Humans say the darndest things.
Annie Savoy: Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things. Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Yeah, you said "Crash"! Annie Savoy: Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?
Annie Savoy: Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn't listen to what a woman says when she's in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things. Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Yeah, you said "Crash"! Annie Savoy: Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?
Annie Savoy: I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me.
[Red places his bet on Andy.] Red: That tall drink of water with the silver spoon up his ass.
Prosecutor: And that also is very convenient, isn't it, Mr. Dufresne? Andy Dufresne: Since I am innocent of this crime, I find it decidedly INCONVENIENT that the gun was never found.
Red: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.
Red narrating: I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.
[On Red's harmonica playing.] Andy Dufresne: Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget. Forget that there are places in the world that aren't made out of stone. That there's a - there's a - there's something inside that's yours, that they can't touch.
Andy Dufresne: That's the beauty of music. They can't take that away from you.
Andy Dufresne: If they ever try to trace any of those accounts, they're gonna end up chasing a figment of my imagination. Red: Well, I'll be damned. Did I say you were good? Shit, you're a Rembrandt! Andy Dufresne: Yeah. The funny thing is - on the outside, I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook.
Red narrating: Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of shit and came out cleen on the other side.
Red: Makin' yourself some friends, Andy. Andy: I wouldn't say "friends". I'm a convicted murderer who provides sound financial planning.
Boggs: Now, I'm gonna open my fly and you're gonna swallow what I give ya. And when you swallow mine you gonna swallow Rooster's cause ya done broke his nose and I think he oughta have something to show for it. Andy: Anything you put in my mouth you're gonna lose. Boggs: Naw, you don't understand. You do that and I'll put all eight inches of steel in your ear. Andy: All right. But you should know that sudden serious brain injury causes the victim to bite down hard. In fact, I hear the bite reflex is so strong they have to pry the victims jaws open with a crow bar. Boggs: Where do you get this shit? Andy: I read it. You know how to read, you ignorant fuck?
[Andy has asked Red to procure Rita Hayworth.] Andy Dufresne: Can you get her? Red: It'll take a few weeks. Andy Dufresne: Weeks? Red: Well yeah, Andy. I don't have her stuffed down my pants right now, sorry to say, but relax, I'll get her.
Andy: Get busy living, or get busy dying.
Red: Rehabilitated? Now let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means. Parole official: Well, it means that you're ready to rejoin society. Red: I know what you think it means, sonny. To me it's just a made up word; a politician's word. So young fellas like yourself can wear a suit, and tie, and have a job. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did? Parole official: Well, are you? Red: There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then then, a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit.
Red narrating: I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.
Red narrating: I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.
Woman: Oh my god, look at that! It looks just like my husband's-- Carnival Worker: ONE-EYED MONSTER! Come see the One-eyed Monster! One Eyed Monster: Oh my god, it's a giant-- Chinese Teacher: Wang! pay attention! Wang: Sorry, sir I was distracted by that giant flying-- Fan: Woody! Woody Harrelson! Could I have your autograph?
[Joe is trading insults with a photographer] Joe: You know what you are - you're an ass-half... Takes two of you to make an ass-whole.
Goose's wife: Hey Goose you big stud! Goose: That's me, honey. Goose's wife: Take me to bed or lose me forever. Goose: Show me the way home, honey.
Maverick: I think I'll go make a fool of myself with Goose.
Rockhound: Why do I do this? Three reasons: the pay is good, the scenery changes, and they let me use explosives.
Rockhound: This is so much fun, it's freaky!
Rockhound: Well it's about time, I haven't thrown up in about an hour.
General Kimsey: The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.
Rockhound: I hate it when I know everything!
Rockhound: Hey Harry, you know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has two hundred thousand moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good doesn't it?
Rockhound: Look, we've got front row tickets to the end of the earth!
Robbie: When I put my mind to something, I go all the way. I'll go all the way for you, sir. I'm a big fan of money. I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I wanna put more in that jar. That's where you come in.
[Cyrus is about to burn Cindino alive] Francisco Cindino: Cy! Cyrus: ...onara!
Little Girl: Are you sick? Garland: Yes I am. Little Girl: Do you take medicine? Garland: There is no medicine for what I have.
Garland Green: What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn’t you consider that to be insane?
[To Cyrus, while holding a gun] Pinball: You didn't mean that "dirty nigger crackhead" shit, did you? Cyrus: Give me that gun. [Takes the gun.] Hell yes, I meant it.
Duncan Malloy: What's with dictionary-boy over here? Vince Larkin: I believe thesaurus-boy would be more appropriate.
Baby O: What's wrong with him? Cameron Poe: My first guess would be... a lot.
[After seeing a Corvette being towed in the air by a plane.] Cameron Poe: On any other day, that might seem strange.
Garland "The Marietta Mangler" Greene: One girl, I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.
["Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background.] Garland Greene: Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
Billy: No I will not make out with you! You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, people, not to make out with you! Go on with the chlorophyll!
Billy: He called the shit poop!
Karl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some. Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you. Karl: I'm sorry. Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?
Billy Madison: Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! [Notices gold swan on edge of tub.] Stop looking at me, swan!
Ian: The Lone Rangers? How can you pluralize "Lone Ranger"?
Rex: We decided to take the cops up on their offer. We ask for a bunch of weird stuff so we can plead insanity later.
[One of the list of demands.] Rex: 67 copies of "Moby Dick." Suzzi: The movie or the book? Rex: They made a book outta that?
[Two-Face decides a victim's fate with a coin toss] Two-Face: Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!
Two-Face: One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, anchovies grow legion. Why? Why why why why why? Luck! Blind stupid simple doo-dah clueless luck!
The Riddler: And if knowledge is power, then a GOD AM *I*! [pauses] Was that over the top? I can never tell.[upon reaching Claw Island] Robin: Holey rusted metal, Batman! Batman: Huh? Robin: The ground, it's made of metal. And it's full of holes. You know, holey. Batman: Oh.
Jim: Where's your will to be weird?
Jim Morrison: Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
The High Aldwin: [throws an apple into the air which turns into a bird] Go in the direction the brid is flying! Burgelcutt: He's going back to village! The High Aldwin: Ignore the bird. Follow the river.
Willow: See this acorn? I'll throw it at you and turn you to stone? Madmartigan: Ooh, I'm really scared. Help! There's a peck with an acorn pointed at me!
Sorsha: What are you looking at? Madmartigan: Your leg. I'd like to break it.
[Looking at Dr. Meredith's bunny slippers, then his own.] Chris Knight: May I say, sir, I admire your taste in footwear.
Dr. Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened? Chris Knight: I got a haircut?
Chris Knight: Gee, Kent, and we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival! Kent: Really?
Chris: First, you have to get back at Kent, it's a moral imperative.
Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it! Nudity!
Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head? Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.
Chris Knight: Kent put his name on his license plate. Mitch Taylor: My mother does that to my underwear. Chris Knight: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?
[In the men's room.] Jordan: Are you peeing? Mitch: Uh, I can't start. Jordan: Because I'm here? Mitch: I think so. Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go. Mitch: Me too.
Professor Hathaway: You still run? Chris Knight: Only when chased.
Chris Knight: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.
Mitch Taylor: The weirdest thing just happened to me. Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you were where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Mitch Taylor: No... Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream?
Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates! Chris Knight: Oh, really? Well, what about that time I found you naked with that bowl of jello? Kent: You did not! Chris Knight: This is true. Kent: Yeah, well I was hot and I was hungry! NOTE:Now, WHO do we know that THIS reminds us of, friends...:)
Mitch Taylor: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet? Chris Knight: You've seen him too? Mitch Taylor: Who is he? Chris Knight: Hollyfeld. Mitch Taylor: Why does he keep going into our closet? Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet? Mitch Taylor: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there! Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him! Mitch Taylor: Yeah... Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch! Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"
Deja Vu: Nigel, what are you saying? Nigel: How do we know he's NOT Mel Torme?
Nick: Is this the potato farm? Farmer: Yes, I'm Albert Potato.
Nick: I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover whom she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French Underground. Hillary: I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.
John Keating: No matter what anybody tells you, words & ideas can change the world.
John Keating: Now I'd like you to step forward over here. They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? --- Carpe --- hear it? --- Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.
John Keating: O Captain, my Captain. Who knows where that comes from? Anybody? Not a clue? It's from a poem by Walt Whitman about Mr. Abraham Lincoln. Now in this class you can either call me Mr. Keating, or if you're slightly more daring, O Captain my Captain.
Keating: Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.
Keating: There is a time for daring and a time for caution, and a wise man knows which is called for.
Nolan: Tradition, Mr.Keating. Keating: I thought the purpose of education was to learn to think for yourself.
John Keating: Why do we need language? Neil Perry: To communicate... John Keating: Nooo!! To woo women!
Neil: This deskset wants to fly.
Vice Principal Wolters: I care about these kids just as much as you do. And if I'm forced to choose between Mozart and reading and writing and long division, I choose long division. Glenn Holland: Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want, Gene. Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about.
Glenn Holland: Playing music is supposed to be fun. It's about heart, it's about feelings, moving people, and something beautiful, and it's not about notes on a page. I can teach you notes on a page, I can't teach you that other stuff.
Peter: You can't listen to this and not dance!
Peter: If you side with the Nazis, Thomas, then we're at war.
Peter: When I was a boy about half past three, my daddy said son come here to me. He said things may come and things may go but this is one thing you ought to know: Thomas, Arvid, and Peter: Tain't what you do it's the way that you do it. Tain't what you do it's the way that you do it. Tain't what you do it's the way that you do it. That's what gets me through. Arvid: Ma ma ma ma!
Arvid: No one who likes swing can become a Nazi.
Arvid: I would rather belong to any one...ANYONE, than belong to the Nazis like you do. Thomas Berger: That's because you have everything backwards. Nazis go anywhere they want, do anything they want, everyone gets out of our way. Arvid: Quiz time. Got your glasses on. Thomas Berger: What? Arvid: It means you don't know who your friends are.
Willie: Swing Heil! Swing Heil, Peter! Swing Heil!
Claudia: Danger holds you to me! Louis: Love holds you to me.
Claudia: You... fed on me. Louis: I took your life. He gave you a new one.
Louis: You see that old woman? That will never happen to you. You will never grow old, and you will never die. Claudia: And it means something else too, doesn't it? I shall never ever grow up.
Louis: Where are we? Lestat: Where do you think, my idiot friend? We're in a nice, filthy cemetery. Does this make you happy? Is this fitting, proper enough? Louis: We belong in hell. Lestat: And what if there is no hell, or they don't want us there? Ever think of that? Louis: But there was a hell, and no matter where we moved to, I was in it.
Lestat: God, I swear you grow more like Louis each day. Then you'll be eating rats! Claudia: Rats? When did you eat rats Louis? Louis: It was a long, long time ago. Before you were born, and I don't recomend them.
Louis: That morning I was not yet a vampire, and I saw my last sunrise. I remember it completely, and yet I can't recall any sunrise before it. I watched its whole magnificence for the last time as if it were the first. And then I said farewell to sun light, and set out to become what I became.
Louis: Vampires pretending to be humans, pretending to be vampires. Claudia: How avant-garde!
Armand: You are beautiful my friend. Lestat must have wept when he made you. Louis: You knew Lestat? Armand: Knew him well enough not to mourn his passing
Gen. George C. Marshall: I have here a very old letter, written to a Mrs. Bixby in Boston. "Dear Madam: I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom. Yours very sincerely and respectfully, Abraham Lincoln."
Private Reiben: You want to explain the math of this to me? I mean, where's the sense in risking the lives of the eight of us to save one guy? Captain Miller: Anyone wanna answer that? Medic Wade: Hey, think about the poor bastard's mother. Private Reiben: Hey, Wade, I got a mother, you got a mother, the sarge has got a mother. I'm willing to bet that even the captain's got a mother. Well, maybe not the captain, but the rest of us have got mothers.
[Lining up a rifle shot.] Private Jackson: Be not that far from me, for trouble is near; haste Thee to help me.
[Lining up a rifle shot.] Private Jackson: Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
[Lining up a rifle shot.] Private Jackson: My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.
Private Jackson: Well, sir, seems to me, God gave me a special gift, fashioned in me a fine instrument of warfare.
Private Reiben: I got a bad feeling about this one. Captain Miller: When was the last time you felt good about anything?
Private Jackson: What I mean, sir, is if you was to put me with this here Springfield rifle anywhere up to and including one mile from Adolf Hitler... with a clean line of sight... well, pack your bags, boys. War's over.
[on finding Pvt. Ryan] Captain John Miller: It's like finding a needle in a stack of needles.
Captain John Miller: He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting lightbulb.
Private Ryan: Picture a girl who took a nose dive from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
[Being told he can go home.] Ryan: Hell, these guys deserve to go home as much as I do. They've fought just as hard. Miller: Is that what I'm supposed to tell your mother, she gets another flag? Ryan: You can tell her that when you found me, I was with the only brothers I had left. And that there was no way I was deserting them. I think she'd understand that.
Captain John Miller: Earn this.
Bobby Boucher: Now that's what I call high quality H2O.
Bobby Boucher: I like college and I like football and I'm gonna keep doin' 'em both cause they make me happy! [Slams door, then comes back.] And you're wrong, Mama! Alligators are ornery because of their medulla oblongata! [Slams door, then comes back.] And I like Vickie Vallencourt and she showed me her boobies and I like them too!
Virginia: What's this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods? Happy: I didn't *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I wanted it to be near its family.
Happy: Looks like a slight hill. Whaddya think? Caddy: And a slant to the left. Happy: That's 'cause you're only wearing one shoe.
Happy Gilmore to Bob Barker: The price is wrong, bitch!
Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say. Happy Gilmore: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?
Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep. The Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, baby.
Shooter McGavern: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?!
If you find a problem with the quotes on this page, it's probably due to my laziness of not checking them karefully enough after getting them from imdb.com. Please inform me if you see any sign of this happening.
