They'll tell you a lie with a Colgate smile, hey baby
Love you one second and hate you the next one
Oh ain't it crazy, yeah
All I can say, hey hey, of one thing I am certain, oh, oh
They're all the same, all the sluts and the saints
For misery, my friend,
Cherchez la femme . . .

(c'est si bon, c'est si bon, c'est si bon)

There but for the grace of God go I

Music by Kevin Nance
Lyrics by August Darnell
1978 Nance songs Inc.

Carlos and Carmen Vidal just had a child
A lovely girl with a crooked smile
Now they gotta split 'cause the Bronx ain't fit
For a kid to grow up in
Let's find a place they say, somewhere far away
With no blacks, no Jews and no gays

There but for the grace of God go I

Poppy and the family left the dirty streets
To find a quiet place overseas
And year after year the kid has to hear
The do's the don'ts and the dears
And when she's ten years old she digs that rock 'n' roll
But Poppy bans it from home

There but for the grace of God go I

Baby, she turns out to be a natural freak
Popping pills and smoking weed
And when she's sweet sixteen she packs her things and leaves
With a man she met on the street
Carmen starts to bawl, bangs her head to the wall
Too much love is worse than none at all

There but for the grace of God go I

Annie, I'm Not Your Daddy

August Darnell

They say that all is fair in love and war
And child believe it
When mama stayed in Saint Tropez
She had a fall or two

And I'm telling it to you straight
So you don't have to hear it in another way
Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy
Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy

They say that out of sight is out of mind
And child believe it
Your mama was in search of love
But all she got was used

And I'm telling it to your face
So you don't have to hear it in another place
(Break it to me gently now
Don't forget I'm just a child)

Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy
(Mama's baby's papa's baby)
Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy
(Mama's baby's papa's baby)

See if I was in your blood
Then you wouldn't be so ugly

Yes I'm telling it to you straight
So you don't have to hear it in another way
(Break it to me gently now
Don't forget I'm just a child)

Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy
(Mama's baby's papa's baby)
Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy
(Mama's baby's papa's baby)

Stool Pigeon

August Darnell

Chorus:
There's a gentleman that's going 'round,
Turnin' the joint upside-down.
Stool Pigeon, ha tja tja tja.
He's an old ex-con that's been away,
Now he's back, no-one's safe.
Stool Pigeon, ha tja tja tja.

"If you wanna squeal", said the F.B.I.,
"We can make a deal, make it worth your while".
So he told them all and in return,
He got a credit card and a Thunderbird.
And the maximum security, even after plastic surgery.
"So, go on and squeal", said the F.B.I.,
"We can make a deal, make it worth your while".

(Chorus)

After all the talk, then they wired him,
And he took a walk with his crooked friends.
And they joked about the good old days,
And he recorded it on a reel of tape.
He caught the mug who did the forgery,
And the babe in charge of larceny.
So the F.B.I., they rewarded him,
'Cause they like a guy who will stab a friend.

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

"If you wanna squeal", said the F.B.I.,
"We can make a deal, make it worth your while".
So he told them all and in return,
He got a credit card and a Thunderbird.
He got a spankin' new identity,
And a condo' down in Miami.
He bought a plane, a boat and jewellery,
But he couldn't buy any company.

(Chorus)

Endicott

August Darnell

Endicott's up by 5 o'clock
Endicott's givin' it all he got
Endicott's job is six to nine but
Endicott's home by nine O five
Endicott helps to cook the steak
Endicott helps to wash the plates
Endicott puts the kids to bed
Endicott reads a book to them

(Why cant you be like Endicott?)

Endicott loves Tribena so
Endicott puts her on a pedestal
Endicott's wish is her command but
Endicott don't make no demands
Endicott's always back in time
Endicott's not the cheatin' kind
Endicott's full of compliment
Endicott's such a gentleman

(Why cant you be like Endicott?)

Cause I'm free
Free of any made-to-order liabilities
Thank God I'm free
Cos it's hard enough for me
to take care of me, oh-oh

Endicott's carryin' a heavy load but
Endicott never really ever moans
Endicott's not a wealthy guy but
Endicott pays the bills on time
Endicott's got ideas and plans
Endicott's what you call a real man
Endicott always will provide 'cause
Endicott is the family type

(Why cant you be like Endicott?)

Cause I'm free
Freer than a pirate on a frigate out at sea
Thank God I'm free
Driftin' all around just like a tumbleweed, oh-oh

Maybe I need someone
Someone who isn't undone
Maybe an older woman
Will tolerate me
Maybe that certain someone
Older and wiser woman
Maybe the perfect someone
To satisfy me

Endicott keeps his body clean
Endicott don't use nicotine
Endicott don't drink alcohol
Endicott use no drugs at all
Endicott don't eat any sweet
Endicott don't eat pig feet
Endicott's frame is mighty strong
Endicott make love hard and long

(Why cant you be like Endicott?)

Endicott loves Tribena so
Endicott walks her to the sto'
Endicott likes to hold her hand
Endicott's proud to be her man
Endicott stands for decency
Endicott means formality
Endicott's the epitome
Endicott stands for quality

Endicott
Endicott
Endicott
Endicott

Our love will be...