A Place To Belong
By: Rebekah Parham

-21-

Samantha was a little nervous when John knocked on the door the next night. "Hey. Come in." Samantha said opening the door. "Artie's not home yet."

John came through the door and closed it behind him. Samantha was still standing at the door waiting for her hello kiss. John didn't give it to her, instead he went to the couch and sat down. Samantha followed him, siting down beside him. "Are you nervous?" he asked.

"A little," Samantha replied.

"Me too. Artie has been so cool to us, I would hate to mess that up."

"You won't," Samantha said confidently.

"I'm sure it's every uncle's dream to have his teenage niece dating a musician," John said kiddingly.

"If the musician is like you, I'm sure the uncle wouldn't mind."

"We'll see," he said as Artie poked his head in the living room.

"I thought I heard voice in here," he said. Artie came over and kissed Samantha on top of the head. "What are your plans for tonight?" Artie asked.

"We actually wanted to talk to you," Samantha said.

"Really, what about?"

John and Samantha exchanged a glance, not sure who should start. John took the initiative, "Artie, as you know, Sam and I have been spending a lot of time together."

"Seems you see more of her than I do," Artie laughed.

"We want to be honest with you because you have been so wonderful to both of us," Samantha said.

"Honest with me about what?"

"It has come to our attention that lately Sam and I have started feeling things other than just friendship for one another," John said.

"Is that all," Artie said. I thought you were about to tell me Samantha had tried to cook again.

"You mean it's alright with you?" Samantha asked.

"Honey, I saw this coming. You two have been good for each other, I'm glad that you were honest with me about it. I hope you will continue to be."

"We will," Samantha said going over to put her arms around Artie's neck. Just then the phone rang, "I will get it," Samantha said since she was already up.

Artie waited for Samantha to leave the room. He smiled at John. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" John asked.

"John, I see how happy Samantha is with you even when you two were just becoming friends. You seemed to bring her out of her shell, that was something that I have only ever seen her mother be able to do. I trust you and love you like you were my son," Artie told him. "And I love Samantha as if she were my daughter. There is nothing I would like more than to see you both happy. If you can be happy together then I am pleased for both of you."

"Artie, I promise I won't do anything that would cause you to doubt that trust you have put in me," John said.

"I know you won't, that's why I am okay with this. Don't think I haven't thought about the age difference, but I know Samantha is a smart girl, and you are an intelligent person. You will do what is right for both of you. I couldn't keep her sixteen years old forever," Artie finished just as Samantha came back in the room. "Who was that?" Artie asked.

"It was Anna. She just wanted to chat."

"Does she know about this yet," Artie said implying her new relationship with John.

Samantha gave him a shy smile. "No, besides you, only Robby and Mike know."

"Well, I'm sure you two will want to spend some time together and I have to go out anyway so I will see you later," Artie said going upstairs.

Samantha and John looked towards each other. They both burst into laughter. "All that worrying for nothing," Samantha said. "I can't believe that was so easy."

"Artie is a cool guy." John said. "So what do you want to do tonight?"

"You want to see a movie?"

"That fine," John said getting up and pulling Samantha off the couch.

"So this is like going to be our first official date as a couple right?" Samantha said as they were walking to John's car.

"Yep, are you sure the movies are good enough for a first date?"

"You know actually I know something I would rather do," Samantha said.

"What's that?"

"Not yet," she said getting in the car. "Just go back to your place."

"What is there to do at my place?" John asked starting the car.

"I want to do something more memorable for our first date."

"And you think you are going to find it at my apartment?" John asked skeptically

"Just wait, you will see."

John opened the door to his apartment and let Samantha in. After shutting the door and asked, "Okay, what is it you want to do?"

"I want you to teach me how to play the guitar," Samantha said, picking up his guitar that was leaning against the wall. She brought it over to the couch and put her fingers on the strings the way John had showed her last time.

"You want to learn to play the guitar?" John asked skepticlly.

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Because it's what you love, and I want to love it too," Samantha told him. John went over to take his spot beside Samantha, kissing the top of her head. Laughing, Samantha turned her face toward John, "My lips don't mind being kissed either," Samantha told him.

"Old habits die hard," he told her before finally giving her a kiss.

"Good thing I'm a patient person," Samantha whispered in his ear.

"I will try to be a quick learner," John whispered back to her.

For the next two hours John showed Samantha chords to some of his songs. By the time they were through she could play almost all of James Dean. Why did you write a song about James Dean," Samantha asked him.

"Well, everybody was always talking about how they always wanted to be James Dean. He was so good looking and had such a wonderful life and everybody wanted to know what it would be like to be him. But then I got to thinking about it. Yes, he did have a cool life but he died at such a young age. I don't want to be like him if I have to die before my life really gets started," John told her. "It was so weird how his life reflected Rebel Without A Cause."

"What's Rebel Without A Cause?"

"It's a movie. Didn't you ever see it?"

"No"

"We will have to change that," John said going back to showing her more chords on the guitar.

-22-

Samantha had one more whole month of summer. That also meant that she had only a little over a month to spend with John before he went back on tour. He, Robby and Mike were leaving two weeks after she started school, and this time they were going to be gone six months. Samantha didn't know how she was going to get through six months without John around. The two months he had been gone last time was bad enough and that was before they had started dating. Samantha still felt a rush of excitement when she thought of her and John dating. Although nothing had really changed between them, except she got to kiss him whenever she wanted. That part she loved, just thinking about them made Samantha feel the butterflies in her stomach.

Samantha rolled out of bed and went down stairs. Artie was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. "Morning"

"Morning," Samantha greeted him.

"What have you been up to lately. I haven't seen much of you."

Samantha poured her a glass of juice and joined Artie at the table. "I have been trying to soak up all the time with John that I can before he leaves."

"I thought that's what you would be doing," Artie told her. "I take it things are still going well between you two."

Samantha didn't have to answer the smile on her face made her answer clear enough. "Do you guys have any plans today?"

"Not really. We are just going to hang out, I think, unless he wants to do something else," Samantha told him. "What about you, what are your plans for today?"

"I am still setting up things for their tour. So I will be on the phone most of today."

"Have fun," Samantha told him as he was getting up to leave.

"Yeah" he said sarcastically, "You too."

"I will."

Two hours later Samantha made her way down the street to John's apartment. She knocked on his door and waited for him to open it. "Good morning."

"You're in a chipper mood this morning," John said watching her glide into his apartment.

"Why shouldn't I be? I get to spend the whole day with my most favorite person," Samantha said standing on her tip toes to kiss him.

"I told Robby and Mike that we would fill in for a band that canceled at Rainbow tonight" John told her. "I didn't know we had plans."

"We don't, I was just hoping to spend some quality time with you," Samantha said with a sad puppy dog face.

John wrapped his arms around Samantha's waist. "I will tell you what," he said, "I will go do the show, and right after we can spend some of that quality time together."

Samantha's face brightened up and she agreed to his plan. At seven o'clock that night, Samantha sat with Kristen and Janet waiting for the boys to start the show. Samantha saw someone out of the corner of her eye waving at her. She turned her head trying to see around the crowd of people that were crammed into the small club. She finally saw Anna standing near the bar with Brad. "I will be right back," Samantha said to Kristen and Janet before leaving the table.

Samantha went over to say hello, and she saw that Anna and Brad were not alone, Josh was with them. "Hey," she said walking toward them.

"I didn't know they were playing here tonight," Anna said when she saw John, Robby, and Mike on stage.

"They weren't suppose to but another band canceled and they said they would play for them."

"How are things going?" Anna asked. Samantha had told Anna about her and John almost two weeks ago. At first she was shocked, but she told her if she was happy then that's all that mattered.

"Fine" Samantha answered.

"How is John?"

"He is getting ready for another tour."

"Really? How are you two ever going to survive while he is gone?" Anna asked.

"I have no idea" Samantha confided.

Josh had been standing with them listening to Samantha and Anna's conversation. "I didn't know you and John were dating" Josh stated.

"We haven't been together that long, only about a month."

"A month?"

"Yeah" Samantha said.

Josh turned to Brad, "I don't really think I'm going to stay. I will see you later" he said walking out the door.

Samantha followed Josh outside. "Josh, wait." He stopped but didn't turn around. "Josh, are you mad at me?"

"No, I guess I'm getting what I deserve," He said facing Samantha.

"What?"

"This is suppose to be my punishment for sleeping with Vicky isn't it?"

"No," Samantha said. "This doesn't have anything to do with that."

"Well, at least now I know why you have been too busy to spend any time with us this summer."

"Josh, come on. You know what it feels like to find your first love. You want to spend all your time with them. John is going to be leaving soon, so our time together is so precious."

"Yeah, I know how it feels to find your first love," Josh said reaching out to touch Samantha's face.

"Josh, you don't love me."

"How do you know?"

Samantha stepped back so Josh's hand couldn't touch her. "We never had that connection. We never talked to each other."

"We use to talk all the time," Josh said.

"Yeah, but it was always about school or our friends. It was never about each other. There is so much we don't know about each other," Samantha said.

"Like what is it about you that you think I don't know?"

Samantha thought quickly. Putting her hand over Josh's eyes, Samantha asked, "What color are my eyes, Josh?"

Josh hesitated for a moment before guessing, "Blue."

"They're emerald green," a voice said behind them.

Josh turned around to see who had said that. Samantha didn't have to turn around, she knew John was behind her. "Her eyes are emerald green," John repeated.

Josh turned back around to stare at Samantha's eyes. Sure enough they were the perfect shade of emeralds. "Maybe, we don't know so much about each other," Josh said. "I'm sorry, Samantha. It just caught me off guard that you were dating someone else."

"I know and it's alright. We are still friends, aren't we?"

Josh smiled at her, "Of course."

Samantha watched Josh walk away and felt John come up behind her. "What was that all about?"

"He didn't know we had started dating," Samantha told him. Samantha turned around quickly, "Why aren't you on stage?"

"I told Robby and Mike that we were only going to play one set tonight."

"Oh, so does that mean that we can leave now?"

"Whenever you're ready."

John and Samantha went back to John's apartment. He was still teaching her more about the guitar. Even though she wasn't as enthusiastic about it as John, Samantha did catch on quickly. "Are you tired?" John asked when he saw Samantha yawn.

"A little bit."

"I should take you home," John said sitting the guitar back against the wall.

"It's only 10:00. If you take me home now, Artie's not going to be there and that means I will have to be in that apartment all by myself," Samantha said snuggling close to John.

"Is this your subtle way of telling me you're not ready to go yet?"

Samantha sat on John's lap, resting her head on his shoulder. Her eyes were wide with question, when she asked, "Do you really want me to go?"

"Well, I do have this really cute blonde coming over here later" John teased. Samantha gave him a playful punch in the arm. "You know I don't want you to leave," he said.

"That's more like it," Samantha said. She continued to sit across John's lap, neither of them saying anything. Samantha smiled to herself, she had never been more content than she was right then with John.

-23-

Samantha couldn't get over how happy she had been for the past two months. Even before that, when she had first moved to Buffalo, her life had begun to change. It was all because of John. She loved him, she knew she did. Samantha didn't know how she was going to make it without him for six months. Her life had come to revolve around the time she spent with him.

Samantha picked up the phone and dialed Anna's number. "Hey Anna"

"Hey. I haven't talked to you in a while. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could ask you for a favor?" Samantha asked

"Sure," Anna replied.

"Can you come over? I really want to talk to you."

"Is something wrong?" Anna asked worriedly,

"No, nothing is wrong. I just need to ask you a question," Samantha said.

"I will be there in ten," Anna told her.

Samantha didn't know how she was going to go about asking Anna all the questions she had. But Samantha knew that Anna was her best friend and she would understand.

Sure enough Anna understood. She told Samantha everything she knew and tried to answer Samantha's questions the best she could. "Are you sure?" Anna asked excitedly.

"Yes," Samantha declared. "I don't think I have ever wanted anything more."

Anna smiled at her friend. She knew that Samantha was about to take a giant step. "If you're going to do this, you have to do it right."

"What do you mean?" Samantha asked. "How can I do it wrong?"

"I just mean you have to be prepared," Anna said. "Like what are you going to wear?"

"I don't know. Do I need to wear something special?"

"Yes"

"Like what?"

Anna rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. "Lets go shopping."

Anna took Samantha into Victoria Secret. Samantha felt a little embarrassed. "Do I really need something like this?"

"You want him to enjoy this don't you?"

"I want us to both enjoy this" Samantha told her.

Anna grinned, "Don't worry you will."

They went over to the contraceptive section in the drug store. Samantha had no idea why there were so many different kinds. Anna helped her pick out what she thought would work best for her and John. "Don't always depend on the guy," Anna said, handing her the box of condoms.

After leaving the drug store Anna also suggested that they stop by Bath and Body Works. "Candles are always a nice way to set the mood."

"How do you know all of this?" Samantha asked her.

Anna smiled at her, "I didn't learn it all from Brad, if that's what you're asking. I read a lot of Cosmopolitan magazine." Samantha nodded her understanding, as they walked out to Anna's car. "How are you going to get this stuff in John's apartment without him noticing?"

"He has practice tonight. I should be able to get to his place before he does. Can you drop me off by there on your way home?"

"Sure" Anna said pulling out of the parking lot. "What did you tell Artie?"

"I didn't have to tell him anything. He is out of town for tonight."

Anna dropped Samantha off in front of John's apartment and helped her carry her bags inside. Anna could tell that Samantha was nervous. "It's going to be fine. Just remember what I told you and you will do fine."

"What if I do it wrong, and he doesn't like it?"

"Samantha, John is not going to care about that. Being with you is all that matters to him."

Anna hugged Samantha and left her to start getting ready for tonight. It was only 4:30 and John said he wouldn't be home until 6:00. Samantha used her time wisely. She took a quick shower, set out all of the candles, and put on the slinky black negligee she had bought earlier.

Samantha had all the lights turned off in the apartment and was lighting the last candle when John opened the door. He reached for the light switched but stopped when he saw all the candles that were lit. Looking around her saw Samantha standing by the doorway to the bedroom.

John didn't know what to do. The last thing he had expected tonight was to come home and find Samantha standing amidst two dozen candles and wearing practically nothing. He sat his guitar case down and shut the door. "Sam, what's going on?"

Confident, sexy and in control, that's what Anna had told her to be. Samantha sauntered across the room toward John. "Welcome home," Samantha said looking at him from beneath her lashes. She pulled him down to kiss her. It was a short passionate kiss.

"Sam"

"Yeah," she answered still trying to kiss him.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to seduce you."

John pushed her to arm's length. "Sam...." John began.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked innocently.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just that we can't do this, you know we can't."

"Why?"

"You are only seventeen years old, this is illegal," John said trying to protest. "Sam, I don't want you to feel like you have to do this."

"I don't feel like I have to do this," Samantha insisted. "John, I want to show you how much you mean to me, how much I care for you; how much I love you." Samantha watched John as she said this. He looked like he didn't know what to say. "You don't have to say it back to me; just let me show you how much you mean to me."

"Sam, you show me how much you care every time you tell me your secrets and dreams. I don't need this to know that you love me."

Samantha looked down at what she was wearing and to all the candles that were surrounding them. "John, I don't know how to do this, and we both know this black lingerie isn't me." she said laughing at herself. "You have changed me so much this past year. You filled a place in my heart that I thought would be empty for the rest of my life. After all you have done for me, please let me share this with you."

John was touched more than he cared to admit by what Samantha had said. "Sam, you have no idea how much I want this right now, but it's just not right."

Samantha brought John's hand to her lips, gently kissing his fingers. "I know you're worried about someone finding out, but they won't. This is something that is only between us."

"Sam, you haven't thought about this"

"Yes I have. I know now why I was never ready for this with Josh. I didn't love him, but I do love you. I feel like you are a part of my soul." Samantha reached up and kissed John again. "I am ready, John."

John was torn. Was he suppose to do what his mind was telling him, or was he suppose to follow his heart? He didn't know what to do. Everything about Samantha excited him, but nothing more than what she was suggesting right now. As John was trying to decide which path was the right one for them, Samantha was busy kissing her way down his neck.

Samantha could tell that John was having inner turmoil over this. He wanted to do what was right for her. "John, I'm not scared, and I do want this," she reassured him.

John gave up. He couldn't fight both his feelings and hers. He reached behind her and lifted her into his arms. Carrying Samantha to the bedroom, John placed her on the center of the bed. Looking toward the night stand that was beside the bed, Samantha had placed the box of condoms. "You really did think about this" John said.

Samantha watched as John quickly got rid of the clothes he was wearing. She turned her head away when he started to remove the jeans he was wearing.

"Are you nervous?" he asked, laying down beside her.

"I don't want to do this wrong," Samantha said, blushing.

John smiled at her. Leaning down, he kissed away all of her doubts. John held the side of her face with one hand and placed his other hand beside her. "It's not too late, we can still stop," John reminded her.

"I don't want to stop." Samantha kissed John again. "I won't break," she promised him. "You can touch me."

John's lips made their way down Samantha's neck. Samantha had always felt excitement when John kissed her, but these feelings were so much more. She felt a fire everywhere that he touched. The anticipation of what new sensations would come next were tormenting her.

John ran his hand up her slender leg. Everything in Samantha's world ceased to matter except what was happening between her and John. Samantha didn't even notice when John moved on top of her. But she couldn't miss his warm fingers slipping between her legs. Samantha bit down on her lip to keep from shrieking out her pleasure.

"Are you ready?" John asked with tender regard. Samantha couldn't find her voice to say yes, so she nodded her head. She knew there would be some pain, but it didn't last but a moment.

John was very careful to make sure he didn't cause her anymore pain than necessary. The thought of him ever having to hurt Samantha at all, made him sick. He moved slowly within her, giving Samantha time to savor each new sensation. Samantha held her breath as the most exquisite ecstasy soared through her body.

A little while later Samantha floated back from the clouds she had been riding on. Opening her eyes she stared at John, "I love you."

John starred back at Samantha. He had never had someone totally abandon themselves the way Samantha just had for him. "Sam, I would like to tell you that I love you, but I can't."

Samantha pushed herself up on her elbow to look at him confused. "You can't?"

"No, I can't. What I felt for you before this was love, but now...."

"Oh god, I did something wrong. You didn't like it"

"Sam, let me finish. You were perfect, everything you did was right." John assured her. "I didn't say that I didn't love you, I said that I can't say it." John sat up in the bed, and Samantha did the same. He reached out and took her hands, holding them in his. "Sam, I cared for you before we made love, but now what I feel for you goes beyond love. It's an emotion that I can't describe."

"But you do love me, don't you?" Samantha said, already knowing the answer.

John took a deep breath, "Yes, Sam, I love you.."

Tears were in Samantha's eyes as she said those same words back to him. "I have never told a woman that I love them before," John told her.

"Thank you for letting me be the first." Samantha said as she leaned over to give him a slow passionate kiss.

"Thank you for letting me be yours," John replied to her.

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