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Cobains Final Words
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who
obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile
complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to
understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the
years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say,
ethics involved with independence and the embracement of
your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt
the excitement of listening to as well as creating music
along with reading and writing for too many years now. I
feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out
and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect
me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed
to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd,
which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact
is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't
fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would
be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if
I'm having 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time
clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything
within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe
me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that
I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I
must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate
things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be
slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once
had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation
for all the people I've known personally and as fans of
our music, but I still can't get over the frustration,
the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good
in all of us and I think I simply love people too much,
so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad
little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man! Why
don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and
empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I
used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person
she meets because everyone is good and will do her no
harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can
barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances
becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker
that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since
the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans
in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to
get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel
sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous
stomach for your letters and concern during the past
years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't
have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to
burn out than to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
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