just as quick.  But I digress.
    But what I find amusing is that the first Viagra induced relationship break up has already occurred in New Jersey.  (Of course it had to be in Jersey.)  Some old dude started feeling his oats again, and left his squeeze for a younger woman.  It's nice to know that even "older, wiser" folk can be just as big of pigs as those decades their junior.
    Impotence is not good, and I am not making fun of those suffering from it, eventually every male does.  But hopefully this new drug will show the "haves" what the "have nots" have been going through for years.  Uncooperative insurance companies, greedy drug makers, it isn't fun to be sick.  Unfortunately, the people who can best benefit from this lesson are too rich to truly care.

RIGHT TO PARTY?
    Recently college students all over the nation have been complaining, rioting, and generally demonstrating just how stupid and immature they are because they aren't allowed to drink as much as the want.  A new pan-collegiate group named the "Right to Party" have been kicking up a fuss because some universities have been trying to curb binge drinking by their students.  The students claim that since they pay to be in college, that they should be able to drink, even if they are under 21.  Silly me, but since their parents are paying for college, they should be able to study and get good grades.  (But I'm silly.  I have a degree and a crappy job, so maybe if you get bad grades you can get a good job.)
    It only makes sense that if you feel that you are mature enough to drink, you should demonstrate by setting fires in the middle of the street and throwing rocks at the police.  And the really good part is that after some of the riots, the universities (more than likely from pressure from the rich parents) caved in and told the police to back off at some colleges.
  As a public service to all of the faithful Septi-readers out there in internet land, I've put together a little compare and contrast between the beer riots and the riots in Indonesia.

NUCLEAR WEAPONS
    Both India and Pakistan have the bomb now.  I, for one am glad.  I was getting too used to feeling safe that the world wasn't going to sucked into an atomic Armageddon.  As the governments of these two countries play who has the bigger penis, they tend to forget that they're supposed to protect their people, not consume them in a fiery Holocaust.  But that would make sense.  Several days after the underground explosion was set off in India, many people in the areas near the test facility went to hospitals complaining of nose bleeds and other symptoms that seem oddly similar to ones signaling radiation poisoning.  In the coming months and years, the horror from unbottling the nuclear genie.  Genetic mutation, birth defects, and cancer.  Maybe they could open a theme park, Gamma World!
    The really fun part of it all is that now that both countries have nuclear capabilities, that those technologies can be sold to the highest bidder if the world governments don't continue to give them money: plutonium extortion.  Pay up or maybe some terrorist country will.  You know this tirade didn't turn out all that funny, but I guess some of them shouldn't.

SO LONG, WHINE-FELD
    What is the deal with over-rated comedians who have over-rated sit-coms?  I mean do people actually watch these shoes and laugh?  There's that guy with power tools who is all hopped up.  There's that chubby chick who was funny when the show first started.  There's that redneck with the show about redneck.  And there's that show about all of those whiney people who sit around do nothing.  Why do people watch these shows?  Who are these people?  (Now reread this paragraph, and add a whiney Sienfeld impersonation to it.)
    I did not watch the series finally of Sienfeld.  I do not like that show.  I have seen several episodes, and they sucked.  It was a show about nothing intelligent. But the bad news is that it's not any worse than any of the other rancid sit-coms on television.  Why is it that there only seem to be black shows and white shows?  That dumb, dumb, mind-numbingly dumb Friends show is set in New York, yet there only seem to be white people on it.  And would it really hurt to put some Native Americans and Asians and Middle Eastern people on a sit-com?  Actually, looking into the future, (see the Glimpse into the Future section to see more of my predictions.)  The most popular show on television next year at the end of the season will be called Annoying Neurotic Straight White Single People.  It will test well with the drunk college student demographic, as well as the middle-aged trying-to-act-younger-that-they-actually-are demographic as well.
    So what is my fare-well to Sienfeld: "GO AWAY AND DON'T COME BACK!"