Before I start off this month's complaints, I have a question for all of you in internet land.  Why aren't people bathing anymore?  A punk rock girl came into my store the other day, and she stank like she rolled around in garbage.  And it wasn't a lack of money, she pulled out a roll of twenties.  There are three rivers in this town, take some soap, pick one, and jump in!

BLUDGEONING THE ROYAL CORPSE

    Diana is dead, I know let's beat her memory to death too!  The Princess of Wales's brother has opened up the estate on which her grave is located.  Now thousands of people a day can go on the estate and gawk at the island she is buried on.  There is also word that her brother is showing movies made of Diana on the estate for all of the nosey people to watch too.  Yup, you know that Diana would love this.  The person who probably valued privacy more than anyone else on the planet has had her eternal resting place has been turned into a sideshow.  Maybe they'll make Diana-Land.  They can have women dressed in Diana costumes, thrill rides, cotton candy, and daily musical performances.  Or how about Diana Park! They can take DNA samples, and clone her!  You know this is sad that in death that she can't attain the privacy that she so desired in life.

RELIGIOUS RIGHT?

    It must be an election year.  The loony right-wing front has started their queer-bashing antics yet again. Trent Lot compared homosexuality to alcoholism.  (Do you know how many car accidents that being queer and driving has caused?)  Pat Robertson says that gay pride flags have caused the fires that are burning down the forests.  (I propose that they build a bunch of trailer parks next to the forest fires to get some tornados going to fight the flames.)  Yes, those wacky bigots to the right are acting up again, and they aren't going to be happy until people are dead.

    I have no problem with religion.  I only have problems with people who feel the need to try to convert the rest of the world to their way of thinking.  Then there are people who feel the need to go to church on Sunday, then forget about it the rest of the week.  ("I'll go to church to hedge my bets if there is a god."  Yeah, as if you're going to fool an omnipotent being.)  And then there are the people who don't bother to think about their faith; what the bible says is word, everyone is wrong if they disagree with it, even science.

    "Homosexuality is a sin,  The bible says so."  People also used the bible to justify slavery, and I'd love to see someone to try that today.  The bible also suggests that we stone adulterers, although I'm sure some of those wacky right-wingers would agree with that statement.  It's a shame that there are people out there who have absolutely nothing better to do that to go on out and deny people human rights because of a book that says that the world was created in 6 days, and that women were created from men.  I'm not going to debate faith, it's personal.  I've never tried to stop anyone from believing in a god or gods or whatnot, but all I ask in return is that you don't try to make me believe in god or gods or whatnot.  The right wing uses language that is eerily similar to the propaganda that the Nazis used against the Jews in Germany.  "It's the evil others that are corrupting our society."  "They're richer than the rest of us, they're taking our money."  "Those heathens don't believe in our one true God."  These are phrases used by the Nazis and current right wing zealots.  Learn to look through the hate and lies and intolerance.

NEW ON MTV: MORE CRAP!

    Who out there in computer land has seen the new moron on Mtv by the name of Jessy?  My God he SUCKS!  For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching this juggernaut of annoyance, let me clue you in.  He's a prep school kid who dresses like a bad thrift store mannequin, definitely what I'd call homeless chic.  He acts (?) like a heroine shooting burnt out spaz, he sounds like he's trying to pull off a bad Tazmanian Devil impersonation, you can tell that the people on Mtv don't want anything to do with him.  It's amazing that an annoying person like this is on the air, I'd rather watch Jenny McCarthy than this twit.

    I'll admit to watching the Real World.  It's not the greatest show, but it's interesting, especially why people would want their entire lives taped for several months.  I've caught a few Lovelines it's not all that bad, although I wonder how many callers are actually better off for talking to them?  One of my favorite shows on the planet, Daria, is also on Mtv.  She's sarcastic and cranky, just my kind of person.  But then there's Jessy.

    I never in my life expected to say the following words: Pauly Shore is a talented human being.  Yes, I would rather watch a Pauly Shore film than this talentless Jessy fellow.  I figure that he must be the child of someone important to still have a job after spedding around the TV for as long as he has been.   For all of these offenses and more, I award Jessy with the first ever "Golden Beatdown Award".  If he want's to receive his prize, just come to Pittsburgh, I'm sure we can make an arrangement.

IS ALLY McBEAL A FEMINIST?
 
     Someone asked me, "Do you think that Aley McBeal is a feminist?" in response to a recent article in Time magazine.

    My response was, "Well, I guess so.  If you consider a feminist a whiny, pouty, twenty something, who can't keep her social life straight, can barely keep ahead of her job, and is incapable of living without a man to molest.  Yeah, she's everything that a woman should be."

    It's a shame that "girl power" is more important than "woman power".  Now supermodels talk about being feminists.  Look at the topics in the most popular female magazines: how to get a man, how to keep a man, how to have a better butt to get a man, how to please a man, how to get a man to give you an orgasm.  The women's movement used to be about issues and philosophy, but is now about style and celebrity.  Demi is a strong woman and actress, but why does she have to be nearly naked in every movie that she's in?

    Aley McBeal is a feminist, but a man's feminist.  She's a chick with a job, but she needs a man to make her happy.  She's a ditzy female who is good looking, everything that the "typical" man wants.  (But what is typical?)  Her biological clock is ticking away, and boy I'd like to abort the dancing baby.  Self reliance?  What's that?  Women without men are spinsters or bitter and frigid or, heaven forbid, a lesbian.  It's like a female can't exist unless she has a penis justifying her existence.  Modern feminism is now a haven for all of the behavior that old feminism raged against.

    "Is there a need for feminism?"  Does sexual harassment still exist?  Do men still make more than women?  Golly, I guess that there still is a need for feminism.  Shame there aren't many true feminists to keep on fighting.