It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
     A beautiful day for a neighbor.
     Would you be mine?
     Could you be mine?...

     It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
     A neighborly day for a beauty.
     Would you be mine?
     Could you be mine?...

     I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.
     I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

     So, let's make the most of this beautiful day.
     Since we're together we might as well say:
     Would you be mine?
     Could you be mine?
     Won't you be my neighbor?
     Won't you please,
     Won't you please?
     Please won't you be my neighbor? 

How are you on such a wonderful day?
Have you been good boys and girls?
Have you done your homework?
Have you watched Barney, that fucking reject of a fossil?
No??

Boys and girls, I have been in this business for over 30 years now. I have worked hard to entertain and help raise you, your parents, and some of your grandparents.

I would like to teach you a new word today.

Can you say "LEGACY"?

My teachings are to help raise you to be decent and responsible young people. My entire life has been devoted to you.

AND NOW THAT FAT-HEADED PURPLE FUCK IS PUTTING ME IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE! WHAT KIND OF A WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHERE AN EXTINCT MOTHERFUCKING CARNIVOROUS LIZARD JUST WALTZES IN AND REPLACES A NICE GENTLEMAN SUCH AS MYSELF???? WELL I HAVE SOMETHING IN STORE FOR THAT ASSHOLE!

Can you say "ASSASSINATION", boys and girls?

That's right, boys and girls! If you know where your parents keep their guns, it is perfectly alright to shoot Barney! And I give you ALL my blessing! Don't worry about feeling bad. As a matter of fact, I'd like to sing a song just for you:

     Sometimes people are good
     And they do just what they should.
     But the very same people who are good sometimes
     Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
     It's funny, but it's true.
     It's the same, isn't it for me and...

     Sometimes people get wet.
     And their parents get upset.
     But the very same people who get wet sometimes
     Are the very same people who are dry sometimes.
     It's funny, but it's true.
     It's the same, isn't it for me and...

     Sometimes people make noise
     And they break each other's toys.
     But the very same people who are noisy sometimes
     Are the very same people who are quiet sometimes.
     It's funny, but it's true.
     It's the same, isn't it for me and...

     Sometimes people get mad
     And they feel like being bad.
     But the very same people who are mad sometimes
     Are the very same people who are glad sometimes.
     It's funny, but it's true.
     It's the same, isn't it for me and...

     Sometimes people are good
     And they do just what they should.
     But the very same people who are good sometimes
     Are the very same people who are bad sometimes.
     It's funny, but it's true.
     It's the same, isn't it for me...
     Isn't it the same for you? 

Well, it's time for me to go, boys and girls. Now don't be sad, because you will see me again tomorrow. And tomorrow will be another beautiful day. And hopefully a Barneyless day. Until then, won't you be my neighbor?

     It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
     A beautiful day for a neighbor.
     Would you be mine?
     Could you be mine?...

     It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
     A neighborly day for a beauty.
     Would you be mine?
     Could you be mine?...

     I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.
     I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

     So, let's make the most of this beautiful day.
     Since we're together we might as well say:
     Would you be mine?
     Could you be mine?
     Won't you be my neighbor?
     Won't you please,
     Won't you please?
     Please won't you be my neighbor? 

Thank you, boys and girls. See you tomorrow! Good Bye!