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February 20, 2000 |
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Today is a triple birthday. Today is Len's, Terry's, and John's birthday. Isn't it a
little creepy to share a birthday with your spouse? It just seems
a little Twilight Zone-ish to me.
I do call Terry and John today. They're not home; I left a message.
Now, I have absolutely no problems with John. We seem to get along just
fine. I'm not talking like planning vacations with him, but I'll watch the
occasional game with him on television. We have never gotten into an
argument either. Like I said, we get along just fine. Terry on the other
hand is one that I always seem to get into some debate or another.
I keep getting e-mail from Terry. It isn't a big secret that she and I
don't really get along. I'm not going to place blame on either side; I'm
sure I'm as guilty about the distance between us as she might be. I was
frankly a little surprised that she has finally gotten comfortable enough
with e-mail. However, I regret to say that this actually means that she is
sending me mail in particular. Now, let me be honest. I don't
hate my sister, but there's certainly a distinct dislike
here and some definite hostility.
Am I afraid that she'll read my journal? Well, not really. First off, I
really don't think that she will. She has a relatively tough time reading
most things that I write, presumably because they upset her. Second, if
she does happen upon it, then let it be. I'm not going to start censoring
my thoughts or what I write on this journal to appease her. If she has
problems with it, let her stop reading it. Don't get me wrong; she doesn't
know that this journal exists as of yet, so I'm not purposely trying to
upset her. Although to be quite honest, I don't care if it does or not. I
know that sounds a bit poison, but that's the way I feel.
As for the e-mail… I'm not sure what she wants from me. I can only
imagine that somehow she wants to patch things up with me. I tried to
patch things up with her a few years ago. I tried to talk through many of
the little problems that we have. I tried to understand her approach to
life and how we managed to become so different. You know what?
Relationships are composed of two people. You can't patch something up
with someone if they don't want it to happen. Mostly we ended up talking
about things until she simply said, "I don't want to talk about it."
Another problem is that we never get through issues. We might
start to talk about something and inevitably she would get upset. That's
fine, I figure that she needs time to reflect and when she has managed to
calm down we will discuss it again. At these times, she is silent for
weeks, literally; then when she does get around to conversing with
me again, we never talk about whatever got her upset in the first place.
She treats me as if nothing had ever happened. It is very frustrating to
deal with people this way.
Admittedly, I'm more reluctant to give her the benefit of the doubt over
other people. It is this lifelong game of manipulation that she plays.
I've simply grown weary of it. I know that I still have to get some
closure with her, that will happen one of these days. Maybe it will
involve finally conceding that we're never going to have a close
relationship. To be honest, I don't think I really want one. There's a
part of me that's thinking, "Let sleeping dogs lay". Just let it go!
Oh, yes. Happy Birthday, Sis!
I had dinner plans with Len tonight. No big surprise. We have dinner practically every Sunday. We normally don't decide where we're going until we're in the car together and talk about it. It's gotten to be a little tradition. We're nothing if not creatures of habit.
Incidentally, we're also supposed to be seeing a movie… Pitch Black. It starts at 7:50pm at Crossroads. Technically, we're supposed to be doing dinner and a movie with Carlos. We made tentative plans on Friday. I called him yesterday to confirm plans for Sunday. Then Len calls him today to setup the time to pick him up. You know what? Carlos flaked again. We called him on his cell phone and told us that he was still driving back from… snow shoeing? That's okay, we're used to him pulling this sort of thing. He has roughly a 30% attendance rate. Technically, I blew him off this past Friday (they were only tentative plans). And you know what? I don't regret it one bit. So it would seems that it will be only Len and I tonight.
Tonight, I get in the car and start making suggestions… Chili's. No! Hooters No! TGI Friday's No! Azteca No! Casa Vallarta No! Are we being a little disagreeable tonight? He saw it coming, of course; I was hoping to get him to go to a restaurant where they would sing him Happy Birthday… obnoxiously and loudly. He has a distinct dislike for this kind of attention. Since it was his birthday, I promised him that I would not ask the restaurant staff to sing to him. Sometimes he is just no fun.
We wound up going to Olive Garden. The line for a table was incredibly long. We sneaked into the lounge where there was open seating. There were a couple of tables open, so we grabbed one of them. I quietly suggested to Len that maybe he should write something down about turning the big thirty. He is quite the writer, when he does write. Sometimes I'm a little envious. It comes easily to him. I have to practice and hone my skills and work at it. He seems to be able to spit out stuff as if it were nothing. I also give him one of two birthday presents that I got for him; it's just a DVD. The other is sitting at home, I just didn't want him to lug it around while we were going to dinner and the movie. Otherwise dinner was uneventful, with the possible exception of the tiramisu, which was quite noteworthy.
We then head to the movie. We have eleven minutes. Len doesn't make it on time. I say Len doesn't make it on time, because naturally, I would've been able to do it. Ha!
The movie is Pitch Black. No really, the name of the movie is Pitch Black. Verdict? I like the movie. It is a sci-fi/action flick. I liked it because it talked about other species that are higher up on the food chain that humans. There's not this silliness of polarization between good and evil like so many other films. Take Event Horizon for instance. It concentrated on this concept of this other side that was more horrible than humans could imagine. There are a number of other movies, take any of the Hellraiser movies as well, for instance. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike these movies. It is just that they don't coincide with my belief system.
I suppose that I see the world (and humans, as part of the world) as this swirl of good and bad. It isn't so much the struggle of one to win over the other, but more of the balance between the two. Think of it as Yin and Yang. The idea that dark and light exist in all things. This is a Chinese philosophy, which ironically wasn't taught to me by the Chinese community. Yes, this does mean that I don't really adhere to the principles of Christianity. I'm agnostic.
The movie was certainly entertaining. Carlos missed a good movie. Len drove me back to my place, where he picked up this other present.
February 20, 2000