Tokyo Nights

1/5

As the first sun of 1999 filled the skies with light and began to appear through my 3rd story apartment window, I was just starting to bone this chick I met about 6 hours earlier in a night club. That was how I had hoped the first day would be and to my surprise, it came true! After launching the first wad of 1999, we went to sleep. After waking up and eating a little we did it again. Then after a brief walk outside, went to Meiji Jingu Temple in Harajuku. It was crowded, but interesting and exciting. Later we had a meal. I had Katsu-don. I came home in the evening, called the last girl I had sex with in 1998 and made plans to meet again, and went to sleep. The next day I went to Kamakura, and the next I worked out for free at the fitness center with my friend Brian.

On the Dec 30th, Biker girl went to Hawaii with some guy. Sounds nice. She wouldn't get that from me so how can I blame her. I wouldn't want to spend New Years with her anyway. A-chan went to her family home North of Tokyo. And Brian was up in Misawa (Near Hokkaido) visiting friends. I got horny. I went to the club about 9 PM. About 11 PM Dec 31.we kind of just found each other, she had a good shaped slender cute body and smelled good. She looked friendly, and was phucable. So it worked out. I was rubbing up against her chest like a sailor who had just been out to seas for 6 months and saw a girl for the first time. About 2:30 I said I'm going home, and would she like to go with me. She came.

Now it back to work. I still havn't found a girl I feel like I could get pretty excitied about recently. Maybe I'm getting older. There are plenty of cute girls around. I keep getting 6,7 and 8s when I want a 9 or a 10. I guess if I want 9 or a 10, I have to be one myself. So be a man, be the best man I can be, and keep going. You only live once.

1/6 Biker girl came over last night. She called after coming back from Hawaii. At first I didn't know what to say, I would just listen to what she had to say. She said she had a good time. Since I was going to make a special dinner for myself last night, I asked if she would like to come over. She did. I made a great spegetti dinner. Brocholli, soft salami, great sauce cheese etc. I poured champagne I bought the day before. Then we really banged away. It was fun. I felt great.She looked great. After coming back from Hawaii with that great tan. She told me she had a great time there but the guy she was with was a jerk. Its hard for me to believe that, I mean why would she go to hawaii with a jerk? Just to go to Hawaii. Then she would be a real moocher. She is. But I had good sex and I was lonely, so I let her come over and mooch off me a bit. Does she love me, I think not. Do I love her, No, cause I know she doesn't love me, and probably I couldn't really love her. But I figure we will remain friends.She bought me a pair of underwear.

1/13 Biker girl has been on my mind lately. I have been trying to come up with ways to get her off my mind. I talked with one of my American friends. Arranged some dates with other girls etc. It started because Biker girl was making me feel real good. Made me feel like I was special. But honestly, I am one of many to her. And last weekend when she was over on Sunday, I took off for a date of my own. I felt crummy about that, but it felt like it had to be done. I didn't want to break up my date, I would have resented somebody, me or biker girl, for it. So today I haven't called her since last Sat, and doing what I can to figure out what's best. And I keep hearing a voice in the back of my mind screaming - she's fucking with your mind! You're just one of many! I was number six for a while. Then she said I was one of three. Oh happy me! Fuck no! I know what I want, money, enough that I can leave this shitty fucking job and do anything I want. Bye Bye!

1/14

My mother sent me an email - here is part of it -

always remember what a worthwhile individual you really. are and never sell yourself short in any of your realationships .take it from me It may seem easier in the begining but in the end it is much harder.my spelling is weird because i dont kwhat I am doing . love mom,

I think she is damn right. Biker girl came over last night.She called me for the first time in a while. She came over after her hostess job finished around 1 in the morning. We talked a little, went to bed and had pretty good sex.I really tried hard to make her feel good. I thought I did a good job. In the morning I made a nice little breakfast. But what bothered me is she spoke about her other guy friend. I call him monkeyboy because of his birth year.She told me I am one of three. Maybe its really two because she never talks about number 3. who knows how many guys she getting laid by. I only offer sex, food, room, massage, a listening ear. I think the most I spent on her was 500 yen (5 dollars). But she has eaten a lot of my food, taken showers at my place etc. But with the affection, sex, attention, advice, info, sweet things she has done for me, I don't feel used. Maybe next time she mentions other guys, I should say I don't really want to hear about or care about them. 2nd I was wondering how she felt about me. But, on the other hand, that could lead somewhere I don't really want to go.

I think I have made a good turnaround after being in a bad funk earlier this week. I have lighten up alot. I tried not to let thoughts of her cloud my mind.I talked with other friends, and made some other plans. Tried to keep my mind occupied. I felt much better. Also I felt better after keeping in mind the thought of staying friends rather than trying to get involved deeper. I sense she lightened up too. I did things to let her know I care, but not overboard. I felt very good. the relationship felt like where it should be. And I am not letting her bother me.

1/19 First Tuesday after the Weekend of Sex - Well, Lets see. All I can remember is Biker girl came over on Friday. And we had sex once. That is all I can remember. That day was a national holiday, and I think I made her Tacos. On Saturday, after I finished teaching English in the Afternoon, Hiromi came over. I made a pretty good dinner - rice,bachchoi,mushrooms, soft salami, ham etc.. we ate, drank some sparkling wine and laid around. I guess we weren't ready for sex just yet, so I said lets go see a movie. We went to the theatre but she had seen eveything so we walked around the stores. Then came back. We had pretty nice sex. Actually it was really nice. Much better feeling and much much much longer than the last time. last time was a disaster - regarding sex anyway. We did many positions and she came twice, maybe three times. Then we fell asleep.Then I woke up around 3 or 4 and we had sex again but rougher than the first time that night. She said it hurt, but during sex she didn't say anything. I liked banging her from behind. This girl is hard to understand, maybe she doesn't want to be understood( later she told me she was Scorpio, and I read later Scorpios don't want to be understood). She acts like a little girl, but she is not a idiot. Whatever, I first thought maybe we could be friends, but I think there is a problem somewhere. Like we can't talk. I couldn't talk with her very easily, and that bothered me.She left Sunday morning after a walk around the river.

Right after I saw I got a call from Biker girl, which was nice. I called her back and she asked what I was doing. I went to her place, rented a video and bought some bread on the way. We enjoyed. I was kind of sexed out, so we didn't.But we cuddled alot. That felt good.

Last night I called A-chan and we talked for about an hour.I spoke with my guy friends about going to Wild Blue Yokohama - a indoor water park. And I talked with the girl I met New Years Eve. She wanted to see me again. She called me a couple of times. I called back and we arranged for her to come over next Saturday night. Sheesh. Maybe I need to give myself a break from girls?

I got a email from K, the one girl who has fucked my mind up pretty good. But the one I still like. I sent her a nice message before Christmas thanking her for the nice times we had last year. Even if all we did was just have dinner and talk, it still felt good. I wanted to bang her so so sooooo bad, but we never even held hands. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe I like her because we didn't need sex to enjoy being with each other. But I was never courageous enough to straight kiss her. Oh well. I sent her this crazy message back. And havn't heard from her since. matter of fact I deleted her phone number from my phone so that I would stop thinking of her. I don't think we'll ever meet again. I enjoyed her company, but it was maddening not to be able to get closer.It stopping probably saved my senses.

1/20

Biker girl came over last night. I called her about 9 and said she could come over if she wanted to, it was scattered rain. She's working at a Hostess club and doesn't get off until past midnight. At least she says she doesn't get to fresh with the customers at the hostess club. She tells me some customers touch her breasts etc.Honestly why should I care? Its her fucking job, she chose it, why the fuck should I care? I don't know, cause I'm a fuck up.I need a policy on this... Its her stupid ass job, she took, she should take responsibility, if she get used and abused its her own fucking dumb ass fault. she gets paid 3 to 4 thousand yen an hour, had her photo taken so she would appear in all the sleeze mags as a poster girl for this scummy place. She's banging guys left and right... why the fuck am I putting the make on her. Why the fuck am I convinced we are right for each other, why the fuck am thinking about her all the time. I am a fuck up. She wasn't working for that kind of place when I met her. She was a bicycle champ,she won races. She was cool. Now she's into clothes and looking pretty for customers. Fuck I'm stupid. Last night she came over about 3, I had rice made for her. We hopped in bed. She sucked worked my dick until I came in her mouth. That felt great. I don't ever remember getting that done before. Then after about 2 and half hours of sleep we woke up and went our separate ways - me to work, she to coffee place. The feeling to cook for her, make her feel good etc... is gone. Now I just as well bone her, but after thinking of how I'm number whatever of how ever many I can't ..................

As anyone reading this probably realizes...I need to Chill out.I'm too worked up over this chick.I need to seriously calm down.

I went to where K-chan works. I asked her out for dinner. She said she was going home. I got her phone number, said I'd call and left. I noticed she was nervous as me upon seeing each other again.

1/22

This was not my greatest weekend. On Friday Biker Girl and I were supposed to meet and have some food after I got off work. I guess she was going to call me. She didn't and I kinda took it personally. She called about an hour after we were supposed to meet and said sorry. Could we get together Sat. I said it was Ok, but I had plans Sat. Actually I was going to see the girl I met on New Years Eve. Anyway, I tried to call her the next day,I thought she wasn't returning my calls. I got really down. Finally, the girl I was supposed to meet, came over, she said she called me several tim,es and my phone didn't ring, it would send the call to the answering service. I called the Answering service, and heard that Biker girl left some messages for me. I was so happy. I called her again, got through to her and talked a bit. She didn't seem bugged at all. I spent the evening with the girl I met on New Years Eve. I made a nice dinner, we had pretty nice sex, and she left the next morning. But of course, I really wanted to be with biker girl. I think she thinks I'm Ok. She made me fish and curry rice. She's bought me some nice stuff. Sometimes I feel like shit and sometimes I feel good with her. She makes me feel like shit when she talks about hanging out with other guys, and makes me feel good when she treats me nice.

On second thought why should I be happy she makes me feel better after fucking my mind up in the first place. In the first first place, why do I allow myself to get fucked up! Ahhhh.

I took a risk, I wanted to see if we could get closer. The more we do it got harder not easier. So I guess that means we shouldn't get too serious? I think I try to hard to make girls feel good. I feel like I need to make them happy for me to be happy. That is my problem!

I need to stick with my policy of being the person I want to be, and not trying to make people happy at my expense, because I don't think that makes people happy.

- Don't sell yourself short, be what you think you are worth! -

I went with my friends to WILD BLUE YOKOHAMA, a huge indoor water park. It was a lot of fun. I asked her if she wanted to go, but she said it was her period. She came over last night. I couldn't sleep well, I just wanted to rub her back and make her feel good. I woke up about 3AM and had her suck the juice out of my dick. It felt good, but different from the first time she did that is, this time I was fantasizing about another girl. With that realization I knew there was a problem. With that I felt something was wrong. Is it wrong to fantasize about other people while having sex with another. Tell me that is not wrong.I made her breakfest and we seperated. How can I make this relationship feel better,comfortable, and make it stick. I always have a fear she will just get bored of me or lose interest in me and want to just stop contacting me. Especially with all the friends she has calling her all the time. She told me she found a place in Shinjuku pretty cheap, and said she has made a lot of friends at her hostess job and thinks she can make a lot more. She even participated in a body contest. I can't stand it, that kind of crushed. showing her body off to a bunch of shitty 30-40 old salarymen for money. What the fuck is that. Why don't I just start dating a stripper?

First - watch your money.

1/29 - Basically I took care of Biker girl on the 27th. The night before she said she was going to come over but she didn't. She told me later that she had starting feeling sick and didn't come. Who knows. She came over the next night. I made food etc. I don't remember too much. I said something to her like I wnt to stay being friends. I said that because I didn't like the emotional rollar coaster I was going on and decided to tell her despite my ups and downs I wanted to be friends. I also asked if she was happy being with me and she yes. She said it was very comfortable to be with me. Yeah... Anyway I called last night to see if she was Ok, she said yes and that another American (guy I guess) was over at her place.I felt a little hurt on hearing that but, I have to tell myself fuck it and move on. Move on.

I went to a club in Roppongi, I saw some cute girls but nothing came about, I felt kinda shitty and had a hard time getting over it. I called A-chan, she said I could come over if I behaved myself. I slept with her - no screwing, but it was comforting to be with her. We talked and we agreed - it hurts to be serious about someone and they talk about their other relationships.

Go to February

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