A Place To Belong
By: Rebekah Parham

-17-

Samantha tossed and turned from the time she laid down in her bed that night. She couldn't think about anything else but that kiss and what John was going to say to her. Would he still want to be friends? What if he didn't want to see her anymore, what would she do? John had become her closest confidant, the person she told everything to. There were no secrets between them, and she cherished every moment with him.

Samantha sat up in her bed and put her hand on the crystal tear around her neck. She couldn't take it anymore, waiting for morning and not knowing what John was going to say was killing her. She got out of bed and put her clothes on. Quietly, she crept down the stairs and out of the apartment. Samantha stepped out into the summer night and felt the balmy heat surround her. She quickly walked the block to John's apartment. Looking up to his window Samantha saw that his light was on. She heard the faint sounds of his guitar before knocking on the door.

John opened the door wearing only a pair of gray sweat pants. He looked down at her and seemed a little confused. "When you said tomorrow, I didn't know you literally meant first thing."

Samantha blushed, "I can come back."

"No, come in," he said. "I take it you couldn't sleep either?"

"No," Samantha said, taking her usual seat on the couch. She waited for John to close the door and sit down next to her. She had been thinking about what she was going to say all night, but now she couldn't think of anything. "John, I don't know how that kiss happened. I didn't mean for it too and I really don't want it to ruin things for us, but I will understand if you don't want to be friends anymore." Samantha blurted out very quickly.

John sat in shock for a minute trying to comprehend everything she had just said. "Sam, why would you think I wouldn't want to be your friend anymore? Because we kissed?"

"Yes"

"Sam, we have kissed before just never like that. It was just one of those things that happen when people get wrapped up in the moment," John explained. "It's not going to come between us being friends. Nothing could ever do that."

Samantha let out a sigh of relief. "I was worried when you said you wanted to talk to me," she admitted, smiling up at him.

"I just wanted to make sure things were cool between us too," he told her. John looked past Samantha to the clock that was hanging on the wall, "Sam, what the hell are you doing wondering around Buffalo at 2:00 in the morning?"

She turned to look at the clock. She hadn't paid any attention to what time it was when she left the apartment. "I couldn't sleep. I was too worried about what you were going to say to me." she explained to him again.

"I do have a phone you know. You could have called."

"I didn't think about that. I wanted to see you, to make sure that....it," Samantha said, not wanting to use the word kiss again, "Didn't affect our friendship." She waited a minute then she asked, "Why weren't you sleeping?"

John pulled his other leg up on the couch so he was siting Indian style. "I guess I was worried about the same thing. I didn't know how the kiss would affect you," he told her.

"But it didn't affect us, we are both fine with it, right?" she asked

"Right," John said. "Do you want me to take you home?"

"Trying to get rid of me already?" she asked.

"No, actually, I wouldn't care if you stayed all night, but I know Artie would worry if he woke up and you weren't there."

"Yes, he would. You don't have to take me home, I can walk," she told him getting up off the couch.

"You're not walking home alone," he told her.

"John, I only live a block from here."

"You are not walking home at 2:00 in the morning by yourself. Either I will take you home or we can stay here, the choice is yours," he told her in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"Get on your walking shoes," she told him.

He went into the bedroom and came back out with a shirt and a pair of tennis shoes on. For a little while they both walked in silence, enjoying the peacefulness of the night. "Artie said something about you guys going back on tour, do you know anything about that for sure?"

"Nothing for sure, but he is trying to set something up for us in late September or early October."

"Do you want to go back on tour?" Samantha asked him.

"Yeah, I love playing on stage in front of new people every night. It's kind of like the rush you get from drugs, except without all those nasty side effects," he told her laughing.

His answer kind of disappointed Samantha. She didn't like for him to go away. She missed him too much, but she knew that music was his dream, his passion, his first love. "I am sure he will fix something up for you guys," Samantha told him. They stopped in front of Artie's apartment building. "Thanks for walking me home."

"No problem," John told her. He bent to kiss the top of her head. "Good night"

Samantha's breath had caught in her throat. She had thought he was going to kiss her again, like before, but he hadn't. "Good night," Samantha whispered, walking into the apartment.

Samantha went up to her room and got back into her pajamas. This time it wasn't worrying about the kiss that kept her wake, it was the annoyance that he hadn't kissed her again.

He wasn't going to kiss her like that again. They had both settled the fact that they were just friends, and friends didn't kiss each other like that. She tossed and turned for another hour before she finally fell into a restless sleep.

The telephone woke Samantha up the next morning. She crawled out of bed to answer it. "Hello"

"Samantha, hey it's Josh"

"Hey," she said still trying to wake up.

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, I was just getting into the shower," she lied. She didn't want him to know she had slept until 12:00.

"Oh. I was wondering if we could get together this afternoon, to talk."

"About what?" Samantha asked

"About us. I want to fix things between us. Come on Samantha, please just give me one hour."

Samantha thought about it, "Okay, one hour. Where do you want to meet?"

"How about the park, say around 1:00?" Josh said.

"That's fine. I will see you then," she said before hanging up the phone. An hour later Samantha was walking through the park, looking for Josh. She found him sitting on top of a picnic table.

"Thanks for coming" Josh told her moving to sit beside her on the bench. They sat together watching the children play for a while. "You only have an hour remember, are we going to spend it watching other people?"

"Yeah, I mean no, I mean, I was just trying to figure out what to say," Josh mumbled. "Samantha, do you think you could forgive me for what happened between me and Vicky?"

"Josh, I already told you that I'm not mad at you. At first I was hurt, but now I understand why you did it."

"You do?" he asked.

"Yes, for a while now, I knew you wanted something I wasn't ready to give. Some people just are prepared for things before others are. I don't blame you for what you did, even though your timing really sucked."

"I'm sorry about that," Josh told her again. "Do you think we could still be friends? Maybe go out sometime?"

"Yes, I still want us to be friends, and I would still like to go out with you, but only as friends."

Josh smiled, "At least that's something," he said standing up. Samantha stood up with him. "Looks like my hour is up" he told her. He leaned down and brushed his lips over hers, "I will call you and we can go out," he told her before walking away.

Samantha sat back down on the bench and thought about his kiss. She compared it with John's. She didn't feel anything when Josh had just kissed her. Maybe it was because she knew that he had slept with another girl when he was dating her. Then she thought more about the kisses he had given her before when they were dating. None of them ever compared to what she felt when John kissed her.

"Earth to Samantha" Samantha heard her name being called and she looked up to see Anna standing in front of her.

"Hey. What's up?" Samantha said.

"You tell me. I said your name three times before you finally heard me."

"Really? I was just thinking."

"Must be some heavy duty thinking going on in your brain," Anna teased. "Care to fill me in?"

Samantha and Anna walked along the pond. "Anna how do you know Brad is the right person for you?"

Anna gave Samantha a weird look. "Does this have anything to do with Josh? I just saw him walking out of the park."

"Sort of," Samantha told her.

Anna thought about how she knew Brad was the one for her. "Well, I don't know for sure that Brad is the perfect person for me. I mean, I'm not ready for death do us part and all that just yet, but for right now he is my perfect somebody. He is the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last think I think about before I go to sleep. I think about him a thousand times during the day, and when we are away from each other, I miss him like crazy."

Samantha listened to everything Anna said, she couldn't apply any of them to her and Josh. Until Josh had shown up at the apartment yesterday, she hadn't thought about him in weeks. She did think about John though, she thought about him all the time. She always loved to spend time with him, no matter what they were doing. It never matter as long as they were doing it together. What was happening to her, she wasn't suppose to be thinking this way about John. He was her friend. But Samantha couldn't help it, the more she tried not to think about John, the more she thought about him.

-18-

Samantha was still thinking about John and what was going on with her when she knocked on his door the next day. She was going with him to The Aphrodite, where the guys were going to be playing.

"It's open," she heard John say from inside. She turned the door knob and sure enough the door opened. "I'm running a little late, so it will be a few minutes," John said from the bedroom.

"That's fine," Samantha said going over to the window and stepping out. She loved his fire escape, he could see around the whole block. Samantha never noticed it until now, but he could see Artie's apartment from here. That meant he could see her bedroom window.

She was trying to pick it out which window was hers when she felt his hand grab her ankle. "Don't fall," he said slightly pushing her to the edge.

"I won't if you will stop pushing me," she told him. Samantha came back through the window and closed it. "Are you ready?"

"Yep," he said grabbing his guitar case. "Robby and Mike are going to meet us there. We are going to try out some of our new songs tonight so you will have to tell me what you think."

"You didn't tell me you were writing any new songs," Samantha said.

"I started writing them when we were on tour. I was still working on them when we got back. I didn't know if any of them would be any good, so I didn't say anything," John told her as they pulled into the parking lot of The Aphrodite. "Are those guys ever late?" John asked as they walked into the club. There were already people inside, but it didn't open for another ten minutes.

"I'm going to go find a seat," Samantha said.

"You can at least come up on stage and talk to us until the club opens," John said pulling her up on stage.

"You're late," Robby called from the side of the stage.

"Sam, couldn't figure out what to wear," John said winking at Samantha.

"Me?" Samantha said. "I believe you are the one that was still working on your hair when I got there."

"I thought we were buddies, you're suppose to help me out here," John said sitting down on the edge of the amp.

Robby came over and hugged Samantha. "You haven't been trying to cook anymore have you?"

"Hush," Samantha told him. Samantha looked around the club, she didn't see any signs of Janet or Kristen. "Where are Janet and Kristen?" she asked Robby and Mike.

"Janet is working, but she will be here later," Robby said.

"Kristen is here some place" Mike said looking around for her. "There she is," he pointed toward the bathroom.

Kristen walked on stage and around to sit on Mike's lap. "Hey Samantha," she said after kissing Mike.

"Hey," Samantha replied, observing how good they looked together. Would she ever find someone to be like that with she wondered very quickly.

People had started coming into the club more frequently now, "Looks like we better go find us a table," Kristen said toward Samantha.

The two girls sat at the table closest to the stage. All through the show, Samantha watched John. She watched how his hands moved over the guitar, how precise and exact all of his movements were. He always looked so comfortable on stage. Samantha didn't know how he did it night after night, and still seemed to love it . She always thought she would die if she had to get up in front of strangers and perform.

After the show, everybody sat at the table talking. Janet had shown up half way through the first set, so she and Robby were together, as were Kristen and Mike; which left her and John together. Samantha got up from the table to call Artie. He had told her he might be going out later, and if he was home Samantha didn't want him to worry about her.

"Hello," Artie answered.

"Hey, it's me, I just wanted to see if you went out or not."

"I haven't yet, but I'm getting ready to walk out the door," Artie told her. "Are you coming home right now?"

"No, I don't think so," She told him. "Do you want me to?"

"No, I was just wondering. Are you having a good time?" Artie asked

"Yes, the guys just got finished playing."

"I'm glad you're having a good time. If you need me tonight I will be at the Riverdocks, and you know I always have my cell phone."

"I know," Samantha said. "Have fun."

"You too, and make sure those boys take care of you." .

"I will," she said, hanging up the phone.

"Everything alright" John asked from behind her.

Samantha nearly jumped out of her skin, "You scared me," she told him.

"I seem to have that affect on women," John said smiling at her. "Robby and Mike left with Janet and Kristen. Do you want me to take you home?"

"You can if you want, Artie just left."

"Where was he going?" John asked

"To Riverdocks, I think there was a new band playing there tonight."

"No use in me taking you home if no one is going to be there. You want to go back to my place?"

"If you don't mind the company."

"I never mind when it's you that keeps me company."

On the way back to John's place they stopped at Glindy's to get something to eat. It was really crowed, being Friday night and all, so they decided to take it back to his place. After eating, John got up on the couch to watch Ghostbusters, Samantha was sitting on the floor leaning back against the couch. John started playing with the back of Samantha's hair and it was sending chills up her spine. She was trying her hardest not to think about John in other ways besides friends, but she was having a hard time with him being so close..

"Do you want to sit on the couch?" John asked her.

"No, I'm fine"

"I know that my floor isn't that comfortable. Come on," he said sitting up on the couch so she would have room. Samantha got up and sat on the far end of the couch. "Are you scared of me or something?"

"No," Samantha said. "I just thought you might want to stretch out a little bit more. You were the one running around a stage for nearly three hours tonight."

"I've had years of practice at that, so I'm use to it." He grasped Samantha's hand and trying to pull her away from the edge of the couch. "What's wrong with you tonight?" he asked when she didn't move.

"Nothing," she said. She didn't want John to get suspicious of why she was acting so strange so she moved closer to the center of the couch. "Are you sure I'm not too close. I don't want you to feel like I'm up under you or anything."

"You're fine," he said, not taking his attention away from the television.

They continued to watch the movie. About half way through Samantha started getting sleepy, she laid her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes.

When Samantha opened her eyes again she found herself laying half on top of John. He was asleep and the television wasn't on, which meant he probably turned it off when the movie was over. She started to get up but thought it might wake him so she continued to lay there with him. She watched how peacefully he slept, like a child. She wondered if she would feel the same emotions if they kissed again

John's eyes opened and he stared back at Samantha. Samantha blushed wondering if he could read her thoughts. She was so close to him, she wanted to know what it would be like if she kissed him again. Without thinking, Samantha leaned down and pressed her lips to John's. She expected him to pull away from her but he didn't, in fact he participated. Samantha felt that same sensation in her stomach as last time. Her head was beginning to spin and Samantha was feeling these feelings that she had never felt.

John pushed her shoulders slightly so she would have to break the kiss. He looked at her for only a moment before he pushed her away and got up off the couch. "Sam, I'm sorry. For a moment I thought it was a dream," John tried explaining.

"Do you dream about me often?" Samantha asked curiously.

John hesitated for a moment. "That's not the point," he said walking over to the window. He was trying to put some distance between them, but Samantha got up and went over to him.

"John, it's okay, I liked the kiss."

"So did I," he said looking at her, "That's the problem."

Samantha looked confused. "John, we don't have any secrets between us, and I don't want to have any now, so I'm going to tell you the truth." John looked at her but he didn't know if he was going to like what she had to say. "You are my best friend, I feel like I can tell you anything; but over these last few days I have started feeling different things for you. I don't know what it is I'm feeling, but I know I have never felt it before about anyone. I don't understand it, yet I want to explore it further."

John was right, he didn't want to hear this from her. "Sam, I know what you're feeling because I feel the same way, but it's not right. Nothing can ever happen between us."

"Why? Because of my age?"

"That's part of it" John said.

"What 's the other part?"

John looked at her, "Sam, you're Artie's niece, I'm his client. What if things went bad between me and Artie or me and you, where would that leave everybody? Someone would have to end up choosing sides."

"Why would somebody have to choose sides. You said nothing could ever come between us being friends."

"Nothing ever will if we remain friends, but Sam, things happen when people go beyond friendship," John said.

"You think if we got involved that we couldn't be friends anymore?" Samantha asked.

"I don't know," John said shaking his head.

Samantha didn't know what to say. She never wanted anything to come between the friendship she and John had formed, but she didn't know if she could deny these feelings she had for him either. "John, my mom always told me that there was somebody out there that was made especially for every person. She said finding them was the easy part, but holding on to them once you found them was one of the most difficult things in the world."

Samantha stepped close enough to John so that she could put her hand over his, that was resting on the window ledge, "I think we both know that we have found our somebody, now what are we going to do about it?"

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