The Interview With the Hot Topic Shoppers
Interview #1
Bass Ackwards (approaching a girl wearing a patent-leather dog collar from Claire's and green nail polish): Um, hi. Can I ass you a few questions?
Mallternateen: Sure.
BA: So, what do you think about a store like Hot Topic?
Mallternateen: I think that it's a great idea to stick a store as original as this in a cool place like the mall.
BA (backing away slowly): Oh, okay. So what're you holding there?
Mallternateen: Well, I jsut found this great CD. It's soooo punk rock. It's got cool bands like Green Day, and the Offspring. It's even got a really unknown band called Noffixx.
BA: You mean NoFX?
Mallternateen: Wow, you've actually heard of them? Yeah it was only 15 bucks, too.
BA (sarcastically): Whoa, great price.
Mallternateen: If you think that's cheap, I saw No Doubt lat week for only 30 bucks!!!...and the baby-t I got was only $20!!!
BA: Hey, it looks like you got a hole in your fishnets.
Mallternateen: Oh no, I jsut got these. They were only 12 buck pre-ripped. Amazing how cheap stuff is here, huh?
BA: You suck, get the hell outta my face!!!
Interview #2
BA: Umm, excuse me, could I ask you a few questions?
That Scary Girl In the Corner: You're blocking my shadow.
BA: Oh, sorry. Why do you wear so much black?
TSGITC: Black is death, death is the end, love is endless, endless like the flow of blood through the veins of a virgin child like a river of darkness coursing through an eternal land of pain and death, tearing at my flesh like a pack of ravenous hell-wolves.
BA: So, this is a good thing?
TSGITC: Blood is the beginning and the end. It is all.
BA: You're not a vampire, you know.
TSGITC: 666, may Satan thrust his reign upon you, like the reign of a dark thunderstorm in the night.
BA: Actually, you used reign in the wrong context. It should be r-a-i-n.
TSGITC: Oh never mind then.
BA: No, really, why do you dress and act like this?
TSGITC (very quietly): Well, actually...to piss my mom off.
By Rena and Alissa (in case you're kind of dumb, these weren't REAL interviews...they were inspired by our creative genius...what? You thought we'd actually talk to people like that???)
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