It's big excitement at the Septi-verse, because I'm unveiling my first write-in contest, What's My Damage?!  The game where we find out how bizarre people really are.  I show you pictures of someone, and you send me e-mail explaining what the hell is wrong with this person.  The entries will be judged on the following: originality, succinctness, amusement value, quotably, and mean-spiritedness.  All entries must include name and e-mail address.  (Only the first names will be printed.)  All entries must be received by August 20th, and the winning entry (and the other really funny ones) will be printed in the September Septi-Pages.  (Provided there is one, of course.  Oh by the way, my birthday is in the beginning of September.  Start thinking about those presents now.  Always remember that Septy loves you.)  The winner will receive a special surprise by e-mail that he or she will get to cherish for all eternity, or at least until the Millennium Bug wipes out civilization as we know it.

    Our contestant this month is: Jesse Camp!  Here's a little about him!  "When Jesse isn't rummaging through dumpsters for his wardrobe, he can be seen on Mtv annoying millions of people.  Septy likes to describe his as the disturbing love child of Pauly Shore and Shaky Jake.  (See "About Septy"  5-98 for Jake's description.  Think of Jake as a drunken Tazmanian Devil.)  Mtv promotes him endlessly because no one likes him.  His hobbies are acting stupid, sleeping on park benches, and doing unknown substances."  Watch Mtv to see Jesse in action, and visit www.mtv.com to learn a little more about him.  Here are some pictures to get you going.