May 15.2001 - Confrontation
Sometimes when I'm driving the cab, I feel that some white people feel some sort of tension or pressure when they recognize my Asian background. I think some people feel that they have to talk to me about how good Asian people are or how they had a good experience with an Asian once. It's almost like they assume that I don't feel good about myself or my Asian background and they are trying to help me deal with my feelings and accept who I am. Actually, it's usually a good indication of the person's negative feelings about Asians and their difficulties in accepting Asians into their society.

April 19.2001 - Homogenization of the World
It's scary to see the trend that's really accelerated with the common man's increased accessibility to travel and global media: the homogenization of all cultures. I suppose it's something that's been slowing brewing for thousands of years, but has really started cooking within the last 50-100 years. The Internet and access to images/fashion/food from other cultures have really accelerated this process. All "hapa"s like me are also a product and indication of this homogenization. Ok... more on this later, this lady's kicking me out of the lab...

February 18.2000 - Who Do Ya Wanna Be?
Embarrassment - that's what I felt about my mother's culture when I brought friends over to my place when I was young. She was so different from "America." Her English wasn't perfect. The food she cooked wasn't hamburgers, it wasn't pizza, it wasn't familiar. As I've grown older though, I lost the embarrassment as I accepted her (and myself) and my friends had grown to accept her and she accepted them and American culture. There's something about American and Australian cultures that make it embarrassing to actually have a real "culture." Any representations of real culture are just rituals or mythology - today reduced to tacky demonstrations for tourists. There's pressure to conform and assimilate - to become white and therefore, more civilized.

August 12.99 - Racism in Australia
In America, blacks bear the brunt of racism. In Australia, albeit on a different level, Asians are the most recent immigrant group to bear the cross (if you ignore the Aboriginals which are parallel to the Native Americans). Since the '70s and '80s, there has been a large influx of Asian immigration into Australia. There is a large representation from almost every southeastern Asian nation here; there are Indonesians, Vietnamese, Chinese, Cambodians, Koreans, Japanese, Taiwanese, and Indians to name a few. Asians have been blamed for high unemployment (taking jobs from so-called "real" Australians). There was such a great backlash against Asians in Australia that a Populist party called "One Nation" was formed in Queensland. The party's leader and one time "fish and chip" shop owner, Pauline Hanson, represents the average "Aussie battler" and sounded the call for a return to the traditional Aussie values of the 1950s situated firmly in the memories of nostalgic Ed Sullivan fans. I have heard accounts of people being called the generic derogatory Asian names and even some stories of people having fruit thrown at them or being spit on. I have also heard of retaliation where a group of ten Asians beat up a group of six Australians on the train after being inflamed by racist comments. Compared to my experience in Miami, people are much more outwardly racist in Australia. The most disappointing example of racism was when I was riding a steam train nearby Melbourne called "Puffing Billy." My two Korean friends went to the toilet and I found some seats on the train near a group of young boys. As my friends approached, I heard a boy in the group moan "Oh no, some Chinese."

April 14.99 - Independence vs. Loyalty
I believe one of the basic, underlying differences between Western and Asian cultures is the way independence and loyalty are taught and valued in these societies. For example: I was taught to stand out and be different and to speak my own mind in America. In schools, we were/are encouraged to speak out and to ask questions. My Taiwanese friends have told me that their upbringing and schooling has been a vastly different experience. When in school, classes are very quiet... the teachers just lecture and the students just take notes. There is little or no interaction. My friends told me that teachers try to get students to ask questions and such, but they usually don't. Another thing is loyalty. Asians tend to move in groups (especially when going out). Due to the importance placed on loyalty, it can be construed as an insult if you want to go out with some other people or go off on your own. Of course, this isn't just an Asian trait, but it seems to be more exaggerated in Asian culture. This can definitely be limiting if you're going out with a group of Asian (from Asia) friends and want to meet new people.

February 15.99 - Gong Xi Fa Tsai!
A new year has passed for about a quarter of the world's population. What does it mean to me? Honestly, not much. But to other Chinese, it might mean large dinners, drinking, playing Mah Jong and of course, the giving and receiving of "hong bao"s (red packets) usually filled with money. Many Chinese-American families probably attended the same kind of function as my family did at a local University or hall where there are raffles for a door prize, lots of Chinese food, Chinese/Taiwanese/HK pop music and some sort of variety show. Those get-togethers always gave off this "tacky" kind of glimmer. Also present at those get-togethers was (for me) this feeling of trying to prove that I was as good or as valid as the other "real"/full Chinese.

December 28.98 - Ethnocentricism Again
A friend of mine acknowledged recently that Asian cultures are ethnocentric/xenophobic after which she presented how ethnocentric/invasive Western cultures had been in the last 500 years (basically starting with the "discovery"/invasion of the New World). Americans and Australians have oppressed, victimized, and segregated their native cultures -- treating those cultures as savagery: primal and without merit. Although Asian cultures are ethnocentric and very nationalist, their direct impact on other countries/cultures has been very limited when compared with the damage that other cultures have done.

November 13.98 - Money and Wealth
Asian cultures seem to value material wealth and success over almost everything. For such elegant cultures, it is kind of disappointing to see such a meaningless cause at the top.

November 11.98 - Great Expectations
Being born to an Chinese mother and an Australian father, I grew up with major contrasts in expectations coming from each of my respective parents. My mother's expectations were obvious and high: Always be the best at whatever you do. Mainly, this covered my school studies and violin studies. Enforcement of these expectations and hopes were pretty painful -- if I failed, then I could expect verbal abuse - if I succeeded, I could expect "you can do better next time." My father's expectations were much more subtle/less rigid and the enforcement of these standards were very lax. Is either way better than the other? Who knows. I believe that the Chinese way definitely motivates one to do more (albeit negatively) whereas my father's way relies on more internal motivation.

July 31.98 - Ethnocentricity Returns
One characteristic that I don't like about Chinese culture is its extreme ethnocentricism. Its close-mindedness, narrow views, AND arrogance irritates me. I suppose it could be considered a strength (unity and self-confidence), however I believe that it also serves to put greater distance between Chinese and people from other cultures.

June 16.98 - Dependence
I see more dependence in Asian culture. Or maybe it's just shyness or timidness. In American/Western culture, students are taught to speak out, to exercise their right to speak and to do things on their own. There is a stark difference between students from overseas and native students here in Australia. More later

June 8.98 - Non-Puritanical
Farts, stinky smells, going to the bathroom for the "solid" reason, and even diarrhea are subjects which can and have passed through conversation with other Asians, easily and unremarked upon. This is a stark difference from American/Western culture where all natural "un"-graces are ignored and glossed over in severe attempts to --- well, maybe to hide the fact that humans do have some stinky, nasty aspects to daily life. I'm not sure what the influence is: maybe the original Puritanical settlers whose influence is still felt today in the US. It's refreshing to see those subjects, which are so stressfully hidden from American society, treated matter-of-factly and given no special attention, besides some laughter or jest.

May 6.98 - Brotherhood and Behavior
I noticed that Asian males seem to bond closer and also get physically closer than most Western cultures. For example: there's often an arm draped on another guy's shoulders and just more closer interaction. There also seems to be quicker bonding (this might just be my own experience and no one else's, I'm not sure). Asians seem ready to do things for others quicker than with Western cultures. It's just kind of nice and a nice way to deal with people. - more later -

April 20.98 - Etiquette?
Society and all its little quirks, traditions and systems of etiquette are so confusing to me. I get confused when I cross cultures and attempt to deal with certain situations (when do I accept the gift?, should I accept compliments?, etc.). I always feel this sense of awkwardness when I go overseas, but sometimes even here in Australia or in America. I think that part of it is my own social imeptitude but also, mainly it's the cultural differences.

April 10.98 - Ethnocentricity?, Part III
As ethnocentric as I may think I've been acting, I'm still very much "white". By "white", I mean culturally "white" (maybe "Western" would be a better word). Chinese is less a daily part of my lifestyle than it is an area of study for me. I do Chinese character exercises almost daily on public transportation, but I don't often speak it. When I do, it's usually just a few words for a few seconds. In fact, it seems like more of a novelty than part of me. With further study, I hope that I can incorporate it more into my daily living.

March 15.98 - Ethnocentricity?, Part II
All through my life I have been a multicultural person: through my views and through my friends and who they represented. My experience in Taiwan definitely changed me by allowing me the aforementioned sense of belonging. Unfortunately, I think I have let that feeling push me over the line of discovering who I am into a slightly ethnocentric way of thinking. Admittedly, I haven't gone out to explore my white roots (Australian, with ancestors originating in England and Ireland). I can't forget that side of me either. A peculiar observation that I have made is that generally, Asian people tend to think that I am white whilst white people tend to catch my Asian eyes. Kinda interesting, eh?

March 13.98 - Ethnocentricity?
I received a warning from a friend after I told him about the feeling of belonging that I felt in Taiwan: he told me to make sure I didn't let that feeling become ethnocentricity.
I have noticed that I am leaning that way, though not directly. I don't actively exclude others, I just haven't really made the effort to meet other people. The people I do hang out with at school are all Asian. I hope that my decision to join the Basketball Club will keep me from falling into that trap.
Though I do want to get to know my Chinese roots better, I don't want to become ethnocentric in the process.

March 9.98 - What is being an Asian-Caucasian?
Being an Asian-Caucasian? Well, it definitely has its conflicts. I think with any "inter-breeding" there always seems to be some sort of exclusionary behaviors reserved for those who aren't "pure" coming from both sides. I know that when I was in Taiwan, I heard many whispers of "wei-guo ren" (literally: foreigner) fly about behind my back. In Miami, my sisters and I would attract a lot of stares as we came in to sit down at a Chinese restaurant. Other than that though, I haven't ever directly felt any sort of racism for who I was or represented. I wonder what my parents have had to endure as a result of their decisions. My father mentioned his mother's inability to understand his interest in Asian culture and people. I'm sure my mother caught some flak for marrying a "wei-guo ren", though she's never specifically mentioned it. My aunt (mother's side) once told me that she asked my mother just before she got married to my father whether it was prudent to have children of mixed cultures and backgrounds. So, there was obviously some concern coming from family members (and I'm sure from my dad's side, too).
Anyway, there's always been some conflict between cultures. Living in America definitely created (and creates) conflicts with the Chinese way. That combined with my father's own ideas on child-rearing created a massive conflict between my parents. More on this later.

February 26.98 - Asians in Australia
I went in for Orientation today at Swinburne and I noticed many Asians around. I met a Cambodian guy, a Chinese girl, and a Vietnamese guy. Also, there's a Taiwanese Club on campus (which I plan to join). Quite an Asian presence, and quite a shift from Miami's almost complete lack. Apparently, many Asian students come here from their native countries to get their degree here in order to get jobs back at home.
I added some links to pages about Taiwan (history, geography, new flag ideas) in the "Chinese Literature" page.

February 11.98 - About being an Asian-Caucasian (Asian-American by upbringing), I haven't actually read up very much on the history of Asians in America (or Australia). I know that many Chinese men were recruited as cheap labor to come build the Transcontinental Railway back in the 1850's and this is the reason for the relatively large numbers of Asians in California.
I recently read a book called "AIEEE!!", which is a compilation of Asian- American writings published in the early 1970's. There is a story about a suburban Chinese-American having an affair with his neighbor's wife while coping with his divorce. There is also a play, a quite cynical one, about the early Asian-American experience, about how Chinese women weren't allowed into the 'States to prevent Chinese children from being born, about the frustrations of having no respect. The introduction offers quite a lot of Asian-American history, about the early portrayal of Asians in America, and the early literature written by and about Asians in America. It's a very interesting book, which offers quite a lot of information and dramatic reading.

February 8.98 - Continuing with the last passage, I hope that I'm not giving off the air that the only motivation for my quest to discover my Chinese side is guilt or obligation. I find the Chinese culture interesting and refreshing against the backdrop of American culture. Though my cynicism and ignorance (or maybe just my "American" attitude) does make my perspective more as an observer than a participant(currently), it's something that I feel should be done in order to help me understand myself and where I come from. Something that I've neglected and taken for granted for quite a long time. I remember my U.S. History teacher teaching me something about my mother. He asked me where my mother came from during his lecture about Sun Yat-sen, Chiang Kai-shek, and the Chinese Nationalist party (Kuo Ming Tang). I told him that she was born in BeiJing but was raised in Taiwan, then he shocked me by telling me that she was involved in the Communist takeover, forced to flee to Taiwan. He was shocked and slightly disgusted that I hadn't know this myself and told me to ask my mother about it later that evening. This was important, but what it revealed was how little knowledge of self I had. -More rhetoric later-

If you're interested in communicating with someone else about this kind of topic, visit Dan Zarazua's Homepage. He's a fellow half-Asian with a much more educated view on this subject.

February 6.98 - Being an Asian-Caucasian -
This subject has been on my mind a lot. Especially since my experience at the Taiwan Study Tour. I call myself Asian-Caucasian because I'm Australian by blood, but American by culture. Admittedly, I have always respected the Asian side more. I don't exactly know why, maybe there's something about having old, established culture and traditions. Or maybe it was the feeling I always got from my mother, which was that the Chinese are better. It's hard to pinpoint. Something else that I feel the need for is the ability to speak Mandarin fluently. The reason for this, is that I feel that my Chinese side is a half of me, and I don't want it to slip away during my generation. I feel that I'm almost shaming the Chinese half of me by having such limited knowledge of myself. Just as important is the knowledge of Chinese culture, something that I am almost TOTALLY ignorant of.
In Miami, the Asian population is tiny compared to the other multicultural metropolises of America (Chicago, NY, SF to name a few) therefore, my exposure to Asian-Americans was very limited. In fact, for awhile, I was very unique in Miami. There weren't many Asians in the first place, and very, very few hybrids. Then came Taiwan - my shock was not from the exposure to Taiwanese culture, but to the number of Chinese from America, who were much like me - raised in America, speaking English with American accents, eating American food, playing American sports, wearing American clothes, with developed "American" attitudes. (For example: it was to my shock to learn that there was an Asian "Greek" system of fraternities and sororities in California. From personal observation, I think that there were less than 200 Asians at UMiami, definitely not enough to warrant 1 frat or sorority, let alone an entire system.) Seeing this made me feel like I finally belonged to a heritage, to some tradition, a new identity. At the same time, I was surprised to find out that my Chinese was actually better than others', making me feel a little better about my quest to learn more about my Chinese side. - More later -