Bart: Hey Lis, it's time for chilly.
Lisa: What are you talking about??
Bart: You're just jealous 'cause you don't have a clock in your hat.
Lisa: What hat?
Bart: Aww, this baby's wasted on an idiot like you!
Plays: saxaphone in the Springfield Elementary School band, with Bleedin' Gums
Murphy, and with clouds appearing in the image of Bleedin' Gums Murphy, guitar
occasionally
First Word as Baby: Bart
Obsessions: Cory and the Cory Hotline, Malibu Stacey, Ponies, Trucker's Choice Stay
Awake Tablets
Crushes: Nelson Muntz, Mr. Bergstrom, "Red," Langdon Auger, Hugh Parkfield
Ok, we all know Lisa is a little too smart and a little to good for her age (Grade me,
grade me, evaluate and rank me! I'm good, good, good, and oh so smart!! Grade
me!!!). But aside from being little miss smarty pants, we know her as the great jazz musician. And may her new saxaphone bring
her years of d'oh. When infected with the mumps, Lisa takes up quilting with her mother
and decides to make her square on the family quilt a shrine to her music teachers. Mr.
Forte, the man who can take any beautiful piece of music and ruin it, and Bleeding Gums
Murphy, the man who taught her that music was a fire in her belly so she better get a sax
in front of her mouth. It's a real shame that Bleeding Gums had to go and die on her just
as she was developing. What a shame that he got sucked in by the common addiction to
Fabrige Eggs; he probably should have used some of that money on dentistry. But as we
have seen in many cases, the cruel relationship between Bart and Lisa is only skin deep.
Bart spends $500 on Bleeding Gums' album so Lisa can have the Jazz station do a tribute
to him. Unfortunately, the station has a range of only 22 and 1/2 feet making it the most
powerful jazz station in the entire USofA. (You're station has a lot of problems.--
Tell me about it. Just look at our morning guy.-- Good Moleman to you. Today, part 4
in the series of the agonizing pain in which I live every day.). Then, in a scene which
in any other show might seem bizarre, Bleeding Gums appears in a cloud along with
characters from CNN, The Lion King, and Star Wars to boost the radio output and then
jam one last time with Lisa on his cloud materialized saxaphone. His memory will live
on in through Lisa forever, and through Dr. Hibbert who was his unknowing half brother
who always laughed at the most inappropriate times. The entire situation was a lot like
the time Lisa's cat snowball got hit by a car. Remember that? So what I'm saying is, all
they have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazz man. Jam on Lisa!
As if Bart and Lisa didn't have enough wacky adventures together just thwarting side shoe Bob, they have also had three separate high quality brother and sister efforts. Of course among them I'm not about to include the low class Baby Sitter Bandit capture since they were just little kids back then.
First off Lisa and Bart set out to bring Krusty's estranged
father back to him. A klown just wasn't up to Rev. Krustofski's standards, but using a little street smarts, the Simpson kids put together a plan to make him forgive and forget. Rev. Krustofski falls in love with a quote by Sammy Davis Jr. before knowing he was also an entertainer. If one entertainer could be so enlightened then why not give Krusty another chance at it too.
In an even more exciting Krusty revolving around Krusty, Bart and Lisa bring him back from the dead. And let it be known that this is neither the first nor last character to be brought back from the presumed deceased category in which Mr. Burns would later become a member on several occasions. Krusty's secret, illegal tax avoision gets him in some serious feduciary
troubles. ( I don't say evasion I say avoision. It's a word, look it up!He can't bare to see his possessions such as his plane the I'm on a Roll-a-Gay" taken from him. His fast food restaurants are turned into IRS Burgers (You'll get your food in 6-8 weeks, and his show becomes Herschel Krustofski's Clown Related Show. He fakes his own death, and lives under the name Rory B. Bellows. But Bart and Lisa track him down following his identifiable signiature (ironically the same thing that got him into the money troubles) to his new residence. He feigns happiness spending the rest of his life salvaging scrap iron from sunken barges, but Bart and Lisa use a little reverse psychology on him. The money troubles are resolved by the life of Rory B. Bellows being insured for a surprisingly large amount.
In what some call the best episode in the history of television, and others merely enjoy for it's acceptable animated value, Bart and Lisa devise the best scheme to save Itchy and Scrathcy studios. Unfortunately for the Simpson team, they are beaten to the punch by a counterpart pre teen duo exposing the postal services uncopyrighted use of Mr. Zip as Manic Mailman. And while they were at it, the bizzaro children got Apu off his indecent exposure charges and reunited Krusty with his estranged wife.
While Lisa's not crusading to save other people, she's crusading to stop the violence. After a visit to Mother Goose's House ( fun for ages 1 1/2 to 72) Lisa realizes there is no difference between the lamb on her plate and the lamb she was petting that afternoon. From then on she decides she can't eat any animals. Even the worm with a lamb voice she is supposed to dissect in class gives her a moral dilemma. Unfortunately, the whole world seems her to want to eat meat. The school vegetarian alternative is a hot dog bun chock full of bunly goodness , and every sign she passes on the street is forcing meat down her throat. So she takes a bite of a Kwik-E-Mart dog to make the world happy. That's when Apu helps her to understand. He eats no animal products what so ever, however he does not complain when others eat them. So the moral of the story is never buy a non alcoholic beer unless you're willing to hear an Indian sing a Beatles song.
Now let's not forget that Lisa does know how to get into some painful situations despite her "stop the violence stance." Homer reads the morning paper, and to his amazement he sees something free TRAMAPOLINE, TRAMPOPOLINE! When he gets it home, everyone is ecstatic. Lisa wants to have her wedding on the thing, but there's a little problem with it. It seems to mortally wound anyone jumping on it. Kids kids, once you get hurt, move aside so others can jump. In an effort to rid himself of the trampoline, Homer drives to a distant ravine and heaves it over the side. But a la Wily Coyote, the trampoline bounces back up to him and hammers him into the ground. If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. And that does it for the trampoline.
One more glimpse at Lisa and violence is the obvious source, tv. Itchy and Scratchy is claimed to cause violence, but that only really happened when she and Bart were sucked into an episode. And that was a Halloween special anyway, how can that not have violence?? No, the cartoon I'm talking about is one of those campy 70's throw backs that appeals to generation x-ers. If you haven't seen all that garbage on the steps of congress, you really haven't lived yet. But I promise we got some real good cartoon commercials coming up!
Grade Me, Grade Me, Evaluate and Rank Me!
Among Lisa's quality achievements there is her blues saxaphone, her Oliver Twist
diarama, and her anti-government speech "Sespool on the Patomac" speech. Now let's
see how much you know about her competitors. Mail answers to sacrilicious1@geocities.com (only
3 will be posted if you get more).
What three Star Wars figurines still in their original display cases does Skinner take a
liking to in Ralph Wiggum's diarama?-
What name is anagrammed by "Genuine Class?"-Alec Guiness-solved by Rebecca Hubbard
What award does Ralph Wiggum win with Lisa in the United States Pageant?-student who had absolutely no help from a parent-solved by Rebecca Hubbard
What members of the school orchestra remain to play The Stars and Stripes Forever (and
hopefully not forever) while the rest of the student body is having its appendix removed,
and what instruments do they play?-
In Lisa's competition of love, how does she mistakenly win over the heart of Ralph
Wiggum?-she gives him the valentine card reading "I Choo Choo Choose you"-solved by Josh Fox
In the period preceeding Lisa's speech "Sespool on the Patomac" what song is played on
the piano? What song is sung during intermission? What happens to the piano
player during his third and final song?-
What is the title of the winning speech in Lisa's speaking contest?-USA AOK-solved by Rebecca Hubbard
When teasing the newly instated Little Miss Springfield with her royal sceptor, what happens to Krusty?-
Thermodynamically speaking, what is wrong with Lisa's perpetual motion
machine?-
Interrupting the recording of new slogans for the Lisa Lionheart doll, Krusty has to
rerecord which message for his talking doll?-
What ludicrous explanation does Lisa sarcastically offer to why all the adults are going to bed early after drinking Homer and Grampa's revitalizing tonic?-
What preteen duo beats Bart and Lisa to the punch in helping Itchy and Scratchy Studios
get back on its feet, and also has helped Apu in his indecent exposure case and helped
Krusty become reunited with his astranged wife?-
What does Bart have in news broadcasting that Lisa just doesn't have; something that
can't be taught?-
her years of d'oh. When infected with the mumps, Lisa takes up quilting with her mother
and decides to make her square on the family quilt a shrine to her music teachers. Mr.
Forte, the man who can take any beautiful piece of music and ruin it, and Bleeding Gums
Murphy, the man who taught her that music was a fire in her belly so she better get a sax
in front of her mouth. It's a real shame that Bleeding Gums had to go and die on her just
as she was developing. What a shame that he got sucked in by the common addiction to
Fabrige Eggs; he probably should have used some of that money on dentistry. But as we
have seen in many cases, the cruel relationship between Bart and Lisa is only skin deep.
Bart spends $500 on Bleeding Gums' album so Lisa can have the Jazz station do a tribute
to him. Unfortunately, the station has a range of only 22 and 1/2 feet making it the most
powerful jazz station in the entire USofA. (You're station has a lot of problems.--
Tell me about it. Just look at our morning guy.-- Good Moleman to you. Today, part 4
in the series of the agonizing pain in which I live every day.). 
Then, in a scene which
in any other show might seem bizarre, Bleeding Gums appears in a cloud along with
characters from CNN, The Lion King, and Star Wars to boost the radio output and then
jam one last time with Lisa on his cloud materialized saxaphone. His memory will live
on in through Lisa forever, and through Dr. Hibbert who was his unknowing half brother
who always laughed at the most inappropriate times. The entire situation was a lot like
the time Lisa's cat snowball got hit by a car. Remember that? So what I'm saying is, all
they have to do is go down to the pound and get a new jazz man. Jam on Lisa!
father back to him. A klown just wasn't up to Rev. Krustofski's standards, but using a little street smarts, the Simpson kids put together a plan to make him forgive and forget. Rev. Krustofski falls in love with a quote by Sammy Davis Jr. before knowing he was also an entertainer. If one entertainer could be so enlightened then why not give Krusty another chance at it too.
troubles. ( I don't say evasion I say avoision. It's a word, look it up!He can't bare to see his possessions such as his plane the I'm on a Roll-a-Gay" taken from him. His fast food restaurants are turned into IRS Burgers (You'll get your food in 6-8 weeks, and his show becomes Herschel Krustofski's Clown Related Show. He fakes his own death, and lives under the name Rory B. Bellows. But Bart and Lisa track him down following his identifiable signiature (ironically the same thing that got him into the money troubles) to his new residence. He feigns happiness spending the rest of his life salvaging scrap iron from sunken barges, but Bart and Lisa use a little reverse psychology on him. The money troubles are resolved by the life of Rory B. Bellows being insured for a surprisingly large amount.
So the moral of the story is never buy a non alcoholic beer unless you're willing to hear an Indian sing a Beatles song. 
If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. And that does it for the trampoline.
What members of the school orchestra remain to play The Stars and Stripes Forever (and
hopefully not forever) while the rest of the student body is having its appendix removed,
and what instruments do they play?-