Tokyo Nights

11/9/98 Well, I need some new pussy. I am tired of the pussy I have currently been eating. I want some delicious young hot looking ko-gal pussy.I want to eat and eat and eat. And when I'm tired of that one I want f##k another one. I don't want games. I want pussy. I am totally f##king A serious.

Now, at least I know what I want. I want hot sexy girl pussy. I'm not satisfied with f##kable. I want hot sexy girl pussy. I know what I want and I want it. Now I have to go get it.

I am not going fall in love, spend money on her, or resent her. I want to get what I want. I expect she would do the same.I have to live my life, do what I need and have to do, and expect her to do the same. I know I am not happy with one. So I have to live with the fact she may be the same.

So that is the way it is going to be. I will do what I want. I don't want to be controled by others.

I have to be strong. Get what you want or you won't be happy.

11/11 Well monday I saw K-chan again. You know the one I have dated 7-10 times and never even hold hands. Before I went back to America for a one week trip she asked that I bring her back some fruit roll ups. I said OK. I brought them back. I called her, left messages, emailed her. No response. So I went to where she works. I handed her the candy etc,she said "Thank you". I asked did you get my message. She said "yeah". Refering to the candy I said, "OK, enjoy", "Take care" and walked out. I felt "sappari shita" which means refreshed. I figure if I never see her again that is fine. I don't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't want to even keep in touch like normal people. I found out she was a picses. I read picses people are lost in their own world even though they are sensual etc. I figured this girl would never wake up from whatever dream state she was in. It is part my fault too, because I never told her my true feelings completely out and out. But I did tell her I liked her alot in some messages. But it seemed like she wanted to get father away rather than closer after that. But she started wanting more after I became colder to her. Don't get it. Me neither. I think it must be some kind of wierd human nature.

After seeing her I went home. Cowboy girl came to visit me. We talked alot. She said my weak point was that I was inflexible/ narrow minded about some things. Which I can say "yeah probably".

She said "kuru mono kobamazu, saru mono owazu" which means don't reject what comes and don't run after what leaves. Is that always true? But she was saying I should be more open.She said that is her philosophy, and she has many friends. I guess I'm more picky about the people I hang out with.

Last night (11/10)I saw N with her friends in Shinjuku. n and her 3 friends. I felt I wanted to vent a little bit so I spoke 90-95% completely. Giving my opinions. I guess I controled the conversation most of the night. And what did we talk about? My favorite, relationships. Maybe that is not my best topic because I want to be direct, completely frank etc.

Q:What kind of girl is your type?

A: F##kable

Q:What kind of girl do you like?

A:Ones that don't talk too much

On and on. Frankly I think they were all pretty shocked. But I enjoyed it. Is that not what's important. But they seemed to have a good time. Who knows?

The girl I wanted to screw wouldn't come home with me.I pulled on her inside the train but she wouldn't budge.

I called the biker girl. She told me she had moved into a new place. I asked her if I could come over. She said ok. That was really nice, it made me happy. I caught the last bus to her place. We didn't have sex but we messed around. I fell asleep with my arms around her. I like to hold her.

11/18 Since then, I screwed the biker girl twice. She came over the next night and once in th evening and once in th moring I think. I can't remember too well. That is wierd. She has come over twice since then and no sex. She said her period. Another girl came over Mon A-chan. That night sucked. Its not that all I want to do is fuck, but I when I feel like I want to, I seem to have to get them into the sprit too. That's not working too well.I seem to come off wrong, I am not getting them as interested as I am maybe...

Try not to fall in love, has been the motto of the last week or so. I like biker girl, but I know there are some reasons why things might not work out. One big one is: we both like to screw other people. On the other hand, is that really a problem. Why give her trouble for something I would just as happy doing. Screwing as much as I can. So as nice as it is to be with her sometimes. maybe I should ask her. How she feels about me. Talking about our relationship might be a good thing.

Another thing, why do I say "work out"? like what marriage? Is that what you want? Not really. You want a steady girlfriend? Only if she knows I still want to screw around. Why are you acting so bummed? Because she seems cool.

It seems I need to find some new girls. 11/27 Getting short on money. after I pay my taxes, phone bill etc, I'll be pretty broke. Even though I make good money, I never save. I am not spending all that on girls. But spending on myself to get girls is common. Clothes,clubs, etc..

Well, Biker girl came over last Wednesday. I was ready to screw her. After seeing her about 4 times without having sex because of her period, accident (she got into a minor bike accident) etc. I was ready to go. She came over, we talked a bit, she took a bath, and then she was sitting on the bed. It seemed like she was tempting me, naked with just her panties on. she wasn't even looking for her clothes to put on. So I went to work. And man, did we ever. I just remember I havn't sweated like that for a long time. Oh and the part with the chair was pretty exciting.

Then about 4 hours later while we were sleeping together, I asked her... what kind of relationship do have. She said nothing has changed, same as before. She is such an affectionate girl I get confused if she is affectionate to me or everybody.Probably the later. I have feelings for her, then I pull back with the realization she has numerous affairs. She said she has screwed her boss, other foreigners, married men, on and on, she started when she was 12! She has lots of guys. I believe it, there is no reason not to. She tells me about the other men in her life. Why? I asked her if she talks about me to other guys, she said no. hmmm....hard to believe.

A while ago I would have said... so what. I want to screw as many girls as I can. Maybe I should forget her. She'll never have me as her only one. Too boring. I am just a good one nighter about once a week when she gets a little lonely. Maybe its better for both of us that way? I know if I be honest with myself, I don't want her to be my only one.

If you were her... 19, relatively cute, already working, no college, not a whole lot of future except based on the guy she marries, what would you do? She needs a really rich guy who loves and can take care of her. End of story.

But she also wants to have a good time. She will wrestle, make jokes, anything. I think every guy wants a girl like that. Thats why many guys say " I love you" to her. And she said that always ruins everything. After I heard that, I thought, there is no way I will say that to her. I feel I am one of many many many. It doesn't feel that great. But I can't give her any shit, because she is Not my one and only.

It was funny, after she said, "its the same as before", we had sex again, and it was for a really long time and felt pretty good. No problem. No love, just sex and affection. Is that why many guys go for her? It might be. To read December report

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