I kept on walking, I didn't know where I was heading, or at least, tried to convince myself I didn't know, but my destination was very obvious. Walking through a clearing of trees, I finally saw it-- it being the house of Brian...
I stood there watching it, I don't know why, but i just kept on staring at it, swallowing every little corner of it. My knees felt weak against my body, and I willingly brought them down, sitting down on the smooth, cold ground.
I stayed there for the longest time, until I heard the door opening, and I could see a figue coming out... It was Brian, and he froze when he saw me. I kept on staring at him, and the realization of me sitting there finally hit me.
He didn't say anything for a second, he just kept on looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes of his, which had first brought me to love him. I was expecting to hear something, an apology, a good excuse of why he had let my hopes down, at why he lied to me...
But he didn't, he didn't say a word, and I watched in amazement as he walked past me, as if nothing had happened, as if I wasn't there, totally ignoring me...
I could feel the stinging tears in my eyes as I turned around to watch him leave. I had come for the truth, and in some strange and hurtful way I got it...
He stopped, though, and I could see his body shaking. I wanted to scream, let him know how I felt, that I was still here and that he couldn't go on ignoring me like that...
He turned around slowly and faced me, and I could see the start of tears in his own eyes. That totally broke my heart, but I had to show I didn't care because he had hurt me so much... "Tamy..." he began with a soft whisper. He didn't go on, and I couldn't stand it any longer, if he wasn't going to say anything, I sure was.
"Brian, how could you do this to me? How could you leave me standing there, all night, waiting for you!" I shouted, my words sounding hurtful in my own ears. "Next time, don't ever kiss me the way you did yesterday morning, show so much love-- if you don't even mean it..." I said bitterly.
"You don't understand..." he began, his voice breaking, and I would have yelled back at him then had I not been touched by his sensitivity... "I wasn't sure whether what I was doing was really the right thing, whether I really do deserve you..." I softened up, and asked, "But why do you say that? Why do you keep on thinking that?"
He got closer to me, and sat down beside me, holding my hand. "Tamy, I don't want to hurt you, and I'm afraid I will if I die... you deserve someone who can live a long, long time, someone who can be there for you always-"
"Don't say that... you're not going to die..." I argued through tears.
Brian nodded sadly, the tears very visible in his eyes now. "I don't think I can escape this death, Tamy, and I figured out that praying won't save me, either... I guess that had just been my way of having hope, this hope to live... but yesterday, just being with you, showed me that I was going to miss all the beautiful things in life, and there was no hope." He sweetly caressed my cheek, gently wiping away the flood of tears I had, and said, "You're so young, so beautiful... I do not deserve you at all, Tamy... please learn to love someone else..."
"I couldn't..." I whispered, my voice breaking again. "I'll always love you, Brian, and only you..."
He didn't reply, he just pulled me into his arms in a gentle embrace, and together we lay there for a long time, neither of us saying a word, just enjoying each other's sweet company...
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