DISCLAIMER: This humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or Scooter (my 3-legged cat); don't quote me on that; in fact, don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; this humor is distribution copyrighted to the extent that you may distribute this humor and all its associated parts freely but you may not make a profit from it or include the humor in commercial publications without written permission from the President; other copyright laws for specific humors apply wherever noted; this humor is subject to change without notice; humorous items are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this offer to smile is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal opportunity humorous employer; no shoes, no shirt, no humor; quantities are limited while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized humor service center; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only; if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; smoking these humorous items may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text used in these humorous materials is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were harmed to test the hilarity of this humor (except the chinchillas, but that's OK; they're synthetic, you know); no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a humorologist; humorous items are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; humor offer valid only at participating E-mail sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the humor list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.
Plagiarized from HTML author: Roger Atkinson [atkinson@cleo.murdoch.edu.au]
URL: http://cleo.murdoch.edu.au/asu/edtech/cleo_web/cleo_help/examples_disclaimers.html
Thanks to http://www.misty.com/laughweb/laughweb.disclaimer.txt