By: Rebekah Parham
-31-
Maybe she had dreamed it all up. Maybe all the thoughts and memories she'd had that day just formed into a fictitious person she believed to be John standing across the street staring at her.
Alex finally wanted to know why she went hysterical, running through the street in the middle of the night. "Who are you waiting to see down there?"
Samantha looked up to see Alex coming out of the dark room. She was once again by the window. "A friend."
"Would this friend be the same one in the picture that you don't talk about?"
Samantha turned her attention back to the darkened sidewalk.
Alex took a deep breath, trying to contain his upsetting feelings. "Samantha, I don't want to push, but I really want to know."
Not moving from the window Samantha said, "What do you want to know?"
"If this person is a friend why do you think he would be watching you?"
Samantha left her place by the window and took a seat across from Alex. She realized for the first time how silly it was to believe that John would actually be outside her window. "I guess that I just wanted to see him so badly that I imagined him outside my window."
"Who is he?"
"His name is John."
"Could you tell me a little about him?"
Samantha sat back in her chair, gazing up at the ceiling. After a few minutes Alex said, "Samantha if you don't want to talk about it anymore..."
"No, it's not that. I was just wondering how I am suppose to describe someone that is almost inhumanly perfect."
"He's perfect?" Alex asked skeptically
Samantha smiled, "Well, he is to me."
"So how did you meet Mr. Wonderful?"
"I met John when I went to live with my Uncle two years ago. He was in a band and my uncle was their manager."
Alex smiled, walking over to sit on the edge of Samantha's chair, he said, "Oh I get it. You were the sweet innocent girl that took a walk on the wild side with a musician."
"No, it wasn't anything like that."
"What was it like?"
Touching the crystal tear that hadn't left it's place around her neck in almost two years, Samantha whispered, "He was my best friend and my soul mate."
"Was?" Alex said, after he choked down the lump in his throat. "Is it over between you two?"
Samantha looked up at Alex, "I don't know."
John, Robby, and Mike returned to Buffalo and as planned began working on a new album. They had been back in town for three months. Robby and Mike along with everybody else that knew John noticed a dramatic change in him after their last tour. Robby and Mike knew he was upset because Samantha hadn't come back, but now he seemed more than upset. Like he was trying to beary himself in work to keep from thinking.
That was exactly what John was trying to do. He wanted to eat, sleep and breath music so he did have to think or feel the emptiness that had once again settled itself inside him.
After weeks of trying, Robby finally convinced John to go out with him and Janet. They went to The Rainbow. Many of the same faces still hung out there. A few of the ones they knew came to wish them good luck on their next record; or congratulate them on the small about of success they had already earned.
John and Robby found a table and waited for Janet to show up. When she did, John noticed that she hadn't come alone, Carly was with her. "Hey guys," she greeted taking the seat opposite Robby so Janet could sit beside him.
Robby's smile in place, he asked, "What have you been up to?"
"Not much. I did a few modeling jobs last week, but that's pretty much it." Carly glanced at John. He seemed to be bruiting as he was the last time she saw him. "How was the tour?"
"It was good. We had really good responses from the college kids that came to the concerts. We even got to hear a few of our songs being played on college radio stations," Robby said.
"That must have been cool," Carly said.
"Yeah, it was."
Four beers and two hours later, John had enough of the get together and was ready to go home. Walking out among the other people on the dance floor, John tapped Robby on the shoulder to get his attention. "It's been fun, but I think I'm going to head out."
"You're not leaving yet are you? It's only 11:00," Robby grumbled.
"I know but I'm tired," John said heading for the door.
Robby excused himself and followed John outside. Catching him by the arm Robby said, "John, you're going to have to snap out of this. I'm really starting to worry about you."
"I"m fine, Rob. I'm just tired."
"The reason you're tired is because you don't do anything but work. It may be productive for our career, but man, you're throwing your life away."
John knew Robby was trying to help, but he really didn't want to listen. "I'll go home and get some sleep I promise."
"No, you won't. You will go home, pick up a guitar and spend the next six hours thinking about Samantha." Robby knew he had crossed onto dangerous territory by bringing up Samantha, but what else could he do. "John, I love you like a brother so I'm going to say this with all the love I can. We all loved Samantha but no one more than you. I know you miss her and I don't know what changed you in California, but you are going to have to get pasted this. As much as you want to believe it, she isn't coming back."
She isn't coming back. Those were the words John had been thinking but to afraid to say out loud. Robby was right, Samantha wasn't coming back. That's what she had been trying to tell him in her note. It's what he had seen with his own eyes in California. So why was it still so hard for him to believe?
John had tried to put the past behind him, and to all those looking, he seemed to be doing a good job. Only John knew how lonely he truly was. He and Carly had started dating about a month after his talk with Robby. Usually they spent time with Robby and Janet or Kristen and Mike. Hardly ever were they alone together.
Carly was understanding about Samantha. When she had asked to see a picture of her, John opened his guitar case to reveal the picture of both of them at the Rolling Stone concert. He would answer any questions she asked, but knowing that it upset him to talk about her; Carly did ask many.
Over the summer John, Robby and Mike went out on another tour to promote their second album. Once again, the album didn't sky rocket but it did bring them minimal success again.
John did a serious amount of thinking while he was on tour. In a few months, he was going to turn twenty-six years old. That wasn't exactly ancient yet, but he wasn't eighteen anymore either. Carly had put up with his moodiness, his career, and even his love for another woman. John didn't think he would find a more suitable person for him.
John knew what he was going to do and thought now was just as good of time as any. John had invited Carly over earlier that morning and she was suppose to be arriving any minute. A soft knock on the door told him that she was on time.
John opened the door and invited her in. ushering her to the couch john got down on his knees in front of her. "What are you up to?" Carly asked, noticing that John was acting strange.
"Carly, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think we should get married."
It took a moment for John's words to sink in. When they did a huge smile spread across Carly's face. "Are you serious?"
Digging around in his pocket, John pulled out a velvet box. Carly didn't even wait for him to open it, or to look at the ring, she had already thrown her arms around John's neck, kissing him.
Samantha had finished her first year as a college freshman. She was now in her second semester as a sophomore. After Christmas break, she would get back into the routine again. She hadn't thought too much about Christmas, because she didn't think she would have anyone to spend Christmas with. Alex had invited her to his parents house, but she had said no.
She did decorate her apartment with a real Christmas tree, garland and mistletoe. She took down the mistletoe whenever Alex came over, just in case he got the wrong impression.
Ten days after New Years, another holiday that was spent alone, Samantha got a phone call from, Benjamin, her father's attorney. Because she wasn't there, he left a message telling her it was imperative that he speak with her soon.
Dialing the phone number that was left on the answering machine, Samantha waited for someone to pick up. "Benjamin Harding."
"Ben, this is Samantha."
"Samantha, I'm afraid I have some bad news, you may want to sit down."
Fearing the worst, Samantha quickly sat down on the edge of the bed. "What is it?"
"Samantha, did you know your father was in London?"
"No, he doesn't really check his flight schedule with me."
"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but he suffered a massive heart attack this morning. Honey, the doctors did everything they could, but it wasn't enough. Your father died."
Samantha listened as Benjamin told her of how sorry he was and gave her his condolences, but all the while her mind was in shock. Without knowing it, she hung up the phone and made a reservation for a flight leaving for Seattle. She vaguely remembered Ben telling her that the body was being sent there so he could be buried next to her mother.
John and Carly's wedding was set for January 20. As the big day got closer, everything got more nerve racking. John had left ll of the planning up to Carly. The only thing he had not agreed with was getting married at St. Peter's Church. John remembered all to vividly the prayer Samantha had said to her mother there. He didn't want any reminders of her on his wedding day.
Carly hadn't asked why they couldn't be married at St. Peter's, she just changed the location to a small Catholic church on the east side of Buffalo.
John, Robby, and Mike were being fitted for their tuxes. All were black with a plain white shirt. "Simple and elegant," the owner of the shop had told them, "That's what women like in a man."
John's engagement had come as a big shock to Robby and Mike. Neither of them had even come close to guessing that John was even thinking about marriage. But they all liked Carly so they wished them both well..
Samantha's father was buried on January 15. It was a typical Seattle day; drizzy and hazy. Samantha thought it was befitting that her father be buried in the rain. The only thing her had ever brought to anyone was pain and misery anyway.
Samantha sat in Benjamin Harding's office listening to him once again ell her how sorry he was. She was hear to finalize her father's will. Because she was the only relative her father had living she inherited everything that was his. His business, his houses, his money, everything. her net worth now topped over three million dollars, but she didn't want a penny of it.
"What do you mean you don't want it?" Benjamin asked. "It's yours, it's what your father wanted you to remember him by."
Samantha nearly laughed in his face. What her father wanted her to remember him by was a few houses and a whole lot of money. That really was typically her father. "I don't want it. Sell it, give it away, or keep it yourself."
"Samantha, I couldn't do that besides how will you live? Don't you want not to have to worry about paying your bills or..."
Samantha looked across the table to a man that had more than once showed her kindness. "Ben, it's hard for me to explain to someone else, but all of my life my father gave me money so I could buy whatever I wanted. But all the money in the world can never buy whets really important."
"Why don't you just keep enough money to pay for your tuition."
"My mother left me a trust fund when she died, so I will have enough money to finish school."
"Samantha, what about putting some of the money in savings accounts for your children?"
Samantha stood up, "Don't worry about that. When I have children, I'm going to give them something that will last longer and do them more good than money ever will."
"What's that?"
"More love and attention than they can possibly comprehend." Samantha shook the man's hand and walked out the door.
Two days later Samantha laid in bed thinking. She knew that she should be upset or even grieving, but she wasn't the least bit upset. The only thing she could feel was an enormous sense of relief. relief that her father could no longer hurt her, or keep her away from the people she loved and that loved her back.
At that thought, Samantha sat straight up in the bed. Her father was dead, their was nothing keeping her here. Nothing keeping her from going back to Buffalo. Nothing to keep her from John.
Samantha grabbed the phone beside the bed and dial information. After getting the number to the airport, Samantha waited for the automated operator to finish
"Los Angeles International airport," the teller answered.
"I would like to get a ticket for the first flight that you have leaving for Buffalo, New York."
Samantha could her the clicking sound as the teller keyed in the information Samantha had just given her. "Ma'am the first flight for Buffalo leaves tomorrow at 11:45 am. would you like to reserve a seat?"
"Yes" Samantha nearly shouted.
"Is that round trip or one way?"
"One way"
"One way to Buffalo, New York, leaving, tomorrow, January 20, will be $385. Do you want to charge it or pay when you pick up your ticket?"
Samantha gave the woman her credit card number then preceded to roll out of bed and begin packing. She new she couldn't take everything in her apartment so she only packed two bags and a carry on for the plane. Samantha thought about calling Artie but decided to call John instead.
"Hey man you here?" Robby asked opening the door of John's apartment.
"Be right out," John said from the bedroom. "What are we doing tonight."
"Well, this being your last night as a single man and all, I thought you, me, and mike could do something."
John came out of the bedroom. His distinctive blonde hair going in all directions. "That's cool."
"You ready?" Robby asked.
"Let's go." John picked up his keys off the table and opened the door. Just as he did the phone rang.
"Let it ring. Whoever it is, it can't be that important. You have a bachelor party to attend," Robby said.
John nodded his head and followed Robby out the door.
Samantha got to the airport at 10:00 the next morning. She picked up her ticket, left her luggage for the baggage claim and waited for her plane to board. She was so excited she could hardly contain herself. She was the first person on the plane when they called her flight for passengers.
John woke up with a slight headache. Too much alcohol is what he chalked it up to. He looked at the clock, it was 11:00. The wedding wasn't until 5:00 and he didn't have to be at the church until 4:00. He showered and dressed in sweats and a pull over shirt. No use in getting dress up until he had too.
Opening his guitar case, John picked up his guitar and began playing. He had promised Carly that he wouldn't take a guitar with them on the honeymoon. That meant an entire week without playing music.
John hadn't expected to start writing any new material, but when he found a chord he like he decided to write it down before he forgot it. Digging around in the small compartment in the top of his guitar case, John found a pen and started feeling for a piece of paper.
Pulling out was he thought was an old flier, John saw that he held the picture of him and Samantha. He knew he should put it away, that the last thing he needed was to see her beautiful face today;but he just couldn't make himself turn loose of the picture.
John studied the photograph for several minutes. His mind drifted back to that night of the concert. Samantha hadn't known anything about the Rolling stones. She hadn't even wanted to go, until he convinced her that he wanted her to. Shaking his head, as if it would get rid of all those memories John stuffed the picture back in the guitar case.
Samantha didn't believe the plane was ever going to land. It had to circle around twice before finally landing. She didn't want to seem impatient, but she nearly knocked a flight attendant to the floor trying to get off the plane.
She went to the baggage claim and waited for what seemed an eternity before she recognized her luggage. No one knew she was in Buffalo yet, so no one was there to pick her up. That was okay with her, she couldn't wait to see John standing in front of her again. She got in the first taxi she found outside the airport and told him the address to John's apartment.
John dressed carefully. Carly had asked that he do something with his hair for their wedding. He did what he could, but mostly his hair did what it wanted. Sliding his jacket into place, John heard a knock at the door.
"Ready for your big day?" Robby asked, when John opened the door.
"Ready or not, here it comes," John said, as he grabbed his bag, walking out the door.
John, Robby and Mike all waited in a small room reserved for the groom at the back of the church. It was on the opposite end as the bride to be. Carly had insisted that they follow all of the pre-wedding traditions. She said the last thing she wanted was bad luck before they said 'I do.'
Forgetting about the cab driver's fee or her luggage, Samantha race up the front steps and through the door of the apartment. She knocked on John's door waiting for him to answer. When he didn't she knocked harder. Still, no one answered.
Samantha asked an elderly lady if John Rzeznik still lived in the apartment. She told her no one new had moved in, so she assumed he still lived there.
Samantha was disappointed that he wasn't home. She walked back outside where the cab driver was still waiting. "Lady, I was about ready to come find you. You forgot to pay your bill."
"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I was so excited to be back that I completely forgot."
"That's all right, you can pay me now."
"Actually can you drive me someplace else? My friend wasn't home."
"That's my job," the taxi driver replied. Samantha gave him directions to Artie's place and hoped she would have better luck there.
This time when the cab pulled over Samantha had calmed down enough to remember to pay the man and get her bags. Samantha knock on Artie's door, and waited for him to open it. He didn't. "Where is everyone?" Samantha said, out loud, but she was only talk to herself. Reaching up over the door frame she found the spare key Artie always left there. She unlocked the door, and set her bags inside.
Nothing in the apartment had changed. It still looked exactly the same as it had two years ago. She took her bags upstairs and laid them on the bed. She went back downstairs, looking for something that might tell her where every one was. Once again, she found nothing.
Samantha was not usually an impatient person, but today she couldn't help herself. She had to know why no one was home. Samantha dialed Anna's number and talked to her mom. Anna no longer lived with them, but she had an apartment close to the college.
Samantha dial the number Anna's mother had given her. "Hello"
"Anna?"
"Samantha? Oh my god where are you?"
"I here, in Buffalo."
"When did you get in? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"
"I just got here. Nobody knew I was coming. I didn't even know myself until last night," Samantha told her
"I have missed you so much."
"I have missed you too, Anna. Do you know where Arite is?"
"Are you here for the wedding?"
"What wedding?" Samantha asked.
"You don't know?" Anna asked fearfully. "I guess that's where Artie is."
"Is it today?" Samantha asked
"Yes, at 5:00."
Samantha looked at the clock on the microwave, it was 4:30. If she left now she could still make it. "Anna, what church is it?"
"It's St. Michael's, but do you really think you should go?"
"Anna, of course I'm going to go. I wouldn't miss Artie's wedding for the world. I'll call you later."
"No, Samantha, wait, it's not Artie's wedding," but the line was already dead.
Samantha raced up stairs and put on the first dress she pulled out of her bag. I was an off white dress with flowers on it. She grabbed her sandals and ran out the door. Sandals in hand, Samantha ran toward St. Michael's church hoping she made it in time.
John took his place at the end of the isle. he watched as Kristen walked down the isle, escorted by Mike; followed by Janet and Robby. Next the congregation stood and the pianist started the wedding march.
The back doors of the church opened, and their stood Carly on her father's arm. They took their time walking down the isle. Her dress was big and extravagant. Nothing Samantha would have chosen. John pushed that thought to the back of his mind. There was no use in dwelling over something he couldn't have.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."
John leaned down and brushed his lips lightly over Carly's. John and Carly turned for everyone to see them as the minister said, "Ladies and gentlemen I give you Mr. and Mrs. John Rzeznik."
Samantha could see that the ceremony had already began. She quietly opened the door at the back of the church, and let herself in. She stopped to watch Artie kiss the bride, only it wasn't Artie. John was the one doing the kissing.
John looked over to Robby and saw his always present smile in place. Looking over the crowd, John waited for the music to begin so they could walk up the isle. It was then that John saw the girl he had so often dreamed about over the past two years, standing at the back of the church. He saw Samantha.
John and Carly turned for everyone to see them as the minister said, "Ladies and gentlemen I give you Mr. and Mrs. John Rzeznik."
Samantha knew the moment John saw her. She thought she could almost hear him take in a breath. He was as surprised to see her standing in the church as she was to see him married.
John eyes met Samantha's and held them. He could see there was a single tear sliding down her cheek. He hadn't even noticed that the pianist had started playing until Carly nudged him to start walking.
As John and his new bride started getting closer, Samantha retreated and went out the door before anyone but John noticed her.
Once outside, Samantha ran. She ran as far and as fast as she could. She never thought another feeling could be worse than the one she felt when she and John had been separated, but she was wrong.
Anna nearly ran her over when Samantha bolted into the street without looking. She had run far enough away from the church to for John not to see her. She stopped when she saw Anna getting out of the car.
"Oh Samantha, I tried to tell you , but you had already hung up the phone."
"You knew he was getting married?"
"Yes, all of Buffalo has been talking about it for weeks. If I would have known where you were I would have called you. I'm so sorry." Anna led Samantha to the passenger side of the car, and helped her get in.
John wanted so badly to run after Samantha when he saw her leave the church, but he couldn't. Not without a hundred people knowing he had skipped out on his wedding day to comfort his ex-girlfriend. What was she doing here? How did she know about the wedding? Thousands of questions spun around in John's mind, so many they were making him dizzy.
John and Carly posed for the wedding pictures. A process that seemed to take longer than it should. John pulled at the tie around his neck, wishing it didn't feel as tight as a noose.
"Stop fidgeting," Carly whispered, before the photographer snapped yet another picture.
"How many more pictures is this guy going to take?"
"He just wants to make sure we have enough pictures to remember this day for the rest of our lives," Carly whispered, still smiling for the camera.
The reception wasn't much better than the pictures. It seemed to drag on forever. When John pulled Carly's garter belt off, his mind was so far away that he threw it in the wrong direction.
When Carly went to change clothes, John told her he had forgotten his bag and was going to run to the apartment to pick it up.
"The plane leaves in an hour."
"I will be there, I promise." He gave her a peck on the cheek and was out the door.
Robby caught John outside the church. "Little late to try and ditch your bride."
"Robby I need to borrow your car."
"What for, Carly hasn't even changed yet. Besides the limo is...."
"Sam was here. She was standing at the back of the church. I've got to talk to her before I go."
Robby was stuned by John's news, but continued to follow him to the parking lot. "John, maybe Samantha needs to deal with the fact that you're married before she sees you again. I am sue this isn't the way she pictured your reunion."
"Rob, that's why I need to talk to her."
Robby reluctantly gave John his keys. John had no idea where to start looking for Samantha. He went to Artie's but if she was there she didn't answer the door. He went to Rainbow, but it wasn't even open yet. Next he went to Anna's house, but her mom told her she didn't live there anymore. she did tell him that Samantha had called earlier looking for Anna.
John followed the directions to Anna's apartment. Anna had a tag on the front of her car with her name on it, so he knew she was there. He prayed to god that Samantha was with her. He knocked on the door and waited for and answer.
Anna opened the door, but just barely. "John, now's not a good time."
"Anna, I need to talk to her, please."
John didn't give her time to think he pushed his way past her and into the apartment. He didn't see any signs of her in the living area, so he walked toward the back. The first door he came to was a bathroom and it was empty. The next was a closet that was crammed full of linens. The last room John guessed had to be Anna's bedroom. He knocked on the door, but didn't wait for an answer.
Samantha knew John was behind her before he said anything. She was standing at Anna's window although she couldn't look out because the blinds were shut and the curtains were drawn.
"Sam," John said, to get her attention. When she didn't acknowledge him John asked, "Sam, will you please look at me?" Still she didn't turn. John walked to the window and turned her around to face him. Her face was streaked with tears although she wasn't crying anymore.
John didn't know what to say. How was he suppose to make this better? Make this easier for her? For him. "Sam, I didn't mean...."
Samantha cut him off saying, "About eight months ago I was standing at my window one night looking out over the park. It was dark and I couldn't make out but the shadows of objects. When a car passed by I saw you standing across the street watching me. For a while I thought I had made it all up, that it was my mind playing tricks on me; but it was you wasn't it?"
"Yes." It was said barely at a whisper.
Her emerald eyes now burned into his, "Why did you leave before I got outside? I ran outside knowing it was you I saw, and you weren't there."
"I thought you were....." he stopped. He didn't want to say that he had been jealous of the other man in her apartment. Jealous that he was getting to spend time with her, watching her develop and grow. He had been so jealous of that stranger that it had kept him up night after night. Wondering if he was touching her, caressing her, making love to her the way he use to do.
"You what, John? Why did you leave before you saw me?"
"I did see you Sam."
"No, I mean before you really saw me; before you said anything to me."
"I thought you had moved on with your life. I didn't want to remind you of a life you had left behind."
"I didn't leave you behind John. I always carried you around with me right here," Samantha said, placing his hand over her heart.
John could feel her heart beating under his hand. "I'm sorry. If I had only known that you saw me that night."
Samantha took a deep breath. She pushed his hand that was still over her heart away. "What are you doing here, it your wedding day. You should be with your bride."
"I wanted to make sure you were all right."
"I'm fine." Samantha gave him her best smile, but she knew John could see right through it. "I think you need to go be with your wife. Please tell her congratulations and I wish you both the best."
"Sam, you don't have to say that."
Samantha looked into the blue sea of John eyes that she had lost herself in so many times. "John, all I have ever wanted was for you to be happy. She obviously makes you happy or you wouldn't have married her, so go to her. She is waiting."
"Sam, what about you?"
"I will be fine. You surprised me when I walked into that church today, that's for sure. But if you are happy, I'm happy for you. I told you when I left that you should move on with you life, and you have, so don't look back."
John walked through the airport looking for Carly. She was waiting by the gate, their flight was already boarding. They found their seats and got settled. John took the window seat so he could say he was looking at the clouds when Carly asked what he was thinking, and he knew she would. She always did. But she wouldn't really want to know what he was thinking because if she did, it would break her heart.
Samantha had been so sincere when she told him she was happy for him. He knew that she meant it. Samantha was not the kind of person to say things she didn't mean. It was one of the things John loved about her. She hadn't even been mad about him marrying Carly, in fact, she was happy for him.
John had moved on with his life because he thought Samantha had given up on him, on them; but it was John that had made the mistake up giving up too soon. He was the one that had given up on Samantha, given up on them. How could he live with himself, and with a mistake he would regret everyday for the rest of his life?
"I live here."
"You know what I mean. I thought you were going to be gone for a few weeks."
Samantha went into her bedroom and set her bags out before her. She opened each of them and began to unpack. "Things didn't go the way I had planned them to."
Alex had followed her down the hall and was watching her unpack. "Was Mr. Wonderful not there?"
"He was there," Samantha answered. She was still trying to distract herself by folding and hanging her clothes she unpacked.
"Then what was the problem? I thought you guys were destined to be together," Alex said, holding up the picture Samantha kept beside her bed of her and John.
Samantha looked at what he was holding before taking it from him and placing it face down on the night stand. "Forever is not as long as it use to be."
Completely baffled by Samantha's riddle, Alex asked, "What does that mean?"
"It means I waited to late."
"Oh, I get it. There was another girl."
Samantha turned around with a pair of blue socks and a sweater in her hand. "Not just another girl, his wife."
"Mr. Wonderful is married?"
"He is now," Samantha tossed over her shoulder before leaving the bedroom. She went into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water.
Like an ever faithful puppy, Alex was right behind her. "How did you find out he was married."
"It wasn't too hard. When I saw the preacher, guests and a woman in a wedding dress; I sort of figured it out."
"You mean you saw him get married?"
Samantha plopped down onto a nearby stool. "Yep, I walked right in on the wedding. Thank goodness, no one but John noticed me; but that was bad enough."
"So you talked to him?"
Taking a drink of her water, Samantha nodded her head.
"What did he say?"
"What could he say, Alex, he was married?"
"I thought maybe, he explained or would say something as to why he told you he would wait for you and marry another woman."
"Alex, it wasn't like that. I was the one that told him to find someone else, not to wait. He was only doing as I asked."
"But you're still angry about it."
Samantha thought about that. Was she angry with John for moving on with his life? "No, I'm not angry, just disappointed."
"How was Hawaii?" Robby asked when John and his new bride came into John's apartment. Carly and John had decided to stay in the apartment for a while. They saw no need in buying a house when they would be gone most of the time.
"We had so much fun. It rained the first day we landed so I wanted to stay in our room; but John had other ideas. He said we should go out and sight see in the rain."
John heard everything Carly was saying to Robby, but he wasn't paying attention to the conversation. The reason he had wanted to go out in the rain is he didn't think he would be able to stay in the confinement of their room alone together without saying something to hurt Carly's feelings. She still didn't know that he had see and spoken with Samantha on their wedding day and he didn't want her to. Afterall, it wasn't her fault that he couldn't stop these feelings he had for Samantha.
.
"I'm going to start unpacking. I'm sure John is ready to have another man around to talk to." Carly had been expecting John to say no, she was the only one that he ever wanted around; and to pick her up and kiss her. But he didn't; in fact he didn't even look like he heard her. The smile only slightly dimmed when she turned and made her way toward the bedroom.
"So man, what do you think of married life?"
"It's about the same."
John went over to the window and opened it. Stepping onto the fire escape he wondered how many times he had seen Samantha standing in the very same place.
Robby came out behind him. "Okay, now tell me what's on your mind."
"Hawaii, was good."
"Yeah, I'm sure it was, but I doubt you even remember anything you did. From the distant look on your face now, you probably aren't even listening to me."
"I hear you, Robby."
"Yeah you hear me, but you aren't listening. You are too busy bruiting over Samantha."
Hearing her name out loud prompted John to turn and look at Robby. "I saw her."
Robby noded, "I figured you would. How was she?"
"She was happy for us. Even though I know I broke her heart, she told me that as long as I was happy, she was happy for me."
"That sounds like something Samantha would say."
The corners of John's mouth twitched upward, "Yeah, it does."
Robby let John think a few more moments on Samantha before saying, "John, you have talked to Samantha. You know she wishes you well. Now, you have no reason not to put her behind you and start a good life for yourself."
"It's not that easy to do."
"Yes it is," Robby pronounced. "You just married a wonderful woman that is head over heals in love with you, despite your infatuation with another woman. Now get your act together and start trying to build a life for yourself..
Carly had come back into the living room to get the other bag she had forgotten when she heard John and Robby talking on the fire escape. She wasn't going to listen but when she heard Robby say, "You are too busy bruiting over Samantha," she could help but listen.
So John had seen her. Not only had he seen her, he had been with her on their wedding day. The day that was suppose to be held sacred for all of eternity. Carly retreated back into the bedroom. She tried not to think about John's behavior while they were in Hawaii, but after hearing him talk about her how could she not?
John had always seemed distant since she first met him, but on their honeymoon Carly noticed it even more. He had seemed with drawn and heavy-hearted. When Carly had asked why he acted this way, he told her he was still adjusting to married life. Now she knew that he had been thinking about Samantha.
Tears came into Carly's eyes, but she dashed them away before they fell. How was she suppose to build a life with John if he wouldn't meet her halfway. More over, how was she suppose to compete with a woman she hadn't even met.
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