Growing like all children brought about it's trial and tribulations. But none like the suffering I was forced to indure. The pain no child should have to face. I often wonder if rape, or beatings would have hurt less. How I survived, I will never know, but by sheer will to live, I did. And I have grown powerful because of it.
I am a firm believer in "Things happen for a reason" On Aug. 25th 1982, my father died. He was an amazing man, and an incredible rolemodel for a little 7 year old kid. So needless to say, losing him crushed me. I slowly became an intrevert that didn't want to be close to people. I was very quiet. I guess I can't say that I would'nt trade it all for one more day with him, but I have come to accept that his death made me who I am today. Puzzled? Let me explain. Growing up in the house of a full blooded portugese minister left little room for individuality. I was told what to believe, Not so much forced, but what else was there for me? I was 7 and very well couldn't say I was going to follow another, or no religion at all. So first point is that I would not have found my own beliefs without his passing. Second point. Mendon MA, poulation at the time was just over 600. Living there was like waiting to die. Don't get me wrong, I love the country, and a community where everyone is safe, and everyone knows each other. But I never would have moved from the parsonage to Taunton. So in turn, I never would have met a close friend that introduced me to music. And I cannot even begin to imagine life without it now. I could ramble about all the wonderful reasons why I feel my father died, but I find it a bit depressing, and to be honest I'd like to remember him in memories, rather than reasoning.
I called him Unkie. He was my uncle Stephen Crowninshield. He always took me fishing, and out at least one time a week for years. He tried so hard to pick up the male role model position in my life. Summer vacation found me staying at my cousins. My mother was stopping by? How odd, not when I found out Unkie was gone. The darkness swelled up again. I was my old quiet self for a good 5 years.
That is when I returned to the christian church looking for some kind of answers. Without going to deep into it. I found a few genuine golden people there. And a church filled with back stabbing, lies, and unacceptance of me. I have never followed the mainstream of appearences, and the elders just didn't like that. Most of them.
I was pushed from that place with a bitter sweet smile on my face.
At 19 I realized after being trapped in a dead end go nowhere job. With a crackhead staff, that I needed time away. I had planned a cross country excursion to find myself. With my departure in sight I said my goodbyes, packed, and then oddly enough, unpacked.
Mary Green, my grandmother got sick, and hospitalized. She was an angel in this sad world. I never felt closer to any other relative than her. For over two years I visited her. Only to watch her slowly fade away from me. My money was just about gone, and I didn't know what to do. On Feb. 28th 1996 on my 21st birth day, grandma died. I like to think she fought it long enough to see me turn 21. I can be happy believing this.
On the lighter side...see my love section on an upadte in the love life of Geycen.
Welcome back. Lately I have come to alot of realizations about my life, and its present course. To explain better, I need to take you back about two years. A time filled with nonchelaunt, youthful, and premiscuity.
During the spring and summer of that fine year, I was for better lack of terms, The Man. I was living with my roomate Gary, and we were the kings of the area. Where did people go when they needed company, or a bottle to drown away their pains? Nowhere but to my apt. We called it the chill room. A room I had set up for sanctuary, and ended up a den of illusions. I often refer to that point in my life as the two month party. There were days that would pass without a good shower, and weeks with non-sobriety. I was a drug, and alcohol induced fool. But I was the King of fools. And I truely led my people to the promise land. It didn't matter what it was, or what I had to do to get it, there was always plenty of illegal substances, and a bottle of cheap vodka floating around somewhere. 15-30 people would gather in the night like vampires to get their fix. And most morning those 15 usually remained until the sun faded just enough not to burn out their sensetive eyes. All was going good until the hallucinogenics became the thing. It was them who became rulers in this savage land dividing our tribe into several nations. But without concern they past too.
Two years later, and the party is long over. But so too is the grand and mighty kingdom I helped established. Freinds? I always believed self loyalty came after a helping hand, and that these people would live and die for their king. But a ruler without a kingdom is no ruler at all I guess. Not one of them remained. Oh their are the straglers, and the true few who were there before during and after. But now all those naysers can't belive, or accept the change that has taken place. That beyond the walls of the chill room there was a life ready, and willing to bloom. Is it better to know who's real and who's not, or live a lie filled with "friends"? I don't know sometimes. I feel a bit hurt, and betrayed, but there is order where there was once chaos. The Wild Child known as Geycen has gone into hybernation, and given room for the noble knight to reign. Both live within me, but only one can exist at once. And with or without all the swine, alone, or with many alone, I am happy. All the drugs, all the one night fling, and all the lies in the world can't compare with self-control, morality, and piece of mind. Stay true, Geycen
His mother claims it stems from a young experience where she threw him into a pool wearing "floogles" (An inflatable arm preserver meant to keep the bearer afloat) To his dismay, they didn't live up to their standards, and he sank to the bottom.
Fact: Geycen lived with his oarents for two years just outside of Disney World, in Apopka Florida. Oddly enough the park they lived in was called "Jellystone, Yogi Bears Campground."
There he developed an affinity towards animals. As he would feed the squirrels from his families camper.
Also while living there, Geycen was witness to the beheading of the great pick-i-nick basket thief himself Yogi. Little was it known to him on that fine hayride that the poor bear was nothing more than a man in a suit. Who in a rush forgot to secure his mask, and forever scarring the children on the ride.
It was also here that Geycens preforming career began at the young age of 4. When he would frequent the chapel on Sundays to sing his world famous version of "Jesus Loves Me."