THE EVIL DEAD

<BODY BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" text="#000000"> <CENTER><H1>The Evil Dead</H1></CENTER> <P>Ha Ha Your Browser sucks...get a good one OR click here for <a href=" "> sections </a> and here for <a href="index.html">info </a> The Evil Dead are quite a bunch of evil dead punk fellows, they enjoy watching movies in their garage such as the evil dead, the evil dead 2, and the most punk of all army of darkness starring bruce campbell who is also the king of theives on the beutifully apolstered Xena the Warrior Princess whom (let's face it) has quite the rack and if you want to look for nude pics of her in erotic poses you have (unfortunetly) come to the wrong site, something tells me that geocities would not smile upon that sort of thing in their garage as geocites has guite the reputation to uphold and thus no porn, smut, amature pics or pictures of naked spice girls having sex with farm animals like really well hung sheep and cows would ever, under any circumstances be aloud (neither would pics of people being circumcised however I'm not entirely sure as to why you would want to see that in the first place) what's more her tallented co-star renee o'connor (whom is about as far away from punk as you can get) or is it o'conner or is it o'conners or o'connors oh well anyways I'm sure Bruce Campbell of hte Evil dead movies has laid her cause let's face it he's damn well hung you can see his bulge in the evil dead 2 I swear, anyways The evil dead are a bunch of punk kids from teh suburbs of campbell river who play ass rippling garage rock ie punk or hessian metal rock you know the sort of bass heavy asskicking music that the majority of punx and hessian hair shakers like to rock out too on a daily basis and listen to as they eat dorito's and cheezies (how punk huh?) moshing is also a fun activity to do while listening to the evil dead however it is not advised (unless you are moshing in your garage cause there's rarely anything dangerous in a garage ) nor is stage diving encouraged cause stage diving is hard to do without a stage and if your in your garage listening to punk music and dancing around or moshing if you well then there invitably won't be a stage regardless i'd like to take this time to tell you about my friend ryan yardley, (whom is not a punk nor does he listen to garage rock) he's hungry, ugly, unbathed and in need of new clothes (on second thought maybe he is a punk ) so if any of you internet yahoo s out there are looking for a dirty ugly and smelly runt of a bastard (quasi punk maybe?) to feed and clothe and have oral sex with then write him at yes I am very naked and have no clothing on because I'm nude and in teh buff in erotic possitions punk garage rock punk @ hot chicks are punks too dot com anyways you'll find wav files and sound files of our garage rock and punk tunes and the like if your looking for mp3s of our garage rock and punk tunes you came to the wrong place but come on in anyways and you know what would be cool an audio file of jodie foster haveing sex with bruce willis but you won't find that here so fuck off oh yeah what's more the evil dead are not will not be and have never been nudists however if you are a nudist and would like to convert us to nudism and are a cute female between the ages of 14 and 19 (not necicarily a punk ) please send the evil dead your foto or photo or whatever it is you have so that's 14 15 16 17 18 or 19 but if you're over the age of 87 you qualify too cause that's just cool and the evil dead would like to fully support your decistion to be naked damn it I can't spell decision (how punk is that?)is that it I dunno so if you know how to spell desision propperly then emale the evil dead at the_evil_dead@hotmail.com oh and that's joe balogh the drummer of the evil dead email address if you'd like to reach another member of the evil dead then send me (peter utgaard)(kinda punk kinda garage rocker kinda hessian hair shaker) a letter at mr_surplus@hotmail.com or send greg89@hotmail.com a letter too cause I'm sure he's lonely oh and if you really really really want to feed my starving friend ryan yardley (whom is not a member of the ass kicking garage rock combo the evil dead but possibly still a punk but just via dirtyness) you can mail him at mystereo_jr@hotmail.com now by this time you've probably figured out that alot of memebers of hte evil dead and alot of people known by members of the evil dead use hotmail and that's for one reason: We're lazy and if bill gates wants to rule the world we say so be it cuase then we won't have to think and we hail our new dork overlord bill gates and we will play at your wedding funeral or sexual events anytime we will not play at your barmitsfa cause I dont' know how to spell it regardless the evil dead would like to take this time to give a shout out to other campbell river punk bands like Dr Molesto and the Perverts in Power you see their front man (we dont' have one cause it's dumb and I want to get some of the chicks too) anyways their front man (joesuf paling) is right here next to be and nagging me to put things about him so let's see here The Perverts in Power have been around for about 8 months (the evil dead have been around for 1 year and a half amost 2 but we're not talking about hte evil dead right now we're talking about dr molesto and the perverts in power) anyways so they play sort of old school punk but in a different way than we do but that's mostly due to joesufs inability to sing you see jess and charlie and well not ben but jess and charlie can really play their instruments well (where as with us josh and myself admittedly can't sing but it's ok cause no one in our band with the possible exception of jm can't play either so it sort of all works out we can't play we can't write we can't sing and we're dorky looking so that creates our sound and that is the sound of hte music of hte evil dead) anyways back to the sound of hte music the punk music in fact of dr molesto and the perverts in power you see the perverts in power (actually I'd like to take this time to say that joseph paling(dr molesto and the perverts in power's lead singer)'s name is not in fact dr molesto, contrarily his name is actually josuf paling not dr molesto dispite what the name implys sort of the same dead as hooti and the blowfish as just the other day I found out that hooti's name is not actually hooti it's actually something else, it's actually brian warner but brian or hootie his music still sucks anyways dr molest is good right anyways so the perverts in power which is represented by the rest of the band or as some would put it the whole band minus dr molesto (and I would like to remind you that his name is not actually dr molesto it is in fact joesuf paling) so the rest of the band or the Perverts in Power are charlie and Jess and Ben but ben's a homo (not that there's anything wrong with that I happen to like homo's but in this case he happens to be a dork and dickhead and a general dumb bastard on top of being a homo) which reminds me of an interesting story the person I bought my house from or I should say my parents bought this house from someone who was actually gay I was impressed with the amount of literature that my evil dead trained eyes observed on teh subject of homosexuality 3 books to tell the truth holy homosexuals the homosexual bible and making homosexual relationships work so I found that interesting well if you want to become a fan of the evil dead then you have to call yourself a ted head cause you see the evil dead is the name of my band and the first letter of those words (The evil dead) are t e and d and that spells ted we would call them dead heads but the greatful dead have already got that one (damn them) so damn it by the way if your looking for the greatful dead so are we but they won't return our calls oh well so dead you suck! oh one more thing if you want to call dr molesto I mean josuf paling his number is 1-250-285-2538 and he'll be happy to engage in phone sex with you but remmebr it isn't real fone sex unless your masturbating other wise it's just talking dirty to someone on the fone and what the hell's the point of that anyways the evil dead endorse fone sex fully and we hope to see more people of all ages paracticeing this age old ritual now another thing I should probably talk about is another local campbell river punk band named Bliss now Bliss is a different kind of punk than say Dr Molesto and the Perverts in Power and the evil dead but that's ok gabba gabba hey as the ramones used to say we accept you they are much cleaner more like millencollin or a fat wreck chords band than say the forgotton rebels or black flag as I'd like to think of Dr Molesto and the Perverts in Power and my band the evil dead see their more clean and we're more dirty and disgusting and slimy and that's ok cause shane their drummer is a good friend of mine nad a hyper little bastard and he went out with my drummer's sister and probably saw her naked and felt her up and shit and then dumped her cause he's a fuck and it pisses me off cause that girlie has gotten a bad time now don't tell no one I said this cause as far as anyone is concerned I don't give a fuck cause nik's really pretty and doesn't really deserve sympathy nor does she want it I have a feeling and I'm trying to not be annoyed or nothing but it's no good cause she's a sweet girl and he screwed her around if you ask me but I gotta rememebr it's none of my buisness but htis is the second time she's had this done to her she went out with my guitarist and co-vocalist josh of the evil dead and he went out with her just as shane of bliss did and dumped her just as shane did for his exgirlfriend just as shane did and in both cases the exgirlfriend was a skinny chick who jerked the guy around but still it's not excuse and I genuinely hope that nikki finds a guy who's nobel and isn't a friend of her brother's and doesn't have skinny ex-girlfrind but don't get me wrong here it's not that I don't like josh's (of the evil dead I might remind you) ex girlfriend cause I really do her name is jessica roberts and she is or I should say was a good friend of mine but I suppose we grew apart we met actually on the local boards or bbs whichs is a spawning ground for dorks and nerds and even a few punk ass mother fuckers but we never met them we met jessica whom has probably never been in a garage nor listened to ass rippling garage rock except for us of course (the evil dead) whom don't have the confidence to venture out into the global dork comunity of the internet as the evil dead now have and I met her via an argument with her best friend the ever beutiful Nicole Burrus and teh argument was about sailor moon or something I can't remember well I can but I don't think I should go into it or ok fine I'll tell you about nicole in a bit but for now this member of the evil dead is going to talk about jessica now jess and I met when I was downtown to meet nicole for the first time and of course nic couldn't do or say much cause yeah anyways and we met and the her and josh started going out and that went on and off and on and off and then the incident I detailed about nikki happened and about that time the evil dead were formed anyways through this all me and jess somehow became friends and we continued to talk even after her and josh broke up if you want to get an idea of what jess is like when she's at her best then there should be a write up somewhere on this page I gave it to joe to upload on to htis evil dead page and apic of here but I dunno if he'll do it anyways there's a pic of nic with me next to here here someone she's so hot compared to me it's hilarious anyways and jess of course has really bad taste in men josh obviously and trendy (who's just an obsessive dork) before him then Damian (who was cute but dumb) and kevbo (who's just an asshole) and then Ryan Bell (you'd have to meet the guy) and now Tyson Hicks (ok now imagine what a guy named Tyson Hicks looks liek and this is the guy, cowboy hat, cowboy boots, stunned expression you know the type yeah that's him real generic horse rustler) anyways she's all mad at me now becuase I made fun of ol' clint and I had made fun of Ryan Bell before him and I dunno i think she might be depressed but I don't know entirely why she's never been the most open person but she's had problems before she was pretty screwed up when she was dating josh and I think she's pretty depressed she's beutiful and she's smart but I think if you look over a world view of the history smart beutiful people and I think you'll find most of htem are pretty depressed I never got that I'd give up half my life to be beutiful but htis memeber of the evil dead doesn't have that option regardless she's finnally done what she's always wanted to which is move up and out of the circle of losers slackers and misfits that she was hanging aroun dwith before (the evil dead) and she nwo is constantly surrounded by beutifuly people all the time (not that nicole wasn't beutiful but her other friends sure weren't!) these new friends may not be the most interesting conversationalists but hey it's not like I have a lot to say either right? anyways dispite the fact that she's moved on I still worry about her I think she feels pressured by everyone and I always tried to let her know that I didn't give a shit what she was like I enjoyed her company and now that it is gone it is sorely missed and I cared about her alot and she was probably the closest thing to a sister I've ever had and she's been the inspiration for most of the songs I write(GOTCHA!!!!) oh that was good no no no serious but punk garage rock are the most important things here of fuck it I'm gonna get off track now as you've guessed I'm a fairly attached kind of guy now jessica roberts isn't the one I didn't fall head over heels in love with (well I didn but in a different way) so now I suppose I should tell you about nicole burrus (a quick reminder listen to the evil dead!) Now nicole is petit to say the least she small skinny but beutiful and I met her as I said without ever meeting her and as most peopel know this is a fairly dumb thing to do but in this case as fate worked out the person on the other side of th chat room telling me they were a pretty young blonde was not a 45 year old hairy fat man named clifford it was in fact exactly whom she claimed to be and being 14 and impressionable I fell in love with this girl now supposably as legend when she too cared for me alot but let's stick to what we know and that's that dispite anything I am not a very proactive person nor am I a very confident person so thus I found it very hard to act on anything and I still do but regardless time passed and it turned out she was going out with my then best friend trevor murray *laughs* of course in hindsight it's pretty funny and juvinile but at the time it was a serious deal and poor trevor got ostrisised fromt eh groop oh well fuck him anyways that sen me into one hell of a depression and I turned inot one of those marilyn manson freaks and it was pretty fun left me with more scars than I'd like tho but i slowly became more and more well adjusted but somethings never change and 3 years went by nd I sit here typing htis now at 17 and she still has my number I've never been one for getting on with my life oh well someday I'll win her heart *G* trust me anyways back to why your here (I hope) and that's for information on the evil dead and I'm sure someday there will be part of the page that will tell you about hte early years of teh evil dead but since there isn't one here I'll tell you abou the evil dead myself now it all started in 1997 (it's now 1998 approaching 1999) a bunch of bored punk ass mother fuckers get together actually that's not true Josh has wanted have a band since he was like in grade 8 or 9 or something but it's not that easy to get one apperently but in the summer on 97 he talks me into buying a bass or at least a verbal comitment that should we find a drummer I'll buy one which is probably a fairly safe thing to do cause drummers (with kits) are hard to find so thus the evil dead were preverbily screwed up the ass then as luck would have it a new kid came to school he had a bowl cut and all the kids called him Joeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy which was really annoying to me even and I my name wasn't even joe anyways his sister (nikki you remember her sweet girl whom's more like a neo hippie than a punk but she does listen to bad religion so who knows right of course bad religion sucks their boring and stale and all their songs sound the same unlike the ass rippleing garage rock I'm used to) liked josh (I have no idea why at the time he had long hair nad bad acne (as did I) and at least at school no personality however as fate would bring the evil dead together nikki decided she like josh (as josh walked in front of htem to school everyday) and joe was in two of my classes figured out I was friends with him and approached me about hte matter it sounded like fun to me so we went about setting them up in the process became friends with joey (or as we cristened him: joe) anyways on our first visit to joe's house we walked into his spare room (which would become our practice room) and we saw the most beutiful thing in the world a drum kit. not a good drum kit by any means but a drum kit none the less and the band was formed... almost... because I'm a sociopath (sp?) I decided I needed another friend and there was this guy in my french class (a french class of which I was removed and that started a long and proud history for me of being removed from key courses forcefully) anyways there was this guy in my french class named jimmy and he was quite and stuff and he's one of those quite guys that no one really knows who he is and I am one of those loud abnoxious ugly people whom everyone knows who they are so we hit it off immediately sort of... well regardless I draged him into our circle of friends now jim's a big guy (not tall in fact he's a dwarf) but he's muscular and strong so we figured (myself josh and joe) that he'd make a good lead singer so we approached him about it and after a bit of harrassing he aggreed to join the evil dead however the fat bastard bought a guitar and suddenly we had a second guitarist instead of a lead singer but that's ok cause it turned out he's a way better guitar player than singer anyways and now I get to sing (hooray) anyways dispite all this the evil dead still didn't have a name, and after (as you might suspect) viewing the movie the evil dead and loving it and watching one or two more times josh propose we name the band The Evil Dead (I had been adament that we have a The Somethings name and I was satisfied with that) so thus we agreed to call the band the evil dead at least for the time being before we could thing of something better than the evil dead and you know what because of years of television and internet abuse (not to mention our fair share of drugs and alchohal) we never did think of anything better. But regardless that's all I can think of for now so if you found this little manifesto then I'm hat's off too you and I have new found respect for you as a human being, and if you read the whole damn thing from top to bottom then I owe you a coke. and as a final word remember to support your local scene and buy lots of evil dead crap. Sincerely the Basist of the evil dead: Peter Utgaard (Mr_Surplus@hotmail.com) </BODY>